argumentI want you to think about how many arguments you have with your same-sex friends. How many you actually have with them over the course of a lifetime, discounting the teenage years when you were full of hormones. You don’t have many same-sex arguments at all.

You see, when a male and a male have a friendship, or a female and a female have a friendship, there’s really no expectations at all. Plus, the fact is you’re not really thinking about your needs, wants, and desires being met by that person because you’re just allowing that person to be that amazing being.

Friendships are all based on that. You never have an argument with a friend about your needs not being met. It seems like whenever you have an issue with a friend, you can bring it up and just go “Hey, I don’t like the dynamic lately.” It never seems to turn into an argument. It seems to turn into just a discussion where you kind of both allow one another to speak your mind and to get your feelings and thoughts out.

But when you get a man and a woman into the mix, whoa. I know couples that argue non-stop. They argue all the time.

Arguing is really based on a primal urge to fight. You’re frustrated. An argument is based on frustration. It means that you have a communication breakdown in your relationship. You’ve allowed this communication breakdown to happen over an extended period of time.

During this extended period of time that you’ve allowed this communication breakdown, you’ve built up anger. You’ve built up anxiety. You’ve built up hate, whatever you want to call it. So by the time you finally have the discussion — the discussion that you should have had right when it happened in the first place — you’re full of angst because you’ve allowed it to sit inside your body for so long. You come out screaming, they come out screaming, and an argument ensues. It’s called a communication breakdown.

So how do you avoid arguments in relationships? First off, you explain yourself to the other person. You explain who you are and what you’re all about. You don’t hide. You don’t allow the representative to show up anymore. You take your mask off and you allow them to see the real you.

They may not like the real you, so you may be in a relationship with somebody you shouldn’t have been in in the first place. You allowed the representative to connect for too long.

You explain yourself to somebody and you explain what your needs, wants, and desires are, and how you expect a relationship to be and who you are as a person. When things come up, you actually talk about it. If the person doesn’t listen or the person is incapable of listening and all they want to do is argue, then you’re in a relationship that doesn’t suit you. You’re in an unhealthy relationship. You’re with the wrong person.

People should not argue. I was with somebody one time who completely thought arguing was healthy. She said it was passion. To me, it’s not passion. Get me into an argument with a female and the last thing I want to have is sex. As a matter of fact, I don’t even want any part of her. I just want to go and be left alone. The last thing I want to do is fight, and then fuck, and make up.

So you have to look at why you’re arguing. You have to look how the precedent in the relationship was set up. How was it set up? Why was it set up that way? Why did you allow it to be set up that way? You allowed it because you were arguing at a point. You weren’t honest with yourself about the relationship. You allowed that person to see another side of you to catch something inside. And when that person took the mask off, they didn’t really like what you saw but didn’t want to admit the fact that the relationship wasn’t healthy for you at all.

This is why people argue. I’ve been in great relationships and I’ve been in shitty ones. I had a great relationship with a woman for six years. It didn’t work out for a couple of other reasons. We didn’t connect on that passion level. But as friends, understanding one another, it was amazing. I never argued.

I was with somebody for a couple of years who I still have to deal with in my life. And it’s a constant argument, because that’s the person that she is. It’s our energy between the two of us. It’s a lack of understanding between the two of us. And I’m also dealing with somebody who thinks that they’re never wrong.

So you have to see somebody for who they are. Arguments only come up because you didn’t allow yourself to see the person for who they are. You allowed them to keep their mask on. You kept your mask on. And now the true person is showing up and they frustrate you, just like a little kid. You’re all frustrated. You’re frustrated because you’re not being heard at all.