“Help! I Just Got Out Of A Long-Term Relationship”

Women's Advice Uncategorized, Videos

By David Wygant January 12, 2014 225 Shares

Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.

At the end of a long-term relationship you can feel like your world just ended. You’re left with a ton of different emotions to figure out and deal with. You’ll feel sadness, anger, resentment, frustration, and maybe even jealously and hopelessness.

One of the mistakes a lot of women make after a breakup is trying to instantly replace their ex. The thought of being alone terrifies them so much, they’ll fall in love with the first guy who shows them some affection. What normally happens? They keep having the same failed relationships time after time.

So what should you do after a breakup?

There are 3 very important steps you need to take after a long relationship ends. In this video I’ll explain all 3, and reveal why it’s so important you resist the temptation to get straight out there dating, until you fix a few issues.

Enjoy the video, and I’d love to hear your experiences below…

Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.

About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

15 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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Laura N

Sunday, January 12th, 2014

Oh, how I wish I had these tips a year ago. I'm about a year out of a 23 year relationship. He had been emotionally abusive and controlling for most of our time together, so I knew I had to spend some time "dating" myself and figuring out what I liked myself...and what I wanted in my next relationship. While I did not come up with a written dating action plan, I do know what I am looking for next time around. Right now, I date to have fun and meet new people. And, quite honestly, I enjoy it right now. I've dated some real losers, but I've also met some really nice guys. We didn't "click" but that is quite okay. I know I'll meet a man who is right for me someday. But, I'm determined to enjoy being single while I am single.

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Mary G

Wednesday, January 15th, 2014

I was in a 20 year relationship when my hubby passed away suddenly 5 years ago. After an uber-devastating time of it, I learned to be single again and to take care of just me - do things that I liked to do, things that were good for me and to "date" myself. I don't have anything written about what I'm looking for yet but that should come naturally, at least I hope it does. Thank you for the reminder to just breathe too. Truly I forget, especially when I think about whether or not "lightening will strike twice" for me.

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Julie

Wednesday, January 15th, 2014

my 8 year marriage recently ended. I feel desperate sometimes that I won't find another relationship. I am dating myself in that I am focusing on doing stuff I want now. Also focusing on my daughter and friendships.

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Laura N

Wednesday, January 15th, 2014

@Julie: I know exactly how you feel. I was in your position this time last year. Men can smell desperation from a mile away. Just focus on yourself, your daughter and your friends. Build your life the way you want it...then the right guy for you will show up. Just breathe and let it happen. I promise it WILL get better!

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mike

Wednesday, January 15th, 2014

Laura, I think you should really say "the WRONG men can smell desperation a mile away." Decent guys won't take advantage of the situation. I'm glad you're both taking time for yourselves though. The last thing you want is to jump at the first men that show intrest and get hurt. Don't stop being social but defo don't rush yourself into love again.

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Laura N

Wednesday, January 15th, 2014

Touche, Mike. Decent men (and there are plenty of them out there) won't push for something a woman isn't ready for yet.

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Julie

Wednesday, January 15th, 2014

partHowever part of me just doesnt really believe in love in the same way anymore. I don't believe in the concept of the "one". I don't want to get marriEd again. I don't believe in the whole monogamous thing anymore either. Starting to lean toward exploring polyamory. Since I'm convinced that man evolved within groups with males and females intermingling freely, I think this is a more natural way to for males and females to interact. I long term monogamy is unnatural. I just wsntvtticks to pick up guys ; -)

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Laura N

Wednesday, January 15th, 2014

:D Whatever works for you, Julie! It's about you and what you want. Though, personally, I find dealing with one man/relationship taxing enough...much less two or three! Hahaha.

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Julie

Wednesday, January 15th, 2014

Laura, I was thinking more of an ongoing dating relationship in which I am guaranteed say one night a week or every other week in which my needs are met, we have a fun date, talk, etc, then they go home. I am not interested in becoming a house slave again. They can do their own laundry, thanks. I had a very traditional marriage in which nothing I did was appreciated . So I'm ready to try something new.

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Laura N

Wednesday, January 15th, 2014

Oh, that was what I had for 23 years! Just be sure it's clear on both sides that you can see others....my ex was seeing others...just didn't bother to tell me he was seeing others...hahaha. But, I understand why you want that. I too don't really want to get married, but a "monogamish" relationship is what I want too.

Maria

Thursday, January 16th, 2014

David is so right in what he says here. I have spent my time doing just that and I have to say not only have I learned to love myself but I've also discovered what I want to do with the next stage of my life! I have been working on getting rid of all my negetive self talk (you know, those voices in your head that keep telling you what you can't do, echoes from your past that have remained in your subconscious mind) which I've carried around for years. I've done this through meditation and reading, and I have found that I feel so much lighter now that I have got rid of all the baggage! Of course this needs to be constantly worked on or you may find yourself slipping back into old ways. I now believe in myself, I feel that I have unleashed the 'real' me. I'm happier in myself generally and other people have picked up on this. I have even been described as being positive and confident! A friend of mine said that she has seen a tremendous change in me. Life feels so good now. I'm not in any hurry to find a man as I know that in the process of achieving my goal he will be connected to my own interests and have the qualities that I'm looking for in a man. You really do have to work on yourself to find the Authentic you!! I hope this helps anyone who is not feeling good about themselves because it really does work!!

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Ruby

Wednesday, February 19th, 2014

I can't find the appropriate blog but I would like to ask when is a good time to have the "mixed signals" talk? I've had an LTR of 15 years and 7 years, ended a 5 year on-and-off-again relationship in Oct with a younger guy and am now friends, had a 3-month relationship where the guy ghosted on New Year's Eve 2 years ago, had a younger guy I liked put me in the "friend zone" 18 months ago because "it would be a mistake" when I initiated the talk after 6 months, and now have a younger FB who likes to cuddle. I started e-chatting for hours (3 h0urs sometimes) 3 months ago with a new guy and talking on the phone for hours for almost 3 months, and hanging out occassionally for almost 2 months (I invite him to stay overnight when we go out late because he lives over an hour away and the trains stop.) And we even e-chat to each other our sexual desires and sext. He was initially sexually attracted to me but now I think I've scared him off. I think he thought he was going to get a hook up with a horny cougar when he met me 5 months ago. We've gotten to know each other so well we can write biographies about each other. He is much younger than me but mature and seems emotionally available. Should I be patient and wait a little longer? I only have been getting a kiss and hug hello and goodbye. I don't think he's shy or has performance anxiety. Maybe it's just too soon or I may have confused him with all my talk where he thinks I convey I need more time. Could it be because he's gotten to know me and feels a little different and isn't sure what he wants? Most guys I got involved with took 6 weeks to feel comfortable enough with me to put the moves on me and it escalated almost immediately. I just don't want to repeat the past 4 disappointments. 2 of the 4 I had to hear complaints from them about the ex-wife/ex-girlfriend, and 2 of them liked to drink too much to be true relationship material. This guy seems to have no baggage and seems emotionally available. I think we enjoy each other's company and he said he is looking for companionship and to cuddle. Could the mixed signal talk be too soon? I don't want to scare him off. On another note, I do not feel bad about myself with these past disappointments. I feel I have a lot to offer, am not needy, and guys say I'm awesome, and fun. I used to be picky waiting for Mr. Right to come along but now I've learned to give guys a decent chance. Just don't want to make the same mistakes.

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Laura N.

Wednesday, February 19th, 2014

Ruby, if you are in a FWB relationship and you are developing feelings for him, you need to have the talk NOW before either one of you gets hurt....most likely you.

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Ruby

Thursday, February 20th, 2014

Laura, Perhaps my lengthy comment was confusing. I am not in a FWB relationship with anyone. I met this new guy whom I am interested in as more than a friend whom I think may be interested in me as more than a friend. No cuddling, making out, or touching has happened with him yet. Which is now making me wonder. That's why rather than speculate, I thought maybe I should have a talk with him about mixed signals to see what exactly he's looking for, a friend, a girlfriend, a FB, a friend with benefits, or a hook up. He'll spend hours e-chatting with me or on the phone or even hanging out with me but has not made any moves on me at all yet. I don't think he is scared. Could it be we are on a different timeline and he just is not ready to go to the next level yet. I don't want to scare him off though and am wondering if I should wait a little longer, But how do I know when? I can't try my instincts. My instincts would have pounced on him the last or next time I see him. Thanks for your advice about FWB, but this is not that. Yes, I don't need another FB or FWB. I've been hanging out with this new guy, not a FB or FWB, for two months. Perhaps all he really wants is just an ordinary friendship with me like the other guy. Thanks.

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Laura

Thursday, February 20th, 2014

Well, none of us are mind readers, Ruby, so I would go ahead and ask him what he wants. We could be chicks and speculate all day; but he is the only one who can answer that question. David is always telling us to be direct and to not be afraid to make the first move. But I really don't think A guy would spend hours IM'ing, texting, talking on the phone or just hanging out over the course of a couple of months if he wasn't interested in SOMETHING, be it sexual or platonic.

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