“What does his silence mean? I know. I’ll play the women speculation game and try to figure it out.”

You know what I really love about women, is how you always want to have the answer. A man goes cold on you, he stops calling, or he isn’t talking to you openly, so you put your detective hat on and go looking for answers.

You know what I don’t love about women?

You drive everybody nuts with the speculation. A guy stops calling, and you spend the next month trying to work out why he’s gone quiet. You dissect every moment you ever spent together, trying to figure out what you might have done wrong. 

Maybe you said something wrong. Maybe he didn’t like your dog. Maybe it was that text you sent him at 2am in the morning on the 3rd of January. Something else I know women do (cos clients have admitted it) is you’ll check his Facebook feeds to see where he is and what he’s doing. Maybe you’ll see some kind of clue as to what he’s thinking there.

You waste so much time on guys who don’t deserve your attention, you miss opportunities with the men who do deserve your attention. Stop wasting your time. It’s over. He lost interest. I don’t know why. He won’t tell you why. There’s no answer for it. Sometimes it’s over and you need to be OK with that. Sometimes we don’t get the closure we need.

I know closure is important to women, and if I could get every man in the world to give you a reason why they go cold on you, I would. You’d all feel better and wouldn’t waste each other’s time speculating about relationships that didn’t work out.

Unfortunately, some men are wimps. Some don’t care enough about others enough to give them the truth. If we were all honest with each other dating would be so much easier, and we wouldn’t all get so screwed up.

So if a man disappears on you, and you don’t hear from him for a week, stop calling him. It’s over. It’s done. You’re never going to get the answer you’re looking for. Don’t blame yourself. Maybe there just wasn’t any chemistry there. Maybe he didn’t feel he could love you in the way you deserve. Maybe he was looking for something different.

The communication skills you show at the beginning of a relationship lead you to the speculation at the end. Take a look at how you communicate as a couple at the beginning. Were you open with each other? Did you have realistic expectations? Did you put pressure on him? Start thinking about this kind of thing, and see what you need to work on.

I’ve found when you’re radically honest with people, and you tell them you expect the same from them, there is no speculation. When something ended, the writing was on the wall. Don’t let men going cold or ending a relationship, take control of your life for months afterwards. They’re months you’ll never get back. Why waste them on someone who doesn’t deserve your time?

In fact, here’s an even idea. Grab a copy of “What Men Desire” and learn to finally understand men. You’ll never need to speculate again!