Don't Be A Ball-Buster - David Wygant

Ball stomp Do you want to know how to find and keep a good man?

Here’s one of the biggest secrets to success with men…

Don’t ever be a ball buster!

It’s one of the main reasons men pull away.

Here’s a great example of what I’m talking about. A guy emailed me the other day. He and his ex-partner share a child together. The ex comes round to his place to drop off the kid, and before she leaves, she starts poking around the place.

She goes into the child’s bedroom and nosing around. She notices the kid’s pillow is on the bed upside down, and the covers are turned back in an unusual way. Before you know it, she starts telling this guy why he’s made the bed all wrong, and how the kid won’t be able to sleep unless it’s changed. The guy explains the bed is like that because he hasn’t finished making it, and she storms off in a huff saying he’s, “Unprepared and lazy!”

Shit!

I can see why this woman is his ex-partner and not his loving girlfriend/wife!

Do not EVER bust a man’s balls and expect him to love you for it. We hate it when a woman busts our balls and tries to micro-manage everything we do. I used to date a woman who would complain about the way I did the dishes. She’d inspect them and throw any that didn’t meet her standards back in the sink!

What the hell is that about?

There’s nothing wrong with asking a question or opening a conversation about something. “Hey, does little Jack sleep with his covers like this normally?”

Guy replies, “Oh no, I just haven’t finished making the bed yet.”

Conversation over. No arguments, no micro-management, and no ball busting!

When you talk to a guy like a human being you’ll find out what you really want to know, and you won’t piss him off in the process. The second you start nitpicking or critiquing everything he does, he’s just going to pull away and box his way into a corner.

Men enjoy open-ended conversations. “Hey, can we talk about this? Hey, I’d like to share my opinion and hear your opinion on this.”

But if you immediately just give your opinion and assume a man is doing something wrong, he’s going to go into a corner, put his dukes up, and start fighting back. Don’t try to control everything. Some modern women have this thing about trying to control everything, and it’s unhealthy. You don’t have to control everything. Let the guy have some control too. Remember, we need to feel wanted and needed. We want a lover, not a Mom!

If you don’t like something a man’s done, ask him about it. Have a conversation about it. Don’t assume the worst all the time, and don’t treat him like a naughty schoolboy. It’s the quickest way to push a man away.

The take away from all this is, communicate!

Ask us questions. Talk about how you feel. Let us know when we’ve done something to upset you. But whatever you do, don’t bust our balls!

About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

4 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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Elizabeth

Thursday, October 17th, 2013

Excellent points! It's ridiculous how often I have to 1.) work on this myself (think before you speak, always!) and 2.) explain this to other women. A simple change of phrase from "why do you always throw your socks on the floor??? I always have to pick up after you!" to a much more gentle "handsome, would you mind picking up your socks?" along with a cute, adoring look and a smile can make all the difference. The first one comes off like you're a cranky, nagging bitch. The second one makes it possible for him to do something to make you happy. Huge huge difference. Women miss the mark when they suddenly start acting like the man is their adversary.

Elizabeth D

Thursday, October 31st, 2013

For myself, when I start the controlling or complaining behaviors, it is because I am in "fear" mode. Women are holistic-thinkers and see how everything is interdependent, and understand the world like a game of dominos - so if one thing "seems" out of place, we have the capacity to envision how each part of the network will react and affect the outcome of another - to the last domino. And often we are right. And this is where the "I told you so" thing comes in. It isn't that we are psychic, but our mind is like a computer that can quickly figure out all the "probabilities" with each choice made, and we stick with the choice/the calculation of the best probability. So, with that said - it does take great restraint to hold back - when our brain just automatically did these calculations of the future probabilities. Especially when we are fearful and don't trust the man : ( What is crucial is setting up a foundation of mutual trust - so fear can go "bye-bye." What we need to do is after doing our mental calculations - to open up the discussion, and share our forecast in a gentle and respectful way within the conversation. And we as women need to be open to other good ideas. If I hear a good idea from anyone, man or woman , that is equal to or better than mine, I IMMEDIATELY back down and promote his idea. I enjoy his happiness and satisfaction of the other person coming to the ultimate conclusion, than me being right the first time.

Anais

Wednesday, November 20th, 2013

I keep reading articles by male "experts" about how men hate "ball busting women" and "bitches" but so many men END UP with these women, and women like me who are more gentle go on dates but have been single forever. And the guys sometimes choose these ball busters over me. So I don't know where all these men are who appreciate softer women like myself. :-(

hugh mcgeary

Thursday, September 1st, 2016

I get that it’s hard for male – female relationships as each gender has some different beliefs about best ways to interact. Men have different boundaries around what they feel responsible for and able to comment on than many women do. Women have a lot of frustration and disappointment with men’s ways of parenting and norms around household and relationship maintenance. These diffrencees can be tricky to navigate/ accommodate well. I have often said that it takes a strong (healthy strong) man to live well with a strong woman. I’m not sure I agree with David Wygant’s advice to women to adopt a more diplomatic approach to conversations/ conflict as perhaps it’s better that we as men work on our strength building around managing ourselves and our being able to assume women’s best intentions, and to seek to understand where it seems we have disappointed them, rather than get defensive or get offended by their language and approach. In other words, be able to choose to switch on our curiosity... as that enables us to stay in relationship with our partners and to be able to then shape with them the ways the relationship interacts and to have capacity to stay in difficult conversations to where shared understandings and agreements can be created. Building our own emotional maturity can only be helpful to ourselves and beneficial to our partners, children and friends and workmates.

Don’t Be A Ball-Buster

About David

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