Written for Match.com

How to Charm a Woman

Women are complicated, but some things are universal

How can you charm a woman? Do they like a daily check-in phone call? Does she secretly wish you’d text her in the middle of the day for no reason but to make her smile? Do they prefer expensive dinners to home-cooked meals? Rock-hard abs? Flowers for no reason?

Identifying women’s turn-ons is complicated, because they all react differently. Some women you wish came with owner’s manuals so you knew exactly how they were wired. Luckily, I’ve done most of the legwork for you and am happy to pass this knowledge on to you.

Top 10 ways to charm a woman

1. Be aware. This means cracking open more than the sports section on the daily paper. Be up on current events and learn the difference between feelings, emotions and thoughts. Women are emotional beings and tend to think things through. They are attracted to men who are as smart or smarter than them, and your knowledge of worldly matters will demonstrate your intelligence.
2. Demonstrate humor. Women love a man who can make them laugh. Now don’t fret here if you’re not a stand-up comedian. We all have a certain type of humor. You can be dry, sarcastic, hilariously funny, quick-witted or dark. Being able to poke fun at yourself and just plain old being goofy is a turn-on for women. Keep in mind that all women are not attracted to the same type of humor, so if you don’t vibe, just walk away and try someone else.
3. Have passion. A guy who lives his life with gusto is incredibly appealing. When you speak to a woman about your life, your travels, your job, your interests, speak with passion. That passion about who you are will turn her on instantly. She will start to imagine what it will be like when you are involved with her and how passionate you will speak about her.
4. Be considerate. Pay attention to the little things and look for opportunities to make small gestures that show you care. A simple “How was your day?” and being able to listen to her when she wants to discuss something are huge. So many men forget about simple things like holding the door, paying for her valet or just thanking her for a great time last night. Women are all about a guy with manners – she is not attracted to the dope who acts like a caveman.
5. Be honest. Share who you are by telling her something personal. Maybe share one of your favorite childhood memories or some personal growth that you have been going through. Something that will show her that you are a trusting and honest person. It also shows that you are a confident but vulnerable man. Women love to see the vulnerable side of you. Note: Don’t talk about an ex in a bad way here. If you have to talk about an ex, do so in a positive manner and share what you learned and how you grew from the relationship.
6. Be flexibile. Be open to her plans but surprise her with your flexibility. Take charge and surprise her with a fun night out. Instead of being the typical guy who makes a reservation, think about how you can be the guy who listens to her and plans a great date that she did not expect. If you can pull this off, she will be open to all sorts of advances from you.
7. Be positive. If you are positive about life, it shows in your actions. I always tell men to be extra nice to waiters, bartenders and other service people. Be a courteous driver when she’s in the car. When you are in line at the movies, don’t complain. Look for the humor and try to have fun with people all around you. Be positive about everything, and she will find you to be very sexy and alluring. No one wants to be with a negative hothead.
8. Be balanced. Women love a successful, ambitious man. They love that you work hard, but if you constantly put work ahead of her she will become turned off. She will start to imagine what life with you will be like with her needs being ignored. If you are out meeting women to date, you need to balance your life between work and play. This will be a major turn-on for her.
9. Have ambition. Men who are ambitious about what they do are a turn-on to women. It doesn’t matter if you choose to be a rich stock trader or a painter, as long as you are passionate about who you are and what you do. If you don’t love what you do, find something that really turns you on. You can’t attract the woman you want with a negative ambition. Women love a man who is the best at what he does.
10. Be attentive. You are out with her for the very first time, and she tells you she loves a certain type of music. On the next date take her to a lounge that plays that type of music. It is all about paying attention to the details and working on your listening skills.

This list of 10 things will work in most cases. Keep in mind there is always the woman who you just can’t seem to please. If you happen to cross paths with this type of woman, ask yourself, “Why would I want to be with a woman who is so difficult?”

I tend to avoid the difficult, judgmental women. Knowing women’s turn-ons and putting them into practice will help you identify women who may be relationship material. You need to realize that you want to attract and turn on the women that are attracted to you on an equal level!