Wake Up – You Can Approach Men Too!

You know, the other day a reader named Jen posted on the blog asking how she can recognize the shy guy who is too timid to approach to get him over to come approach her.

Sure, women who are not often approached can work on their appearance and work on making themselves more approachable by smiling more wherever they are, getting rid of the ipod in public, making more eye contact with men they’re interested in at bars, etc.

But even for women who do get approached often, do you ever find you’re just not getting approached by the kind of guys who you want to approach you? There’s another even better step you can take: ladies, you can approach the fellas too!

I know plenty of guys who are great catches, in reality they are take-charge kind of men, just the kind of guys you would like to meet, but they will never approach you in a public place. Why? Because it’s just not a part of their social norm to meet and get to know people in a random public place. So in turn they don’t do it—not because they don’t want to talk to you, just because it’s something they’ve never thought of doing before. This is especially true with a lot of European men.

I also know many men who just don’t approach women even in a bar or club setting, or at a party—places where most people would approach—because they’ve never learned how to, or they have a bit of social anxiety (we all do to some extent), or because they just haven’t built up the confidence to go after what they want. Doesn’t mean they’re not great guys—in fact, for a lot of women out there the shyer introspective guys are actually more attractive and a better match for them than the dominant fearless types. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.

So how do you do this? Very simple. Just like we teach men how to start a conversation with women: you make an observation based on what’s going on in the moment around you, and you say that observation to the guy. There’s a benefit to this, too: because women are far less threatening than men, and men are pretty dumb and unassuming, you can say pretty much anything you want and it won’t look like you’re “picking him up”!

Here’s the best way to start a conversation with a man: ask him a question, or tell him you need help with something. He’ll love the fact that he’s coming to the rescue and be so proud that he was able to help you out.

Ask a guy for directions somewhere, or tell him you’re looking for a nice restaurant or place to shop in the area and ask if he knows of any.

If you’re sitting at a restaurant, ask the guys sitting at the table next to you what they’re eating. Tell him you’re not sure what to order and his food looks good. He’ll tell you all about it and help you out with the menu just because guys love to be the guy who comes to the rescue.

If you’re standing by the bar ordering a drink, you can say something as simple as, “What are you drinking? That looks interesting.”

If you’re standing by the subway or waiting for the train and a guy is reading a book, ask him what book he’s reading, or tell him the cover looks interesting. Just yesterday I was waiting for the metro in Washington, DC, I saw a woman ask a man what he was reading, and they talked all the way into the subway car and beyond.

Right now you may be thinking, “Geez, won’t it appear like I’m completely desperate or being way too forward?” The answer to that is no. It won’t appear like you’re doing anything other than striking up a friendly conversation.

This isn’t the 1950’s anymore. You can do and say whatever you want to a man, there are no rules in dating and the single life. In fact, I have more than a few girlfriends who get approached by men all the time, but the men who they usually end up with (and ones they’re happiest with) are the ones who they actively decided to introduce themselves to and go talk to first. The reality is that most men would be flattered, and many of them relieved, to see that you actually took the initiative and got up the courage to talk to them!

Now fellas, this doesn’t mean that you’re off the hook. A man should NEVER use the excuse of, “Well, if she was interested in me she would approach me.” The women you want won’t just fall into your lap. You have to put yourself out there and go after what you want with complete vulnerability and honesty. That’s the only way you’re going to get good at this. Staying in your comfort zone and standing around waiting for the women to approach you is the worst thing you can possibly do.