Your Comfort Zone

Men's Advice Uncategorized, Videos

By David Wygant October 19, 2012 173 Shares

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I preach courageousness in life and especially in dating.

To practice courage is to do something everyday that scares you.

It’s to constantly push your edges so that what you find comfortable expands.

The only way to truly grow as a person and become the man that you’ve always wanted to be, is to work constantly on expandig your comfort zone.

Watch as I go deeper into this concept of courage, fearlessness, and growth:

About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

20 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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Sebestian

Friday, October 19th, 2012

Normally walking up to a woman and initiating a conversation would scare the shit out of me. But I have a girlfriend and wouldn't feel right about engaging myself in that sort of extracurricular activity. Need ideas! =)

Boodoo

Monday, October 22nd, 2012

This is a video of Davids: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_rbO80WcnQ&feature=autoplay&list=UUbor7F226YsxmYfhj76L2UQ&playnext=2

Boodoo

Monday, October 22nd, 2012

You wouldn't feel right about having a conversation with another human being (who happens to be female)? Nobody is saying you have to try and sleep with every woman you meet; that's being 'outcome driven'. It's all about engaging everyone and just having a good time wherever you go, and if that sets off your conscience you need to ask yourself why, and what you're even doing on this website in the first place. Besides, stepping outside your comfort zone can be anything from adrenaline activities to dancing like a fool the next time you go to a bar or club. The more you do it, the better you get at it. Go gettum Seb :)

John

Saturday, October 20th, 2012

You could try shoving rusty nails up your pee - hole.. That should scare the hell out of you.

Justin

Saturday, October 20th, 2012

Im in your boat man. I have a girlfriend but don't necessarily feel right talking to other girls. It sucks because I'm in college and feel like im settling too early in life. But I really like this chick I'm with so the dude abides.

Hans

Friday, October 19th, 2012

Very good blog post. I wonder though what the heck the comfort zone exactly is. Because it seems to be different for everyone. My take is: if you really want to do something, you do it. And if you don't do it, you don't really want to do it. I took a parachuting class once. Nobody told me that I had to jump out of a plane into nothingness. I didn't do it to brag about it, I just wanted to experience it. The first jump was a near death experience, I was never so scared in all my life, and I swear I could feel my soul leave my body. Then, after a few seconds, when the chute opened, I felt like Ghost Rider requesting a tower flyby. For those of you that don't know what that means: it felt great. There is no such silence as up in the air. I can see why birds like to fly. Anyway, I guess the best way to expand your comfort zone is not to think about it too much. Just jump.

C

Friday, October 19th, 2012

From the perspective of psychology, and indeed psychotherapy, the comfort zone is exactly what it sounds like: a zone where a person is not feeling threatened/whatever and a zone of when they are feeling threatened. Yes, it does differ but it's not a matter of wanting to do something equates to doing and nothing else. One of the many tools psychotherapists will use is called ERP (exposure and response prevention). This is related to the comfort zone (and more so getting over or increasing the threshold if not getting over it). Sure, there's some things that are so bad that the person may never get over it. But, for instance, if someone has a fear of speaking in public and they might even be unable to talk to people in general. Let's say that they decide they want to do everything they can to get over it, what do they do? They for instance could start by saying "Hi" to a person. Even if it's ONE person a day. Do that for however long it takes until [they] are comfortable enough to move to the next phase. What would that be? It does indeed depend on the person. It could be make it five people a day. At some point they might then speak about a topic they are passionate about or knowledgeable about but to a limited number of people. It might even be family or friends. Then they go from there. That is essentially: exposing them to the fear and over time preventing the normal reaction they have due to learning coping mechanisms and/or desensitizing themselves. Believe me: I have huge fears of some things that I wish I could get over but it's actually something that would be very difficult if not impossible to get over (there isn't even a tiny thing related that I could do to start and yes I've tried it in different ways for many years). But on the other hand, I have other issues that I have worked on and have improved on. As time goes on I will get better and more things may follow (improving one thing will make other things easier to improve also because you have less on your plate). But it's not necessarily a matter of only "really wanting" to do it or "not wanting" to do it. An example for me is that I not only do not like to be around a huge crowd of people (and by like I also mean I fear it) but there's times when it is useful to be able to go out of my comfort zone and do go into crowds. Example: music is something that is very important to me. I couldn't imagine 15-20 years ago being in a venue full of thousands of people but yet not only do I regularly go to concerts I will talk to people near by (both outside the venue and even in the venue itself; even in the first row on the floor, at the rails). And on the thought of not thinking about it. True to an extent but not always. Besides rumination without even realizing it (or feeling you have no control over it), let's say someone has a huge fear of some kind of animal. Let's say dogs. If they were to just go in and not slowly, not only would it scare them half to death the animal would sense it and be more aggressive than it would have been. Instead, you have to do it in steps. This is sort of like addictions even: some drugs if you stop them cold-turkey it can kill you. So you do have to taper down off of the drugs, not just stop cold turkey.

Hans

Saturday, October 20th, 2012

Pretty good explanation, I would say. I don't really have a right to speak anyway, since I am probably the biggest wimp on the face of the earth. I never do anything to get out of my comfort zone. I have great respect for those who make an effort...

Boodoo

Monday, October 22nd, 2012

As long as you tell yourself that, Hans, you will continue to be a wimp. As long as you tell yourself "I never do anything to get out of my comfort zone" then you never will. Baby steps. Start smiling at people. Is that really so difficult? Then start saying hello. Then start saying hello, and following it with a sentence. Etc. It's really that simple! :)

C

Saturday, October 20th, 2012

Hans, I don't think that's actually so true about you (ha, rhymes). Put it this way: I wasted at least 10 years in therapy (yes, I have a background in psychology and psychiatry but one reason is I also have a lot of issues in such fields). Some of it was because of the issues at hand but it put me back a lot further (progress wise). In the end there's some things I don't know if I'll ever get over but I have also come a long way. Other things I have no fear (or problems with) of whatsoever (e.g., I have a very high threshold of pain and that is not an exaggeration by any means; it's probably an understatement. Won't get into examples as it's something I try to avoid talking about or even discussing in public.). It's really all about perspective though. Regarding you: I would say the fact you are here does mean you at least have an interest in improving though, so that's more than some do. And of course, you do have a right to say those things: it's how you view it (hence perspective, above). Opinions are not necessarily always right or wrong; they could be either or there may be no right/wrong answer. In other words I think its not fair of yourself to yourself to say that you're the biggest wimp on Earth. I also think you probably do more than you realize even if not related to comfort. I often say I am terrible at mathematics but I know actually I'm not. I did poorly in school (mathematics) but with health issues, and the fact it would be fairly accurate to say I was not always in reality (at that time) I probably could have done a lot worse. And some of the stuff I do that involves mathematics shocks me a lot of the time. We are all our worst enemies and no matter what scares (or makes someone uncomfortable or any number of other things) - we all have strengths and we all have weaknesses. And that's actually a good thing because diversity is why we're not extinct (think about it: some of the the discoveries in science were either by accident or even based on an idea someone had that everyone else thought was crazy or impossible). Equally, I do have a lot of health problems but there's many out there that have far worse and it's healthy to keep that in mind and be thankful for too. I think what Michael is getting at (below) is all the things I wrote above and below. You can say you failed at something or you can realize (see below also) that you're human and you can learn from it. And not only that it makes you stronger and better. Lastly: we're human and we live in an imperfect world (universe even). So to expect to have no flaws is unrealistic. Mind you, I'm very much a perfectionist and it is a problem but I do try to keep that in mind as otherwise I'd get no where. Anyway - just some thoughts that hopefully help in some way or another.

J Dawg

Saturday, October 20th, 2012

I've noticed I'm really great and fearless at some things while some early traumas have kept me completely stuck in unreasonable fears of other things So we might each have our own weak areas that we can fill in by pushing ourself past those old fears that don't serve us well. Thanks Dave.

Technoboy

Saturday, October 27th, 2012

Boy can I relate to that one. I am fearless physically because I do crazy @#$ on my snowboard, plunge into icewater, take a 30 ft dive while thinking 'whee', etc. I am fearless at work because I honestly don't care whether I get fired - I will just find another job if I do. I am fearless socially because I don't care what other people think of me, so I can chew people out and do embarassing or ballsy things better than the average guy. BUT... Ask me to keep eye contact with a woman, or smile at her, or approach her, or ask for her number, or ask for a date, or tell her how I feel, etc, and I get knots in my stomach. It's so silly - I'm 190lb of bold raw man muscle, and I fear nothing, I tell you. Nothing. Except girls! They terrify me!! OK I'm exaggerating to be cute but you get the point.

Matthew

Saturday, October 20th, 2012

I wish David would do a boot camp in Arizona

Boodoo

Monday, October 22nd, 2012

I wish you'd stop allowing insignificant distances to be excuses for your non-growth! ;) Seriously, I've been to two bootcamps in London and there were guys who travelled from the US and around Europe to be there. Waiting for the right time/opportunity to do something is like waiting for all the lights to turn green for 5 miles before starting a journey. Stop making excuses and go to a bootcamp.

Sid

Saturday, October 20th, 2012

Awesome blog david totally agree

MichaelCee

Saturday, October 20th, 2012

Good Blog and Video. Guys, try to see this as a positive experience. Make the goal: I am going to work towards getting over these things and I will feel better at the end of the day for it. The goal is not about doing a thing that makes your uncomfortable It is about overcoming an obstacle today and every day forward until it is an integrated part of a better you. See the positive outcome; be the positive outcome. GOOD LUCK!

Hans

Saturday, October 20th, 2012

I just want to add that, according to my own experience, there are three levels within the comfort zone, and only one of those levels really matters. The first level is the theory, such as this website. It is excellent advice, and you feel pumped up and hyped to go out and do stuff. The second level is when you actually start practicing, preferably by talking to a woman you do not really find attractive. But you just want to test the waters. The third level is when you see a woman who makes your heart beat like a subway train. Level 1 and level 2 have no meaning anymore, because only level 3 is the real thing. I can illustrate this with another example: I once had a dive instructor who kept telling us that if we ever came across a shark out in the open, we would get a chance to see one of God's most beautiful creations. That got me pumped up. My level 2 experience was at Universal Studios. The 'Jaws' ride really is exciting, you KNOW the plastic shark is in there, but in the end, you KNOW that it is only plastic. Level 3 is me sitting in a submerged metal cage off the coast of South Africa, and there she comes, out of the darkness, swimming straight towards me, a 15 foot, great white shark. Our guide said it was a female shark. She definitely showed signs that she was into me, but more like potential dinner. That was actually me second near death experience.

Nick

Sunday, October 21st, 2012

On my cousins facebook page her profile has a banner picture of a sculpture of a figure running and it says "Break free from your mold" . this immage struck me as a sign. Things happen , especialy when your life has changed, when you dont expect it to , and when you dont choose it. Be somebody you havent been. dont be afraid of a change.

Bob

Sunday, October 21st, 2012

Interesting. I really can't think of three things that are out of my comfort zone that I am interested in overcoming.

Andrew

Sunday, November 18th, 2012

it's like women just have to exist in order to attract men ,to get a boyfriend

Your Comfort Zone

About David

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20 Comments | Join the Discussion!

Cancel reply

Sebestian

Boodoo

Boodoo

John

Justin

Hans

C

Hans

Boodoo

C

J Dawg

Technoboy

Matthew

Boodoo

Sid

MichaelCee

Hans

Nick

Bob

Andrew