outcome datingIt’s amazing. Instead of enjoying the dramatic and exciting rollercoaster dating takes us on, these days we’re all about outcome dating. The Internet and all of the online dating sites programmed us to write the exact outcome you want from your relationships. You’re told to let people know whether you want marriage, engagement, fun, children, or no children. They train you to write down every single detail you want to see in a man.

I always say it’s important to know the type of man you want, and to know what you want from a relationship, but training you to write every single detail and trait, trains you to look for a particular outcome. They sell everything on getting you that outcome. Until you reach that outcome, you’re a failure. We might as well call it magicpilldating.com.

And that’s why I think society has stopped enjoying romance and started outcome dating. We already start out with a story in our head of what we want. We’re so into this story and we want it so badly. Now we have this story, we put it on the Internet and expect our perfect opposite number to appear out the blue. We believe so much in that story, and we’ll do anything to make it happen.

The problem with that is dating is never really about a story. Dating shouldn’t be about expectations. When you set expectations, you’re setting yourself up for failure. The chances of someone meeting your expectations are so slim, you’re always going to feel let down. There are always twists. There are always turns. There are always bumps and compromises. You have to let go of your outcomes. When you’re not tied to an outcome, you keep moving forward and allow life to present whatever it wants to give you. When you have an outcome you put too much pressure on yourself to have the perfect ending.

Another Reason You Can’t Meet Men Online

So many of you find online dating frustrating. “Why don’t these men read my profile properly and see what I want? Why hasn’t the guy I described in my profile shown up yet? I wrote is all out so why isn’t he reading and responding to it?”

It used to be boy met girl. Boy and girl connected. Boy and girl didn’t create stories or expectations. Boy and girl just went with the flow. Boy was walking down the street. Girl was walking down the street. They just happened to cross paths and fall in love. Do you see the difference? It was all very real, and very organic. With outcome dating you put it all out there, believing someone, somewhere will read it and realize they’re your perfect match. That’s where the problem comes in.

Stop writing your love story. Write down how you want to feel in a relationship. Write down how you want a man to treat you in a relationship. But stop trying to map out your entire relationship before you’ve even met someone. I want you to do something for me today. If you have an online dating profile, I want you to look at it and tell me how much outcome you have on there. Then, I want you to change it. Ditch your template. Ditch your story. Let love happen naturally instead of trying to pre-qualify it.