A RANT ON COMMITMENT PHOBIC GUYS
By The Foxy Blonde

Thanks David for allowing me to vent on your blog and hearing what your readers thoughts are on this topic.

The other day I had lunch with a platonic male friend whose company I enjoy. We’ll call him Blaine. I was teasing him about his love life, which currently consists of a regular booty call who apparently comes and goes in the middle of the night because none of us have ever seen her. Blaine said this arrangement suits him just fine.

Why?

Because he’s “not ready for a serious relationship” and “probably won’t be for a long time.” To me, this would be a perfectly reasonable comment for a young guy in his 20s, or for someone just getting over a divorce or a break-up. But Blaine is 36 years old and uncomplicatedly single (not counting the booty call). I wondered why he was so relationship-averse. Blaine went on to complain that women in their 30s put too much pressure on guys to settle down. He says you can “smell the desperation on them.” He made it sound like a woman’s desire to find meaningful connection with a loving partner was somehow pushy or abnormal. Like wanting to having a relationship is as freaky as wanting your partner to pee on you while you eat hot dogs in stiletto heels.

I smiled and nodded, trying to be sympathetic, but let me be honest – inside I was boiling, on behalf of all womankind. If a guy wants to go it alone, fine, but he shouldn’t blame all the women he meets for wanting a relationship. When did it become okay to trash us for wanting to get married and…God forbid…have kids?

When I’m dating someone new, I find myself doing this dance. I try to find out if the guy is relationship and family oriented without revealing my own desires, so that in the words of Blaine, I don’t smell of desperation. This is tricky, but I’ve gotten good at it. It’s about listening. If the guy volunteers with kids, or loves visiting his niece and nephew, he may be sending a subtle clue that he’d like to have a family some day. When asked about myself, I walk a careful line. I tell guys, “I’d rather be alone than be with the wrong person. For me, it’s not about being with someone just to be with someone, it’s about finding that person that I don’t want to be without.” And all of that is absolutely true. I just wish it could happen before I’m 40. Is that so wrong?

Have you ever watched the TV show Entourage?

Would you like to create your own entourage and become that strong Alpha male that women desire.