What was your worst online date?

HEY? Where went the funny blog??? Uh, mmm No commment on this. I am not qualified.

wheres the blame it on the dog farting during sex blog??

Unfortunately, I do have experience with this one. Its actually pretty funny. Ronda and I laugh about this one all the time. So I agree to meet this guy. I've seen his pic. He's nice enough looking and 39. A bit too into the nascar for my taste, but I figured I'm just dating him, I ain't gonna marry the guy right? Well at the coffee shop what do I see? A guy who shows up without his teeth. He explains that he had a dental abscess and had to have them all removed, but when we go out on a real date, he'll make sure to wear his teeth. Its not like I didn't tell this guy what I did for a living.... So I drank my coffee and said thanks but no thanks... Why didn't he just say I used to be a meth head? No you gotta lie to me... You would think that when you meet someone for the first time you would show up with your basic equipment....

My online date and I met me in front of my building in Manhattan. He looked at me and said with a tragic voice,

So I live in Philly, my online date lives in NJ. I traveled to wildwood to see him at his families vacation home mind you this is date #2. I'm not very good with directions but I googled some maps and he sent me some too. I get to Wildwood fine, then get lost in wildwood. I call him on the phone to tell him I'm lost he sounds irritated. I was still in a good mood because I was so proud that I drove there without a gps and made it. Anyway, I drive and drive trying to find the vacation home, he can't explain it to me well and I can hear him kinda huffing on the phone, well that irritated me. I said, "Are you annoyed that I'm lost, I traveled 2hrs to get here?" He told me he had a headache from boating in Atlantic City. I finally pulled over only to see him down the block in the middle of the street. So now I'm annoyed, I get out say hello but wouldn't hug him. I saw that he really did look sick. We go in the house, I see him taking a pill for a migraine, he smiles at me and like a good sport takes me to the boardwalk we play games and he wins me a huge 4ft penquin on a pool game. Well it was a heat wave, so next thing I know he says, "can we go inside the pizza place to get out of the heat". I say fine, we talk and order food. All of a sudden, he breaks out in a sweat, and says, I have to go to the bathroom. The man is in the pizza place hurling chunks for a good 20 minutes. He pulled himself together came out, nibbled his pizza talked to me some more and we headed back out, went to the house and talked with his family which was nice. The date started bad, middle was nice and ended ok for me but we didn't go out again, because to top it all off, his best female friend that is dating his brother called up his ex and told her to get me out of the picture. His mom liked me though!

Oh I definitely have one that I must share with you all! My best friend from Pittsburgh was visiting me in Baton Rouge. At the time, I had just began talking to a girl that I had met on Yahoo Personals. When my friend was here, he ended up hooking up with one of my friends (who we will call "Alli"), who suggested that him, her, and I should go on a double date for boiled crawfish. I agreed, and figured I would ask the girl if she would like to come with us. Now the girl claimed to be 25 years old, with no children, and a non-smoker. She told me to come and pick her up in Livingston, which is about a 15 mile drive outside of Baton Rouge, literally in the swamps. I got in the car with Alli, as my friend remained at my apartment, and we drove to Livingston to pick this girl up. What I saw was someone who looked as though she was 30-35 years old, with rotting teeth. Unable to cancel on her now, she got in the backseat of my car, and I had Alli sit up front for the drive back. When we got back to my apartment, I told my best friend, "Dude, she is so fucking ugly! We have got to get this date over quick." We proceeded to look for crawfish. Unfortuantely, it was Sunday, I was rather new to the area, and didn't know where I could go to get some. After about an hour long drive around the city, we ended up eating at IHOP (in case you don't know, IHOP, even in Louisiana, does not serve crawfish). It was a horrible experience. The girl with the rotting teeth proceeded to tell us about her "cousin", who I suspected was actually her daughter. My friend kept on making fun of the girl, asking her questions like, "What was it like before television?" Needless to say, after a horrible dinner experience, we had to drive her back to Livingston.. well now, instead of dropping her off where I had met her (a public place), she wanted us to bring her to her house... errr... trailer. My friend and I really had to go to the bathroom... BAD. Eventually, we made it to the trailer in the middle of the woods and she invited us in so we could use the bathroom. We both thought she was going to kill us, so we told her no, held in our pee, and drove to the nearest gas station (a good 30 minute drive)... and the place was completely locked up.... :-P Never again.

(i might add that none of the pictures she sent me showed her teeth... no way I could've known about it)

I don't have any one experience that would stand out, but I have many online experiences with people who weren't as advertised, socially inept, or where there was simply no real-life chemistry... so I just gave up on it because real life interactions to meet are so much better. I hope there will be more blog topics and discussions on that in the future, since David is the king of that game.

Wow except for that one, I've had pretty good experiences with the men I've met online. Maybe cause I haven't told any weird stories and I do have current pics....who knows?

I haven't really had any bad online dates, just some disappointing chemistry, and at least a few of those were probably a result of my own ineptness. After reading David's (and some others') advice, I know I could've done better. Bertie- Wow! I can't imagine a guy thinking it's okay to leave your teeth home when you first meet someone. It sounds like he got permanently tweaked by his habit. bella- Funny story. You sure managed to pack a lot into one date. That's the NJ shore for you. Tony- Your story was off the chain, my man.

I made a date with a guy who seemed really nice. He was witty & funny and I thought we's have a great time. He planned the date -- wanted to meet at the Hotel Rivington bar, at the time a swank new place on the Lower East Side in Manhattan. I live some distance from the LES. but I was fine with it. The evening we were to meet, I was emabarrassingly enough, running late by about 15 minutes, so I called to give him a heads up. "Oh, good," he said. "I'm running late too." I was relieved until he told me that he was on his way home to Brooklyn -- from IKEA in New Jersey -- and then had to drop stuff off before coming back into the city to meet. Okay, for those of you who don't know, this could well run into hours with traffic and me waiting at a bar for said man to show up! I was completely appalled. I cancelled the date & went to dinner and a movie (all through the movie, the man serial-dialed my cell phone). Yikes!

Yes Bob. Its one of the reasons why I don't date much in my own zip code. lol

That's funny, Bertie. If it's that bad, you might even think about looking for another zip code to live in.

I've thought about it Bob. Its just that it is so pretty here on the very very Northwest edge of California. I can still offroad in the mountains without someone chaining themselves to a tree. We still have a beach you can play on without running into fifty people. I only have a six mile route to work. My kids are safe here. All in all the hour and a half drive to date is a lot less irksome and actually its a lot like having a holiday romance, than having to deal with the city. I really love the place where the redwoods meet the sea. Can't help it much, Bob, I'm small town.

Bertie, you may be small town, but you've obviously got your head screwed on straight. You're right, the California North Coast is great. We used to take the kids camping at Patrick's Point, north of Eureka. In fact, my ex is up there right now.

Bob, I live in CC! Eureka is the big city! Also where I seem to find the most interesting men. The place is positively dripping with them. If I could work for the St Joseph's Health system, I might think about moving there!

Yeah, you're out there, all right, Bertie--damn near in Oregon. It's fun to think of Eureka as the Big City. It's a long way from living in the Bay Area, and not just in distance.

Yes sure am! Yes it is. I love going for a few days to the bay, but its rather hard to find peace and tranquility there.

Understood. It was good talking to you Bertie. See you in another blog episode or so.

merry thats what i call a simple process of elimination.

Don Plenty of good advice is coming down the road this week. One more day of online today since the topic is so highly debated!!!

Hey Tony Was she one of the back woods cajun girls and if you went to her house daddy would gave been her brother and her mother would have been her cousin? I laughed so hard when i read this yesterday!!!!

Hey Bella No kissing that guy after that....and wow if i was that sick the last thing i would ever want to eat is pizza!!

Jessica Has your date ever heard of allergy pills. And what a lame excuse.......he could not walk anywhere in NYC without smelling perfume. Hypochondriac

Berite Always show up with your teeth.....funny stuff

Here is my worst online dating experience: I ended up emailing a girl that lived in small city about an hour's drive from my city. I don't normally even consider dating at a distance like that, but she looked cute and we had some common interests, so I decided to go for it and see how things played out. What did I have to lose right? We escalated from email to MSN to phone very quickly and once on the phone she invited me to come out to her city with a strong implication that I could spend the night at her place due to the long distance. She also wanted me to just meet her at her apartment. In hindsight, I should have seen these things as red lights, but I was thinking more with head #2 ;) So I show up, and she's not quite as cute as the picture, is eating-disorder skinny, and just seems... weird, but none of which are enough to make me turn around and go home. So I come into her place and we start chatting. 30 seconds into our conversation, she lights up a smoke. Her profile said 'occasional smoker,' which was apparently a lie. Even THAT would have been forgivable, but she wasn't just smoking cigarettes, she was smoking those nasty little faux-cigars with the plastic tip. The smell almost had me gagging and I had to ask her to open a window. She proceeded to chain smoke those things the entire night. We are just chilling out talking in her living room, and she seems unable to hold a conversation about anything. She informs that she grew up in a tiny isolated town and that she used to do 'a lot' of drugs, but not anymore. I'm feeling increasingly weirded out and uncomfortable about the whole situation. The conversation is really starting to wane, and I don't just want to sit around inhaling smoke all night, so I tell her we should go out. I ask if she knows any good places to have a drink since I don't know the city. Then, for reasons beyond me, she goes and calls one of her friends and finds out where they are so we can meet up. Another red light, but I allowed it thinking that her friend might at least be more interesting. Boy was I wrong. The 'friend' turned out to be some 50 old, grizzly looking barfly who hung out practically every night at this dumpy bar that she took us (and this girl was in her early 20s). Just stepping into this bar was like stepping through a time portal into early 90's. That ALONE had me freaked out, let alone the the next two hours of painful awkwardness as I sat across from this old dude trying to find anything that we had in common to talk about (there was nothing), and trying to puzzle out exactly what sort of relationship he had with this girl (it was extremely unclear, as the guy seemed unusually 'close' with her). Somehow that nightmare ended and we came back to her apartment. We instantly resumed the chain smoking and stunted conversation game. She seemed to be waiting for me to do something.... and I think I know what it was, and I no longer wanted any part of it. Finally, I just said "I can't do this. I'm going home." She started saying things like how late it was, etc, and I just said, "I don't care, I'm going home." I felt a little bad but I know it was the right call. And that's only my SECOND worst date ever...

Damn! That makes my toothless guy story seem pretty tame....

Wow Jeff, that's takes the cake. Talk about yuck! I have asthma a date like that would have killed me.

Jeff- That's a pretty gruesome story, all right. Good for you that Head #1 finally reestablished control of the situation. I can imagine how much grief and drama it spared you. Some time you have to let us in on your worst online date story. As I've alluded to in other posts, I really don't have any horror story of my own to contribute to this discussion. The only online dating I've done is from responding to the Women Seeking Men section of Craig's List. I try to be really selective. An ad that's well written, with an authentic voice, that gives me the feeling of talking to a real person is a pretty good bet, especially if it's spiced with a wry sense of humor.

Hey David W. speaking of the kissing thing, on the first date with this guy the kisses were awesome, so I was really looking forward to more kissing on the second date, but after the vomit spell no amount of mints could have tempted me. Nasty!

Bella They puke i run!!!

I met a guy through one of the on line dating sites and we agreed to meet in Slidell, LA. I lived about 2 hours from there and so did he. We had chatted online and over the telephone SEVERAL times and I was ready for the face to face. He looked better then I expected, I was pleased...dinner was great...conversation was better then I thought it would be. He was too good to be true...damn right he was. About 2 hours into our quite dinner and drinks I received a phone call on my cell phone. I didn't know the number, but it was a LA area code so I answered it. The voice on the other end asked me how I was enjoying my dinner with her husband...! She wanted to know how long we had been chatting and she proceeded to tell me that she had broken into his email account and had everything and that she would file me in the divorce lawsuit as the one that broke up their marriage. I explained that I had been told that he was widowed 2 yrs earlier and that this had been verified through his brother and mother...it gets better y'all...his family really did tell me that. They were so ready to get rid of the wife that I wonder if they had plans to knock her off. LOL Anyhow, I handed him the phone so that he could get his crap together and I waited for him to finish the conversation, since it was my phone he was using...he paid for everything, apologized and said that he wanted to see me again. That was 6 yrs ago and the guy still calls me, lol...move on mister...

David; LOL...yea..thats it in full to that one..LOL AAAAA you make me laugh sometimes!

Jesus, Nicole! That's one for the books. He's still calling you? I think he's living in some LA version of reality.

David, I always show up with the original equipment. There's only one thing missing, but I'm not going into a fantastic surgical history here. Its kind of an icky story anyway. I'm laying in the hospital with tubes. I look like hell and all the people I work with saw me pale with horrible messy hair. My ex leaves me to go see his girlfriend after picking a fight with me. A classic story of helpless female. Makes me want to cringe when I think about it.

David - I don't know if she was one of those interbreeded rednecks (Cajuns have never really been known for interbreeding; they're Catholic, after all!), but I'm pretty sure we heard "Dueling Bangos" on the way to drop her off... lol

Gotta Love the dualing banjos!!!! Ok tony whats up with the Saints? I have Drew Brees on my fantasy team and he is killing me!!!

For me, the jury is still out on online dating. I met the best date and the worst date of my life online. So since this is about the worst online dating experience here goes ... I was open and upfront about everything (pictures, kids, a few extra pounds, and my passion for extreme sports). This guy sent me a very outdated photo and didn't mention that he had gained 70lbs since it was taken. He was 5 years younger than he claimed to be (which is a lot when you're in your mid 20s). He was just kinda strange and socially awkward. We were playing pool and he was telling me how great he was at it, when he was really horrible and he thought that hitting the balls so hard that they went flying off the table was cool. Then he flat out asked me what jeans size I wear ... I was in shock, this was a 1st date. Then he said, don't worry my ex-girlfriend was a size 22 and about 20lbs heavier than you, around 250lbs. Talk about offended, I'm 170lbs and a size 14 who's pretty athletic for that size. On top of everything else he started talking about sexual stuff and made a comment about me being uptight because I didn't want to discuss my favorite sexual positions on a 1st date (one that was going poorly at that). And me, uptight? Not likely considering I teach lapdancing & pole dancing classes. To be polite I hung around for an hour, but then I just couldn't take anymore and made up an excuse to leave (but before leaving he told me some story about how the bank had messed up his account and he only had $5 with him, so I covered the cost of everything but $5, but at least I was on my way out). Then on his way home he text messages me. Then calls me. Then emails me about how great the date was. I told him that I didn't see a 2nd date in our future and he continued to call, text message, IM, and email so I blocked his numbers and screen name. Then he created a new screen name and IMed me to ask if I had blocked his other screen name and why. The answer was so obvious, but he just didn't get it and now the 2nd screen name is blocked to. It was horrible at the time, but really kinda funny looking back on it ... it was the kind of horrible 1st date that you would see on a sitcom.

My God, Molie- I can see why you'd an aversion to online dating after that! You were lucky the guy finally gave up. The best online date must have been off the charts to bring you back to make you even consider it again. Bad and creepy is not a good combination. Looking back, is there anything in hindsight in his corresondence that might have tipped you off?

Hmmm ... the only tip off that i glossed over was that he was in a big hurry to meet. I probably should have taken things a little slower and got to know him a little better, we started IMing on a Wednesday and went out on a Friday. But really, if you misrepresent yourself why would you be in a big hurry to meet? Did he think he was so charming over phone that I would overlook all the lies? Obviously not the case. It was only 1 wasted hour out of my life and here I am months later laughing about it, so at least there was some entertainment value!

Great attitude, Molie. Full props. Maybe sometime you'll regale us with your best date.

LOL Bob, maybe some day. In the meantime though I just wrote about the best sex ever, which happens to be with my best date, over in the "Did You Cum?" blog.

Something I actually know a good deal about! *lol* I have had some uber-crappy online dates, but I'll go back to my favorite one. There is the time the guy tried to get permission on our 3rd date to talk to other women while on our date, but that's for another day. In college, I met a guy through a website that was similar to MySpace, but before MySpace existed. We decided to meet in front of a McDonald's near my dorm (that way, I figured I could make a quick exit if necessary). I see him and he looks as expected (albeit not 5'10"!). Ok, good start. He gives me a hug and suggests that we head to Times Square to go to one of those bars w/video games. Again, that's fine by me. On the train ride, we get to talking about classes we're taking. He tells me how he really hates school, but he's doing it to become rich someday. This doesn't vibe with my philosophy (I actually went to college to learn things), but whatever. He then proceeds to tell me that the only class he does like is Sexual Deviance. He's getting an "A" in that and he tells me about a number of things that I never wanted to hear. We finally get off of the train and I am very excited for us to move on to something else. I mention being hungry and he says he knows just where to go. Imagine my surprise when we walk into a corner store. I just get a chocolate chip cookie, since we clearly won't be sitting down to eat and I want something portable. He grabs a container of yogurt with fruit at the bottom. It was the strangest thing I've ever seen; a man walking down the street eating a container of yogurt. Did I mention that he's still talking about sexual deviance? He was getting weirder by the minute. Because I am very expressive in my face (its clear when something is awry), I decided to tell him that I "wasn't feeling well" and that I should just go home. I could not get away from him fast enough!

Well I just got back from my online date tonight. We've been talking for a month and everything seemed cool. I wasn't so sure of pics because he looked like he had a hard life, but I didnt' want to be a snob. Anyway, I drive to the Art Museum where we are supposed to meet at 3p. I call and he's not there he's at a park 3 miles away. Because of the type of moving traffic I can't wait so I go to where he is almost got in a car accident at this point twice because there were a lot of events going on with college students and there was tons of construction. I spot him he gets in my car and says while laughing, I only have my bus pass, I forgot my wallet and my money, lets go to a park. I'm aggravated from traffic and his comment. Doesn't he watch movies, ....Never go on a date without your wallet and some money!!! He should have cancelled the date. So I try to be nice anyway, but I'm still pissed, my car almost gets rear ended again!!! I take him to a park, one that I know very well. It has a track and I decide we are going to speed walk for 2-3 miles. I made him break out in a sweat and lose his breath, then I sent him home. I drove in horrible traffic, wasted gas to go nowhere, so he's gonna pay in sweat dammit!!! I order chinese, and get home in time to watch my city's baseball team lose today to the Nationals, and now tied with the Mets. This day sucked!

Bella - That "date" sounds like the pits, but its nice to see another Philly girl on here! I swear if the Phils don't make it to the playoffs...well, I don't know what I'd do but it would suck! Hey, if you ever feel like bonding over weird dating experiences in the city, let me know! Or we could head out and practice some of David's ideas...

Bella- Speaking as someone who used to work in Philly, it sounds like there's an unfortunate parallel between your online dating experience and the experience of Phillies fans. Even modest expectations produce disappointment and frustration. It's unbelievable what kind of stuff guys pull. Sometimes I think dating etiquette should be a mandatory part of the high school curriculum so that people at least have a rudimentary sense of how to behave.

Hey Jaime, it's nice to have a Philly girl who knows my pain. We're all on edge here hoping the Phils win! I wonder if it's a Philly thing Jaime. I'm having more bad dates then good ones. Hey Bob, You are too funny with the expectations comment and yes it does feel like that a lot. I completely agree with you, dating should be taught! People really don't know how to date anymore, or simply don't care. Thanks for the coments!!!

BTW Jaime I just read your dating experience and you know what, why do guys discuss sex on first dates. It's creepy. Some kind of way my date brought up and began discussing Porn. There are too many other things to talk about on a first date! I think I'm going to take a vacation from the dating thing. I'm tired of toads!! Have a great Sunday! Go Phillies!!! Go Eagles!!!

Talking about sex on a first date is a bit strange, but it happens. Now on occasion this has backfired on me, but then the times that it has made for an interesting conversation. Whenever the guy starts talking about it, I steer the conversation back and ask him all sorts of questions based on what he's said.

Bella and Jaime-- At last! Something for you long-suffering Phillies fans to celebrate. When I lived in the Phila. area, the Phillies lost every single game I went to. I finally stopped going because I thought I was a jinx.

The mets melted down the stretched it was the biggest choke in the history of baseball. No team has ever lost a 7 game lead with 3 weeks left in the season! Fire Randolph tomorrow!!!

David, I really did think about you when I heard that the Mets had lost their game today. I'm sending you virtual hug! And you are right, its one of the worst collapses in the history of baseball (hell, maybe in the history of sports). But at the same time, I was SCREAMING MY HEAD OFF in the car as I listened to the end of the Phillies game. When they put the Mets loss up on the away board, the crowd (who were already going nuts) really exploded. A friend of mine who lives downtown said she could faintly hear the screaming coming from the ballpark when she opened her windows. Even as the Eagles choked on the big one tonight, people were still excited and happy because of the Phils. It was the coolest thing I've seen since I've lived here. I can't even imagine the craziness that'll go on if they make it all the way!