Movin’ On Up To The Eastside

Rat atat tat tat tat rat atat tat tat. Have you ever heard that sound in your head – rat atat tat tat tat rat atat tat tat tat tat? Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a Vienna sausage stuck in a jar with not enough liquid?

Well, yesterday I experienced all of that. I got the MRI.

I can’t begin to tell you how cheap they were. It’s not like I was hoping to experience a “happy ending” or anything, but for what I’m going to have to pay that my insurance doesn’t cover (and believe me, Michael Moore, I’m sure the insurance company is going to stick it to me on this one!), you’d think they’d at least invest in some Bose® noise-reducing headphones.

The MRI machine looks like one of those Japanese hotels. You know, those beds you rest on in Japan that look like you’re sleeping in a drawer.

It was pretty good at first. They put out a sheet and a pillow. I was actually starting to feel good, until they hand you a cheap pair of earphones.

They tell you that you may hear a few sounds. You MAY hear a few sounds? Sure, only if you’re almost deaf. It sounds like an airplane engine trying to start. So, really, some noise-reducing headphones would have been much better than the experience I had.

I also have to say that waiting for test results is the ultimate mind-fuck. So many of you stress out about if he (or she) is going to call you back. They don’t call you back, oh well! Whatever they do say to you on the phone, they are not going to tell you that you have a blown disc in your back.

So why are you stressing about whether someone calls you back? If they call, it is definitely good news. If they don’t call, then you have your answer.

With an MRI and test results, all you know when the phone rings is that the caller ID is letting you know it’s your doctor’s office on the phone. There’s really two very different ways that phone call can go.

So as I’m laying here waiting for test results, I can’t help but think that we all need to stop sweating the “is she (or he) going to call me back” thing. I get emails about this from people all the time “David, is she going to call me back?”

People even play mind games on themselves about this calling back issue. They will start to sweat about WHAT the person will say if they do call back. Let me tell you one thing: In dating, if someone calls you it’s generally a GOOD thing!

When a doctor calls you, it can be either good or bad. You could hear you have a blown disc, or you could hear everything’s pretty much good and that you just have a minor structural problem.

Isn’t it funny that no matter what we do, our mind will take us places we never want to go? I always tell people that my mind is like New York City.

One minute it’s there in Soho enjoying a beautiful art gallery and sitting outside in a nice cafe. The next moment it’s in the projects in a dark alley, and you’re the only one without a gun.

If you think about it, all of our minds are like a city. They have some good neighborhoods, and some really bad neighborhoods. The question is, how do you keep your mind out of the bad neighborhoods and only live on the upper East Side?

Because, of course, as The Jeffersons always said, “We’re movin’ on up to the East Side, to a deluxe apartment in the sky. Oh, we’re movin’ on up to the East Side. We finally got a piece of the pie….Now we’re up in the big leagues getting our turn at bat.”

By the way, on one final note, I made a decision while I was in the MRI machine. I decided that I want an open casket when I die. I mean, I got to be in one of the open MRI machines which was pretty nice. So when I die, I don’t want my soul to feel claustrophobic. My soul needs to be free!

Today’s podcast deals with what to do when he (or she) doesn’t call you. Find out exactly what kind of mindset you should have to get through that situation, and what you can take away from that situation. This will forever change the way you feel about not getting that call!