What Is A Real Man?

Men's Advice Mindset, Uncategorized

By David Wygant March 16, 2011 455 Shares

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How many of you have heard women ask: “Where have all the real men gone?”

Women often complain that they are dating the perpetual “man-boy.” A Peter Pan.

So, today I am going to post this picture.

How does it make you feel as a man?

If you’re a woman, how does this picture relate to your dating life?

Do you find the statement below to be true?

Lets get a great debate going today.

Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.

About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

24 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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Matt

Wednesday, March 16th, 2011

Men live their lives in a way that attracts women,Peter pan boys are caught up in seeking approval they give away their power/self respect.

shan

Wednesday, March 16th, 2011

I think a real man is one that does both...but it's the same way about women. Let's face it, we are all adults and children that duke it out inside one shell. Guess the trick is to find the balance.

Name (required)

Wednesday, March 16th, 2011

I wonder if women really know what they are asking when they say they want a real man? How do they determine a real man from a fake man? Or Man Boy? What's the standard or status quo? Do we hear many men asking where have all the real women gone? Sometimes I think it is because of women's nature that men are the way they are today.

Stephen

Wednesday, March 16th, 2011

THe above comment starting with "I wonder if women....." was started by me. I forgot to put my name.

Carlos Dominguez

Wednesday, March 16th, 2011

This is 100% true! In fact a real man control his life, life doesnt control him!

Stephen

Wednesday, March 16th, 2011

I wonder if women really know what they are asking when they say they want a real man? How do they determine a real man from a fake man? Or Man Boy? What’s the standard or status quo? Do we hear many men asking where have all the real women gone? Sometimes I think it is because of women’s nature that men are the way they are today. Your comment is awaiting moderation.

Pete

Wednesday, March 16th, 2011

Men decide what they want and go get it. Period. A man endures the hardships, confronts his fears, conquers the obstacles in his way and does not quit until he gets to where he is going. A man has the guts to stand up for what he believes in. A man does what's right, even if it's difficult. A man makes choices, easy or tough. A man doesn't care about the status quo, because the status quo is simply following everyone else, because you're afraid to go your own way, to do what's right for you. And a woman recognizes this. It's got nothing to do with what you do, how you dress or how you talk. It has everything to do with who you are, how you carry yourself and what you stand up for. There are far too many grown-up boys out there. And they will attract the grown-up girls.

Pete

Wednesday, March 16th, 2011

Oh man you hit hard on that one David lol but its true.. all have to do with self love if you have that you understand what you want and go for what you want and no matter how many times you fail you will get it because you got the attitude of a real man that's what I call the Denzel Washington mode!

Steven

Thursday, March 17th, 2011

Here's what springs to mind for me: When I read the first line, I see Matt Damon as Jason Bourne. When I read the second line, I see this image of a guy with a needy look on his face, begging his girlfriend for something. For a man, the world conforms to him. He moves through the world with conviction regardless of how people react. If people shrink from him because they think he is too masculine, he doesn't let their reaction throw him off course. He ravishes the world. A man-boy deludes himself into thinking that he is powerless in the world, he has to pussyfoot around and make sure everyone is happy all the time and say yes to everyone, he is owned by social conditioning, probably complains a lot with a screwed up face - like when a baby is about to cry...(those are just the images that are coming to my mind).

Farley

Thursday, March 17th, 2011

Men make decisions that make them happy, at the same time without upsetting others on purpose. Boys make decisions that make other people happy, as long as those people wont get upset with them. Men live their lives with no strings attached, so they do what they want. Boys live their lives with strings attached, trying not to upset others, so they do what they can.

Legan

Thursday, March 17th, 2011

In my mind, the MAN vs. man-boy dichotomy turns on one's perception of reality. A man swaggers through the world with an internal locus of control. A man understands universal laws, and how his thoughts and emotions ultimately dictate one's reality. A man "does what he wants" because he understands that he is the artist of his own reality, he doesn't view himself as a leaf blowing haphazardly in the wind of circumstance -- instead, he is the "Mayor of his life." A man grabs hold of his destiny -- whether "destiny" is defined as a quality woman, or a quality job. The Peter Pan-Man allows society and women to dictate his thoughts and emotions. In the words of Carl Jung his anima (or interal woman) is out of balance. He feels that he is a victim of circumstance, that his woman, his job, and his reality are all caused by external forces -- by "getting lucky." As such, Peter Pan is drowning in a sea of circumstance, and is perpetually surveying his surroundings for ego validation. "Am I wearing the right clothes?" "Am I saying the right words?" "Am I sending the right message?" This mental static signifies an external locus of control. A phenomenon that leads this person to grasp at straws -- to get what he can, not what he wants. Because he ultimately lacks the personal evolution and maturity to understand that what we want is always within our control -- within our minds.

Sara

Thursday, March 17th, 2011

To me is not about being a 'real' man or a woman. It's about being a person, someone who knows himself, someone who thinks about his or hers actions, someone who knows what he wants and goes for it. These are people I’m comfortable to be with, not someone who put on an act. The acts are so easily to see and they are so boring and so alike.

nick

Friday, March 18th, 2011

I would say that it seems true. Because I'm a 17 year old in high school and the guys that I'm surrounded with are so immature that its true that boys do what they can and men do what they want.

Chuck

Saturday, March 19th, 2011

When I see this, I think of it as a good mental check. I have lived in both positions in this scenario...doing what I want, and doing what I "can". Living for what I want is SOO much better, so if I ever feel like I'm doing what I "can"...this will be a good manhood check for me.

Stuart

Monday, March 21st, 2011

Women do like to whine and manipulate men's egos sometimes though, don't you think? Like, should we try to prove ourselves as 'men' to prove ourselves to women. So she doesn't have to have any courage, like all humans should? It's all seems very ambiguous and emotive. Okay, so I like to be a boy. That is, childlike, which, I think, is good. But childish, pretending to be what you're not, I think, is not so good. So, what does the derogatory 'boy' refer to? Childish or childlike? Or doesn't it matter as long as it has the desired effect?

TomTom

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011

Life is not black and white: man is this, or that (classification), You man, or Peter Pan! Ey, there is not a switch between be a man or Peter Pan, it is a life lasting process. Of course it's not healthy to be a Peter Pan at your 40's all the time. I do agree with Sara comment's about 'someone who knows himself, someone who thinks about his or hers actions', means you have to have awareness (it's an exercise, it is not a thing), you grow and LEARN, not get OLD only. Get old is by its own, LEARN you need awareness, get out of your comfort zone and grow. You are a grown man when you give something valuable about your personality to others, and you are Peter Pan when you live begging for approval. I guess that is the most noticeable sign. So, if you start late at 50 feeling this, ey!, you are still alive, go and learn something, there is nothing wrong with you. Stop bi#ching yourself and enjoy life as a human being. Life is easy, we get it so screwed up complicated. Woman run away from neediness and self-centered, that is Peter Pan way.

Matthew

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011

I do believe what defines a "real man" is provided with perfection by Legan, for I too am quite the fan of Jung. However, I believe it is equally important to note, again, what TomTom just stated, in that the classification of being a "man" or "boy" is not black and white. Therefore, while one should always strive for this ideal role, none of us are able to always live up to the stereotypical standards of what defines a real man, and any woman of true value will understand this. Once this idea is realized and embraced with an open heart and mind, the maturation process within each male will naturally follow. In other words, we gentlemen must strive for balance, not perfection, and relax in the excitement brought on by the challenge of improving ourselves a little each day. Becoming a man is a lifelong process that should be embraced along with failure because, as we all have learned from David, failure and rejection really do not exist, but are instead only opportunities for sucess. Let us all strive to relax within an ongoing, exciting journey of self-discovery and most importantly, self-forgiveness.

TomTom

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011

Love that Matthew, let me repeat it: "...failure and rejection really do not exist, but are instead only opportunities for success" Lets get into what I love to call EDISON MINDSET: "I did not fail 6000 times, I don't even fail one, I just discover 6000 way that light bulb won't work" but he had in mind HE WILL SUCCESS, he will keep focusing on his outcome. Thanks God he did!!! If we can REALLY get rid of the stupid game of 'PAIN ON FAILURE' we got: "Oh, if a FAIL again, I have to go again to the PAIN to beat myself up!!!, saying how stupid I was, she reject me!" We all create this type of punishment to our self (we are weird...), THAT WE DON'T NEED AT ALL. She doesn't like me? she 'reject' me in some way?, GREAT! NEXT! Now, what CAN I DO to improve myself for the next time?, what CAN I LEARN from this 'test' to the next one? (Same as Edison)

Rose

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011

Interesting line David ! Okay, so I spend sometime baby sitting my friend's 7 year old boy, all the time, he has to show off what toys he has, how he's superior to his neighboring kids, how his parents got him costly gifts, how he's the best etc.It's okay for a boy to do that, but I felt I met this boy before, in a grown-up. This grown up boy, all he's focused on is himself, on his cars, on his status, he doesn't attempt to connect or care for the woman.He's so involved in himself and selfish, just like a kid. The boy is also afraid of lot of things that adult's aren't, he's powerless and he looks for others approval all the time. ( In other words, a man-boy is powerless, so he tries extra hard to please the woman by showing off his car etc). A boy also cannot take rejection and whines a lot, when someone leaves him for a day, without any information. The list goes on ... A boy needs approval, lots of attention. A man doesn't. A man on the other hand, tries to connect with a woman, he has the power to choose the woman, he does not try to impress anyone, he is good to be himself.Just the opposite of the boy ! No woman wants to be with a boy, she's going to have kids down the line, and having another adult to raise the kids would be great than being married to a man-boy.

Name (required)

Saturday, March 26th, 2011

Additionally, I do agree with what Rose has just posted. However, I find it difficult to hear a woman's perspective in this area sometimes because she is not plagued by the Post-Baby Boomer generation model of boys being raised by women, or more specifically, raised by their mothers. Just to clarify out of respect for Rose, this comment by no means ignores or disaccounts the countless difficulties of equal importance that are faced by women, and what I am saying is opinion-based only, and women are in no way to blame for this scenario. However, it is difficult for women at times to fully comprehend the pressures faced by men who are expected to live according to the code of specifications that identify what a "real man" is supposed to be, while these same men experienced the majority of their developmental years with their mothers who, no fault of their own, can never teach or cultivate a boy into being a man. I know my experience is just one amongst a vast population, but I see it in almost every male I encounter in our American culture. Rose, if you have not already done so, I would ask you the favor of reading some of Robert Bly's writings along with Robert Moore or Michael Meade if you ever have the time. They really describe well the plight of most contemporary men. Also, these writers are very good at not vilifying women. Okay, enough of giving Rose a hard time for no reason, for it is now time for me to wrap this up with a final note or two. Although I believe women should as a whole be much more patient with men who are having a more difficult time adjusting to the psychology of a true man without experiencing the appropriate initiation and rearing that is necessary for such a transformation to take place, it is time for men to take more responsibility for themselves, which is what I believe every man on this blog is doing, and I am so happy to see this!! We live in a culture that often makes the role of a man one of mockery, as we have all seen via the mass media, with the most common thread being that of sitcoms that posit the man of the household as lazy, goofy, and subserviant to the intellectual and emotional superiority of the woman of the household. Therefore, it is time for us to stop feeding into these stereotypes that have been etched into our psyches! I see it too much. So many men, including many of my closest friends and unfortunately even myself complain about the misunderstandings of women and about why they do not have more respect for us, and then we all perpuate, at times, these same behaviors. Okay, I am done, and I apologize for the rant! Also, I just came off a mild misunderstanding with my girlfriend, so I have some added fuel. Thanks for listening everyone, especially Rose if you do read this!

Matthew

Saturday, March 26th, 2011

Additionally, I do agree with what Rose has just posted. However, I find it difficult to hear a woman’s perspective in this area sometimes because she is not plagued by the Post-Baby Boomer generation model of boys being raised by women, or more specifically, raised by their mothers. Just to clarify out of respect for Rose, this comment by no means ignores or disaccounts the countless difficulties of equal importance that are faced by women, and what I am saying is opinion-based only, and women are in no way to blame for this scenario. However, it is difficult for women at times to fully comprehend the pressures faced by men who are expected to live according to the code of specifications that identify what a “real man” is supposed to be, while these same men experienced the majority of their developmental years with their mothers who, no fault of their own, can never teach or cultivate a boy into being a man. I know my experience is just one amongst a vast population, but I see it in almost every male I encounter in our American culture. Rose, if you have not already done so, I would ask you the favor of reading some of Robert Bly’s writings along with Robert Moore or Michael Meade if you ever have the time. They really describe well the plight of most contemporary men. Also, these writers are very good at not vilifying women. Okay, enough of giving Rose a hard time for no reason, for it is now time for me to wrap this up with a final note or two. Although I believe women should as a whole be much more patient with men who are having a more difficult time adjusting to the psychology of a true man without experiencing the appropriate initiation and rearing that is necessary for such a transformation to take place, it is time for men to take more responsibility for themselves, which is what I believe every man on this blog is doing, and I am so happy to see this!! We live in a culture that often makes the role of a man one of mockery, as we have all seen via the mass media, with the most common thread being that of sitcoms that posit the man of the household as lazy, goofy, and subserviant to the intellectual and emotional superiority of the woman of the household. Therefore, it is time for us to stop feeding into these stereotypes that have been etched into our psyches! I see it too much. So many men, including many of my closest friends and unfortunately even myself complain about the misunderstandings of women and about why they do not have more respect for us, and then we all perpuate, at times, these same behaviors. Okay, I am done, and I apologize for the rant! Also, I just came off a mild misunderstanding with my girlfriend, so I have some added fuel. Thanks for listening everyone, especially Rose if you do read this!

TomTom

Sunday, March 27th, 2011

I want to highlight something Mathew say it straight to a hot spot: Our Society's Propaganda work so deep and for so long, that makes a long lasting impress in our subconscious mind that takes another 1 or 2 DECADES to get rid off it. Think about: Macho man, TV start with that, the Wild West, the super-hero, men slapping women faces, or pushing her like a sack of potatoes, and the list goes on and on. Think about: cigarette?? I guess this is the most shocking of all. TV gurus say: Ey, what they want right now? cigarette?, lets make it the star as long as it works to make money for people staying there! Till today are people that keep smoking (rather than people starting to smoke habit) after decades!! Same happen now about women wining social position, and men stay back there like a crying-baby. NO WONDER WE (MEN) ARE SO SCREWED UP and hard to get out from this apparently abysmal difference approaching women. They feed TV with THIS ISSUES ALL THE TIME, EVERYWHERE, mocking on man like stupid 3 stooge, or even worse, mocking on how a son/daughter disrespect his/her parents, it is the HOT SPOT and feed men and women minds about it. And be aware of this is REAL IMPORTANT to grow ourself throughout this stuff. Right on.

Leanne

Sunday, March 27th, 2011

I was reading through everyone's posts. I must put my hand up as being guilty of this thought. I am not sure if everyone is aware that men and women are hormonaly geared to have different roles within relationships. Testosterone gives men strength, determination, and focus. Oestrogens and progesterones give females their multitasking abilites and their interrelatedness. Males have better eyesight than women, and women do have much better hearing than men. The sight is for hunting. The hearing is for children. This is all very generalised information. What I am looking for is still at the very core that most fundamental role. I would like a man to take care of me, the family, to be the provider and the protector. That does not mean that I sit back like a I am looking for the man to lead by being responsible and making clear decisions. Strength does not necesarily come with braun. Strength comes from knowing yourself, as Pete was suggesting, and having the courage to stand firm to your beliefs and values. If I wanted my equal, I would go and have coffee regularly with good girl friends. Much easier, less perplexing and occupies much less head space. I want a man not a friend because I want the differences between us on those most fundamental levels. I love those differences!!! Oh, and sex with the right person is a whole heap of fun, too! ;)

Pit

Monday, March 28th, 2011

I disagree with some of the things Rose said in her comments! Because she said and quote "A man on the other hand, tries to connect with a woman, he has the power to choose the woman" I believe that nobady has the power to pick and choose! He can select to talk to and be attracted to any woman he wants to! However, women are the ones who can decided wheather they want to be with that specific man or not! Nevertheless, What I can say is that a real men has the guts to do whatever he wants, he's always in control of his environment and he is mature enough to understand that whatever women decides to be or not to be with him will not matter because he is outcome independent! He frames himself into think that what ever he can change he will change and whatever, he can't change he'll change his way to think about it! He will be always in control and if any woman decide to follow him is because he will never allow nobady, not even his own family, to change where he is going and what he wants in life! He can always listen and learn, and take in consderation other people, however, he will have the last word to say in any decision he takes for his welfare, and the welfare of his family! Sometimes he will say: "Yeas Dear!" and sometimes he'll say "Its my way or the hiway!" Because he is a Leader! He takes responsibility, seeks responsibility, and accept responsibility for his own actions!

What Is A Real Man?

About David

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24 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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Matt

shan

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Stephen

Carlos Dominguez

Stephen

Pete

Pete

Steven

Farley

Legan

Sara

nick

Chuck

Stuart

TomTom

Matthew

TomTom

Rose

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Matthew

TomTom

Leanne

Pit