You know, I heard it’s Lent right now. No, it’s not the play Rent. It’s Lent.

Being Jewish (oh my God, did I shock anyone with that?), I don’t really know too much about Lent. I am actually not really a religious person. I am a spiritual person who believes in spirits. I have no idea in what I believe, but that is a topic for another day’s blog.

Anyway, I heard it’s Lent right now for all the Christian folk out there. Do you know what the Jewish version is of Lent? It’s called Lend. That is the time when we go to our banker, borrow some money to start a new business or build up a current business, and then we have forty days to pay it back.

I understand that you have to give something up during the forty days of Lent. So I was thinking about what I could give up for Lent.

I was thinking of giving up my life for Lent. No, I’m not going to kill myself. I’m just going to give up my life to someone else. Does anyone want it?

Does anyone want to be me for forty days and forty nights? We can trade lives. I’ll be you and you can be me.

You can be a dating expert and give relationship advice. You can yell at my employees. You can walk my dog. You can drive my car — actually, no, you can’t do that.

There are some limitations. As I said, you can’t drive my car. You also can’t have sex with my girl.

In exchange, I get your life for those forty days and forty nights. Let me tell you something, I would love to get inside some of your heads and totally change your mindset. Give me forty days inside your body and your mind, and your life would be very different when you got it back on Easter.

So for Lent, I may give up my life. Then again, maybe I won’t. I may give up something else.

Maybe I’ll give up sex for forty days and forty nights. If I did, I think my balls would be as big as a rat’s by the end of it. So I think sex is something I won’t give up for Lent.

I would give up drugs, but I don’t do them anymore. I’ll give up alcohol. Yes, that sounds like a great idea . . . except that I don’t drink. What about smoking? No, I don’t smoke either.

I could give up driving. Nah, I live in Los Angeles so if I gave up driving I would be stuck!

How about if I give up speaking to my mother for forty days? I could do that, and in fact I think I have done that during certain parts of my life. Yes, I have been a bad son at times.

How about if I give up reading ESPN online? Football is finished, and I really don’t care about any of the sports that are being played between now and Easter anyway. I couldn’t care less about basketball, and baseball is a yawn-fest of 162 boring games.

Let’s see what else I can give up for Lent. I just don’t know. I’m trying really hard to think of something.

I could give up giving advice for forty days and let you guys write the blog. No, I don’t think so.

How about I give up getting aggravated at all the L.A. drivers, and promise to just smile at all of them and give them love? Not sure I can make it for forty days doing that.

Do any of you have suggestions of anything I can give up for Lent? Maybe I should just become Jewish again and go back to celebrating Lend. Then I can just borrow some money, pay it back in forty days and see what happens.

Well, that’s my version of Lent. What’s your version of Lent?

This blog has sounded like an Andy Rooney segment. So this is Andy saying goodbye and happy Lent.