What are sweet nothings? You know, you always hear that when you’re meeting somebody. People will tell you that you want to whisper “sweet nothings” in her ear.

What does that mean? Do you walk up to her and say “Sweet, sweet, sweet” in her ear? Or, do you whisper, “Nothing, nothing, nothing” in her ear?

I mean, what are they? Who came up with these terms?

I know a lot of these ridiculous romance terms came up in the ’50s. Do you remember blowing in someone’s ear? That was something you learned on Happy Days. I remember watching Happy Days as a kid, and Fonzie would tell Richie how to blow in a woman’s ear.

How many times have you had anybody blow in your ear? Why do you want to blow in somebody’s ear?

It doesn’t really feel good when anybody blows in my ear. Do you ever blow in a someone’s ear? It drives them crazy.

Have you ever had someone blow in your ear? You just want to swat them away, like there’s a mosquito in your ear.

How about hickeys? Do you remember hickeys? You would suck on someone’s neck until you made it purple. That was really romantic. I’m going to give somebody a hickey. Some of these things are just so ridiculous.

So the next time when you have a date, here’s what I want you to do. I want you to walk up to her, blow in her ear, whisper some sweet nothings, and give her a hickey. See how far you get on that date.