Let’s talk about masturbation today.

I’m not going to talk about how to do it.

Because, well, if somebody needs to teach you how to masturbate… then I strongly suggest you go see a therapist.

Though, I’m sure if we Googled it, there would probably be blogs like 10 Steps on How To Masturbate, because it seems like in today’s society, there is either three steps, five steps, seven steps or 10 steps to do everything.

Why? Because it’s great for search engines.

It’s really wonderful because people think there’s a magic pill, so there must only be a certain amount of steps.

The least amount of steps is what most people want to do in life. Most people don’t ever really want to do anything because they think it’s much easier if you can “become rich in three easy steps.”

Well, if there were just three easy steps to get rich, wouldn’t everybody be rich?

Because everybody would do those three easy steps.

Alright, I’m digressing as usual. And I don’t need to digress and show everybody that I’ve got complete ADD while I’m writing this.

I want to talk about masturbating on Instagram.

And, if you’re one of those creepy people who is a super masturbator. That’s what I call them.

The other day, laying in bed, we were having a Tom Brady conversation.

Then, we started looking at Leonardo DiCaprio, and we started seeing the super model chain of who Leo dates and Tom Brady dates and well, just to digress a little bit more, I got to see pictures of people.

And I started thinking to myself.

There are so many men out there who follow Instagram models.

These Instagram models don’t get paid a lot of money. As a matter of fact, most of them are broke, but they have lots of followers.

Actually, let’s just call it exactly what it really is.

It’s not Instagram followers.

It’s Instagram masturbators.

Because, for any woman that’s got 150,000 followers, basically it’s 150,000 men sitting around right next to a bottle of lotion.

Cheap ones go to Costco, and they’re probably getting some hand lotion that dries up (by the way, NEVER use hand lotion, for those of you that don’t know how to masturbate. Hand lotion dries up in your hand, which in turn leaves your dick awfully chaffed.)

You see, your hand needs the moisture. Your penis doesn’t. So what happens is the moisturizer dries up in your hand and leaves you literally sand-papering your dick to an orgasm.

Coconut oil, by the way, is fantastic because it’s natural and it’s great. Eventually if your dick gets used to coconut oil, a woman can go down on you and have a penis colada.

Especially if you drink lots of pineapple juice.

A lot of guys aren’t really well, aware that your sperm can stink if you don’t have a clean diet. So if you are going to lube yourself with coconut oil, make sure you drink lots of pineapple juice so you can have the perfectly warm penis colada for any woman.

There I go, digressing again. Anyway, let’s go back to the Instagram models.

When you have 150,000 followers, you have 150,000 masturbators.

Because that’s basically what men are doing.

If you’re a man, and you’re following a model on Instagram, why don’t you admit it right now? You’re masturbating to her.

It’s easy. It’s simple.

And it’s really creepy. I remember the first time I ever took my penis in my hands and stared at a Playboy centerfold. I stared at it and masturbated and I remember actually coming all over the centerfold and I thought to myself, at the age of 13, there’s something psychologically wrong with this. I just shot my load all over a picture.

And I really never ever did it much again. I just thought that masturbating to a picture of somebody I’m never going to meet is really bordering on, well, a #metoo level of creepy.

Because it really is pretty creepy.

When you are masturbating to a picture of somebody you’re never going to meet, there’s something just weird about that.

So I learned that masturbation was wonderful when I thought about things inside my mind.

So for those of you that follow models and you’re a male, this is a great way for your women to check out.

And here’s another point I’d like to make: why the fuck are you even following someone you’re NEVER going to meet?

Not that I’m an expert on Instagram, but if you’re a confident, high-status man, aren’t you supposed to be a LEADER and not a follower?

Maybe that’s a conversation for another day.

Anyways, as Rupert Holmes once said, have a penis colada on (I don’t even remember that fucking song).

Have a pina colada at Trader Vicks. That’s what you need to do.

So you go out, you masturbate with the coconut oil. You go to Trader Vicks. You get a girl drunk. And then, eventually, you’ll be ready for another orgasm, and she can have a penis colada at Trader Vicks.

Anyway, you get my point.

The point of the matter is…

You need to not be following models, jerking off to them.

There’s something creepy about that.

So just to recap, today’s lessons are:

  1. Stop masturbating to Instagram models.
  2. Start masturbating to your own fantasies in your mind.

Again, what this all comes down to is how you live your life.

There’s no magic sauce to seduction. It’s all mindset and lifestyle.

You guys come and you ask, “How do I talk to women!? Can you give me 20 openers?”

Here’s a radical thought: maybe if you were out there, actually working on your social skills and talking to women — instead of sitting at home, MASTURBATING to Instagram models — well, you wouldn’t be asking me how to talk to women.

Just a thought. Obviously I’m happy to teach you about approaching and give you my best openers (you can grab my top 10 “no-fail” magic openers here). But…

You also need to look at your lifestyle. Look at your mindset.

Stop being creepy.

And if you’re a woman reading this: take a look at your Instagram. Take a look at your Facebook. And take a look at all the people who are following you.

All the guys who are following you.

I bet you half of them are masturbators.

Food for thought.

P.S. If you want to follow someone on Instagram, how about following my guest for today’s podcast (which you can listen to HERE). His name is Ian Balina and he’s a complete beast when it comes to cryptocurrency investing and trading (to put it mildly).

And, unlike some Instagram model who I guarantee is NEVER, EVER going to fuck you, you’ll get actual value out of following Ian.

Again, just a thought. Follow Ian on Instagram and other social media at the handle @diaryofamademan.