A lot of people get into what I call “relationship sex mode,” which is that point in a relationship you reach where you always know the sex is going to be there. How does this manifest itself?


Picture this. You’re sitting on the sofa watching television and hanging out together. You know you can always have sex with that person so you lose what I like to call “the urgent sex.”

It’s so interesting how when you’re first dating someone, there seems to be this urgency to have sex. The two of you can’t sit on the sofa long enough to even finish watching an entire television show. Every time you start a movie, you never get past the first half hour because you just can’t wait to get at each other.

When you’re in a relationship, the problem is that you begin to spend a lot more time on the sofa — time that you really should be spending having sex. What you’ve got to realize is that when it comes down to it, the reason you are in this relationship in the first place is because you two had that incredible urgency and “can’t keep our hands off each other” feeling.

This feeling is something you need to keep in your relationship with your lover. Otherwise, you’re just going to get bored and your sex life will become very routine.

I find that this happens to so many people. A lot of people, for example, will get into a routine of watching television then going to bed and having sex . . . always around the same time. They only have sex at the end of the night when they’ve gone through their “routine.”

So you’ve got to start remembering what it was like to have urgent sex, the kind you had at the beginning of your relationship. You need to incorporate some urgent sex into your routine.

Every night need not be exactly the same. You need to mix it up a bit.

One night maybe you watch a movie. Then another night have urgent sex. Another night, watch some television. Another night have a long conversation about your lives and then make love after connecting.

It doesn’t matter what you decide to do and when. The key is to avoid that routine. The key is to avoid the routine of flipping on the television every night, because the television is the worst thing in the world for your sex life.

When you’re just laying on the sofa watching television, you’re not connecting with each other. You may be sitting next to each other, but you’re not connecting with each other.

So you need to take a good look at your sex life and see what’s happening with it. Are you already in a routine? Are you having sex at the same time every night after watching television?

You need to mix it up a little bit. Every week needs to be different.

Also, one or two nights a week you need to just turn the television off altogether. You need to get into a really deep, connecting session with your lover where you learn more about how to touch each other in different ways.

Otherwise, you are going to be doing it the same way every single time. When that happens, after a while you will both inevitably get bored.

So remember that incredible sexual urgency that you had in the beginning. That is what made the two of you come together in the first place. You came together because you were hungry for each other.

Don’t lose that hunger for each other. Keep that hunger going. Make sure you take that sexual urgency back with you partner, because that’s what’s usually missing in a relationship.
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