I hear comments like this from women almost every day: “David, I saw this guy today and he was so cute.  He smiled at me, and I would have loved to have smiled back at him or said hello, but I was all sweaty because I’d just left the gym.” Statements like this are so frustrating to me, because I hate seeing women missing so many potential connections day after day.

So it’s time for all the women out there to stop making excuses for themselves.  Here are 4 reasons to stop doing this immediately:

  1. Your “Reasons” Are Just Excuses: Go back and read the first sentence of this article.  You need to realize that every part of that statement following the “but” is nothing more than an excuse.  In fact, if you put a blank after the “but” in that sentence then I could fill it in with at least one hundred different excuses just like the “but I was all sweaty” one above.  I’ve heard them all, but here are some of the classic ones:
  • My hair was up in a ponytail.
  • I didn’t feel sexy that day.
  • I was having a fat day.
  • I was wearing an unflattering outfit.
  • I wasn’t wearing any makeup.
  • I had coffee breath.
  • I was chewing and had food in my mouth.
  • I was on my cell phone.
  • The list of excuses could go on and on and on . . .

When I list them this way, do you see how silly they sound?  The bottom line is that you need to stop classifying these things in your mind as legitimate “reasons” and start to accept them for what they really are: just excuses.

  1. Men Don’t Notice The Things You Think They Do: Here is a concept that you must understand, though, and it’s something I’ve been telling women for years: If a man looks at you, then he is attracted to you as you are at that very moment.  He doesn’t care (and likely doesn’t know) that you are sweaty, are not wearing makeup, are wearing an old t-shirt that is twelve sizes too big for you, or about anything else.
  1. If They Are Looking, Then They Like You: If a man looks at you when you’re not at your best (or even when you’re at your worst), then he is attracted to you right then and just as you are at that moment.  Although he may be imagining (and fantasizing about) what you will look like at your best, he doesn’t really care because all he is thinking about is how he is attracted to you right now.

Think about it.  Isn’t this what you really want?  Don’t you want a guy who checks you out on a Friday night in Blockbuster when you are dressed in your old sweats, have your hair pulled back in a ponytail and are not wearing any makeup?  It’s what you always claim you want.  It’s what women always tell me they want.  You don’t want to have to be made up and perfectly coiffed every minute of your life.  You don’t want to have to be dolled up when you’re in the comfort of your own home.  You want a guy who is attracted to the real core of who you are as a person.

  1. Your Excuses Cause You To Miss Opportunities: So the next time a guy looks at you and you’re not feeling like you’re at your best, you need to remember that he doesn’t know that.  The only thing he’s thinking is “Man, I think she’s hot!”  Go and talk to him right now, because there may not be another opportunity with that guy.  Why would you waste the opportunity to find out what this guy is all about . . . especially when you already know he is attracted to you?   Life is about taking advantage of opportunities every single day.  Stop making excuses, because all the “reasons” you have for not interacting with men are just your excuses.

When you think of it that way, why would you ever make another excuse for why you don’t smile or talk to a guy who is looking at you?  You should never let the fact that you are not feeling your best be an excuse for not responding to a guy who is looking at you, because the fact is that they are nothing more than excuses.

So the next time you see a potential Mr. Right (or Mr. Right Now) staring at you from across the room when you’re still wearing sweatpants from your trip to the gym, smile and talk to him because he couldn’t care less what you’re wearing!  He’s attracted to you and, in fact, will likely be talking about you for the rest of the day telling his friends “Man, I saw this girl tonight in Whole Foods.  She had on  these sweatpants and she looked so cute!”

Stop judging yourself so much, and start accepting that when a man looks at you he finds you attractive exactly as you are at that moment.  Stop over analyzing and start feeling beautiful because the guy checked you out.