unhappy relationshipsI got an e-mail from Nancy and it made me feel, not only pity for Nancy, but I felt bad for every woman who has ever felt like Nancy. I wrote her an e-mail. It was the same one you got last week. A typical Thursday e-mail, with some good advice. Nancy responded to the e-mail with this:

“I recently broke up with my boyfriend. It took me a while to build up the courage. We’ve been dating for five years and when we first started I thought he was ‘the one’.

He had an ok job, I got along with his friends and I didn’t hate his mom. However, just like you said, when I started looking back over our relationship I realized he was just there. He was a physically present. He kept my bed warm. He gave me someone to call boyfriend. We weren’t miserable, but I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t in love.

Lately, there hasn’t been anyone to replace him. I’ve been thinking about whether I should get back with him for the sake of not being alone. Maybe we could work on falling in love like they did back in the day. Reading your email made me think twice. I appreciate your brutal honesty. It kept me from going back into a bad relationship and it stopped me from hurting my ex.”

The e-mail isn’t about not needing a man. The e-mail is about finding the right man. What Nancy wrote really hit home: not being alone forever. Why would anybody feel they were going to be alone forever?

Mindset is everything in life. Believing that you can find love is so important. Feeling like you’ll be alone forever, forcing yourself to settle down with a man, no matter what age, is a terrible idea. It creates a tense home environment where you have to walk around on eggshells. You talk to each other less and keep the TV running to drown out the silence.

Nightly fights and going to bed mad at one another is a signature Hallmark of forced relationships. When you’re talking to your girlfriends about your relationship more than you talk to your partner, when going to a job you despise is the highlight of your day because at least you’re not at home, you’re in a forced relationship.

It’s clear to your family and friends this isn’t working; yet so many of you continue to stay in these dead relationships. Why?

Aren’t you depressed?

Don’t you deserve better?

You’re not going to be alone forever. You’ve always got yourself, and that’s where it starts. People who love themselves would never settle for average relationships. There’s no reason for it. We’ve been given a gift called life. This amazing gift is a ride that we need to take. Sometimes on that journey we need to be alone in the car, we need to be sitting by ourselves.

We need to sing loudly with the radio. We need to drive without a back seat driver telling us what to do. We need to get lost and explore what the world has to offer. These are the benefits of being single. You’re in control. Sometimes it’s nice to share the car with someone. This way there’s someone to give you directions when you’re not sure where you’re going. Someone to drive when you’re too tired. These are the benefits of being in a good relationship.

Note I said good relationship. What’s that car like when you realize you don’t like the passenger?

You feel trapped. Maybe you’re afraid to continue the journey alone. But every second with someone you’re not into is torturous. Pull over and have them step out. The journey, though perhaps more difficult, will be twice as rewarding. When you do meet someone you’re willing to share your space with, someone who can help you along your journey, someone who has the same goals as you, you’ll be in a committed relationship.

You’ll have done so much for yourself. You’ll know exactly what you’re looking for. He’ll be impressed at what you were able to accomplish on your own and he’ll want to join you. It’s time to change the mindset. It’s time to realize that there are plenty of great men out there. You can make a connection. You can be happy.

You don’t need to have this energy around you. I know Nancy’s not alone in feeling this way. I know a lot of you have felt just like she did at one point or another. Tempted to go back to something comfortable instead of looking for Mr. Right.  Feeling like you’ll be alone forever. Think about that today…

Think about Nancy…

Think about your life…

Think about all the amazing opportunities that are available and start living it.