Do you have any idea what it means if you send a text right at 7:00 PM?

It looks like you’ve been staring at the phone all day long wondering whether or not you’re going to text her. At 6:55 she’s probably just walked in the door. Maybe she’s working late. 7:00 tells her you’ve stood there all day long, neurotic, compulsive, and uncomfortable waiting for the “right time” to text her.

Waiting a few minutes doesn’t solve your problem either. It looks like you’ve been staring at the phone all day long and decided to send a text at 7:02 just to seem a little on the cool side. Sending texts shouldn’t be random. 7:14 is one of my favorite times to text.  I like 7:14, because it says, “I got home, got comfortable, and I had a thought about you.”

Sending a text at 5:00, 5:01, makes you a 9:00 to 5:00 texter. You are the guy that stares at his phone all day long and texts her right as she gets off work. What about a text at like 10:33 at night, what does that one mean? Well, I think there’s like a 10:00 text off. I believe that you should not text after 10:00. When you text after 10:00, you come off as needy. It seems like there is nothing else going on in your life.

Texts should only be on the two’s and the four’s, and never on the three’s or the one’s. I like an 8:14 text. Seems like you had dinner, your chilling out, sitting down to watch a movie, and you text right at 8:14. In the middle of the afternoon is another great time to text. Think about sending her a text around 11:14 or 2:14. If you text at 12:14 or 1:14, it looks like you were texting during lunch, and didn’t have anyone to talk to.

If you text at 11:14 or 2:14, it looks like you have a life. Maybe you did your morning meeting. You were able to hang out a little bit, get some work done. So you did an 11:14 text. How about early in the morning text?

Well, she’s going to get up around 7:30. The 8:14 text doesn’t really work out well, because it looks like you’ve obsessed about her for 44 minutes in the morning. I kind of like the 8:44 text. Once again, keeping it on the four, because if you do 8:44, it happens to be a really good text. It’s a great time to text.

Does it really f*cking matter what time you text her?

Does it make any difference at all?

No, it really doesn’t.

You text her because you feel like popping in and saying “Hey.”

Anyway, hopefully this didn’t f*ck with your heads too much. Let’s talk a little bit more about texting. How many times do you stare at that phone when you get the text at the right time. Remember the right time? Forget it. You’re staring at the text and you can’t tell If the message was delivered or not.

You start getting upset. You look at it and wonder how come it didn’t say delivered?

So you push your thumb down, you hit the copy button, and you think to yourself, “there must be something wrong with my iPhone.”

You push paste and hit send, and the message doesn’t get delivered either.  You think to yourself, what’s going on?

You can drive yourself nuts. How about when you’re waiting for a text back from her, and you see the little bubble?

Yes, she’s texting something back!

Then she stops. She’s no longer writing. The bubble disappears. Hours go by. You think to yourself, “What the f*ck happened?  Is she having sex with somebody else?”

“Does she not like me anymore?”

I was getting the bubble treatment. When you least expect it, you hear a ding. And then you run to your phone, and it’s your sister. The next morning comes, and still, no bubble from her. You think to yourself – “What the hell is going on?” 

I got the bubble. The bubble! I got the bubble two minutes after my text. Did she forget?

Sure enough, 24 hours later, you get a text from her.  She tells you she was busy. You think to yourself, “Bullshit.  You weren’t busy.  I got the goddamn f*cking bubble five minutes after.

I saw the f*cking bubble going!  You were writing me! Did you need to think about it and decide I wasn’t worth it?”

Texting is the new way to make us neurotic.

Usually we stare at our phone and go, “Come on, ding. Come on, ding. Come on, ding.”

How about you, do you send a cute picture text and it doesn’t deliver.

You send it again, and she texts you, “Jesus, why did you send me four pictures?”

The f*cking thing said it never delivered!

Texting can drive us nuts.