Interested woman and bored man in cinemaHow many times have you had the circular conversation with your women friends?

Analyzing everything you said on the few dates that you had with dream man number 25.

You think to yourself, what did you say? What did you do? What made him lose interest?

You’re dying to find the answer, so you spend days speculating, texting, having coffee with the girls trying to figure out why dream man 25 lost interest.

You start blaming something you did, because you need to have an answer, you need to have a solution. You need to know…

You need to know exactly why that man lost interest, because it’s driving you nuts, because everything seemed great.

You went out on a few dates. You were laughing, you were connecting. The kisses felt magical. You even maybe slept with him. Or maybe you stayed at his house and it felt comfortable.

You don’t understand and you want to understand because it’s driving you crazy, and the problem is it’s always driven you crazy. So what happens is you’re just literally building a house of crazy.

You’re putting one speculative block on another block. Picture that. Picture you as a builder.

You’ve got dream man number one, dream man number two.

Dream man number three, dream man number four.

Dream man number five, dream man number six.

Each man leading up to dream man #25 is a block and you’re putting each block on top of the others. And what happens is you’re compounding things instead of just realizing why he dropped interest. Well, I’m going to tell you why.

First off, you: the spectacular, amazing woman that you are that’s reading this article. I want to commend you for coming to the right place for advice, because nobody really understands men better than a man, myself.

Secondly, it’s not your fault and you need to realize that right now. It is not your fault that he disappeared. That he vanished. That you now hear crickets. That the texts are no longer coming through. It is not your fault at all.

As a matter of fact, there is nothing that you could’ve done different. So I want you to understand that right now before I give you the reason. Because when you understand that, you’re going to start to realize that dating is full of men who vanish and disappear. And if you start to have the mindset and you start to realize that it’s not your fault, you’re not going to waste endless amounts of time speculating and trying to get an answer that’s never going to be there.

Thirdly, you’re never going to beat yourself up any more. So, you’re going to be able to really date and realize that we’re just doing this game of dating to go find the one person that doesn’t disappear. Because ,in reality, most people vanish and disappear.

So what is it? What is it that turned them off?

It could’ve been something really basic and simple.

I was dating somebody once and went out four or five times and every time we went out she would drink two to three glasses of wine.

I don’t drink wine. As a matter of fact, I have no interest in alcohol. And she knew that, and yet she continued to pound the booze every time we hung out. That turned me off. I disconnected from her, no matter how good our chemistry was.

I did not envision a life of cocktails, and that is her life and her lifestyle, and it is important to her. So, I tried, I kept going out with her to see whether or not she would curb her alcohol consumption, and she didn’t. I’m not telling somebody to curb their alcohol consumption, I am not telling anybody how to live their life. I just want to align with a like-minded person, so I vanished.

There are other times that I have been with somebody and you get to know some of their habits, and what they are all of about and how they live, and you just kind of see something. You see, even though you’ve got the spark in the chemistry, you see that they have a different type of lifestyle choice or they’ve got different viewpoints on certain things, so a man vanishes.

Unfortunately, nobody has the balls anymore in today’s day and age to really tell somebody, hey, you are a big alcoholic. Just kidding. You’re a wine drinker, I understand that’s a part of your life, but it’s not part of mine. I try to live a very clean life, and I don’t think we are going to be aligned, even though I do like you and I think you’re amazing.

We want to tell each other the truth, but here is the thing: he saw something about your character that did not match with his character.

He saw something about your lifestyle that did not match with his lifestyle.

So he moved on. You are never going to get the explanation. You can speculate all you want, but in reality, there is nothing wrong with you. It’s nothing you could have done differently. So you continue to be the amazing, beautiful, great woman that you are.

Be this woman. Continue to be this woman. Keep doing it because you are going to attract somebody whose lifestyle and values and viewpoints match yours. Until then, men are going to ghost, men are going to disappear and men are going to vanish, just like you disappear and vanish on men.

It works both ways, except that we don’t sit and speculate. We know you probably didn’t like us, even though we’re wonderful and great, and there is probably something about us you didn’t really want and like. It’s that simple.