I was sitting with my daughter on Saturday, at Hop Daddy Burgers.

It’s one of her favorites places. I eat there because it’s one of her favorite places. It’s not really one of mine.

But as I was sitting there realizing that whatever day we were going to have, wasn’t going to happen, and I spend it battling the mind of a six year old. I glanced the TV screen.

I thought to myself: What a perfect time for an adult time out? Cause I really needed it.

You see, parents give kids time outs, not because the kid needed time out, but because the parent is about to lose their shit.

It’s funny when parents put their kid in the cornet and go, you’re in time out.

I think to myself, fucking kid doesn’t want time out. You do. You should be in the corner, having time out. Because the kid is driving you nuts.

So in reality, you should look at a kid and go excuse me, but I need time out.

As I was glancing at the Falcon/Seahawk game, and I was looking at my kid’s face drawing pictures of how she didn’t want to be with me that day.

I looked at myself, as best as I could, and looked at the TV and thought to myself, You know what? I’d much rather be watching the playoffs today.

To be honest with you, I don’t have the bandwidth to battle with a six year old all day long today.

And I’m never like that.

I literally missed the entire football season this season, because I chose to spend my Sundays with my daughter, 100% present. Not watching any games at all.

And I only had her every other weekend, but the weekends I didn’t have her I really didn’t catch the games. Because I was so not in the season because I was so in the season of being her dad.

I sat there with a playoff game in the background and her sourpuss look on her face.

And I thought to myself, I need a fucking time out.

I’m not going to put her in the corner. I’m going to go put myself on my sofa in my living room. I’m going to put the TV on, and I’m going to call a god damn time out, and I’m going to watch the game.

Why? Because I needed it. You see, I can’t possibly be a great dad, especially when times are not easy for being a dad if I don’t have my wits about me.

No one ever told me that when you are a parent, you have to lose all emotions, and just allow your kids to spit all over you as much as possible.

I never read that anywhere and no ever said that to me.

My friends told me that kids can be a little bit of a shit once in a while.

But I didn’t realize how it effects you until your kids shits all over you.

So, on this Saturday, with the Falcons and the Seahawks on and the Patriots and Texans, I thought to myself.

Daddy, speaking in the third person, which really drives me nuts. Hello all you parents that call yourselves mommy needs to go to the bathroom right now. Mommy needs to eat.

Mommy’s going home to clean.

I can understand that when the kid is young under 4 but when a kid is past that they do know who there mommy and daddy are.

Well, I don’t do third person because I thinks it’s kind of weird when people talk third person. So I thought to myself, I, as in I, need to go home, sit on my sofa, and watch Matt Ryan beat the Seattle Seahawks.

Then I need to watch Tom Brady beat the Houston Texans.

I could have looked her and said Daddy needs a time out. But I’m not Mr. Third person. It really reminds me of a Seinfeld episode.

God, it drives me nuts when people do that. It’s kind of creepy. This is your own child.

They’re six. They’re eight. And Mommies look at them and go Mommy needs to go home and change. And I’m thinking to myself, your kid’s eight. I think they know that you’re the mommy by now. I think they know what I means.

So when I started losing my marbles, sitting there at Hop Daddy Burger, I thought to myself Daddy, not speaking in the third person, I need a time out. And I hustled my little child back to her mom’s.

She was content and happy, because she’s going through a phase right now of not wanting to be with Daddy. That’s me in the first person.

I, David, not speaking in the third person, don’t want to really be with her right now, either, because I, David, once again speaking not in the third person, have no bandwidth for her, because I decided that I needed a fucking time out.

Why did I need a fucking time out? Because I did.

Because if I didn’t take a time out, I would have lost my mind. My marbles.

This was my first time out I’ve had,  I think. In sports we get three time outs per quarter. No, actually per half. So I’ve got two more time outs June 30th.

Because I just used my first time out today and this was the first half of 2017.

So now, between January and June, I’ve only got two timeouts left. Now, there could be some official review. That would be absolutely fantastic. Can you imagine that, all of a sudden my daughter and I having a conversation, she looks at me and says I don’t want to be with you today, and all of a sudden I go let’s go to the videotape.

And then the guy, the man with the zebra suit comes on and he goes no, unnecessary roughness number 21, the six-year-old over there, you go and you get a timeout, 15 yards for unnecessary roughness, being a mean daughter to your daddy.

Or how about if I just get really annoyed at her one day long, and I just lose my shit, and then all of a sudden I’m offsides, right, it’s a five yard penalty. But I go and I call, not a timeout, I go coach’s review so I see if I can get an extra timeout. Anyway, you know what I’m saying.

Sometimes in life, you need a timeout. I’ve taken one. I’ve got two more to go for the first half of 2017. I really, really, really hope that I do not need extra timeouts, because you only get three.

Anyway, share your parenting stories down below. How often do you need a timeout?

And I don’t feel guilty about it, because I missed an entire football season. As a matter of fact, on Facebook one day, I posted a thing saying I’m not into football this year. And a good friend of mine for 30 years says, that just made me so unhappy.

But you know what, I was really enjoying being my daughter’s daddy. But now she’s going through a time and a phase in her life where she just doesn’t want to be around me at all for no apparent reason. Oh, god, if I could only write about that.

But I’m going to give you all a timeout right now because this article is over.