I always thought Viagra, Cyalis, and all the other boner pills should really have a new ad campaign.

Called boner insurance. I mean, Geico would be the best with it.

There would be this gecko.

He was gray in the hair.

He picked up this hot young gecko at a bar.

She was all over him. He had a moment when he got home that he looked through his medicine chest and sure enough:

He was out of his little blue pill.

He got into bed and he thought, you know what, I’m just going to do it the old fashion moment. He started getting into his head, wondering whether or not his little man would be able to rise to the occasion so he could have hot gecko sex with this hot, beautiful gecko he met at the bar.

Sure enough, he got a little movement and his little man crawled back in. At that moment, you hear the voiceover that says:

Save 15%, and never get caught without boner insurance again.

Sometimes, man, we just need boner insurance as we get old.

Which leads us to point number one:

1. It’s not about ego, it’s about being able to perform. As we get older as men, we tend to lose that oomph, that velocity. We tend to get boners when we’re by ourselves in the middle of the night, but sometimes when we’re with a woman the boner just doesn’t want to rise to the occasion.

I remember in my teenage boner years and my 20s boner years, that thing was like an iron. Or, to put it mildly for all you vibrator-obsessed woman, it was as hard as the best glass dildo you can ever find.

But as men age, the penis also ages. It’s no longer a 16-year old young stud, or a 23 year old boner around town.

The boner is now is now in its 50s, and the boner just has moments when it just can’t function.

So it’s okay, from time to time, to take boner insurance. I don’t use Viagra. I’ve used it a bunch of times and I’ve got to tell you: there is nothing better than having a 16-year old hard-on again with the sex skills of a 54-year old man. It’s absolutely mind boggling and so much fun.

But when I’m with the right woman, I never really have an issue with getting an erection. Sure, maybe sometimes it’s half mast, and other times it might go hard, and then it might actually go wimpy and soft, but that’s the time to dive down and eat her out, or just take a break. Your penis needs a siesta, so what. Spend a couple hours down town. It’s no different than literally taking a break in the middle of the day at work. All of a sudden the work day is going great, and then all of a sudden the boner disappears, and then all of a sudden it’s time to take a siesta.

I’ve had herbal supplements that work, which I really like. Sometimes you just need a little extra help, which leads us to number two:

Attention all women: if you’re with a man over the age of 50 years old, and he’s constantly hard, and he gets hard an hour after having sex with you, there’s a 99.9% chance that he is on a boner pill, and he’s too embarrassed to admit it to you. So he’s constantly popping this pill in order to please you, which is turning into a boner addiction for him.

This is where your feminine energy needs to come in. You need to ask him if he’s ever taken Viagra. You need to say to him: It doesn’t matter if he has or not, you just want to know because sometimes his boner is so strong. You could say that to him, your boner is so strong it kind of kind of hurts. He’ll get a laugh at it, and he’ll admit at that moment that he’s been using Geico’s boner insurance.

Or maybe he’s subscribed to State Boner, or Allboner.

But anyway, he’ll never admit it to you when he’s forming a dependency on it. And once you form a dependency on boner insurance, you don’t want to leave home without it, but in reality once he’s comfortable with you, his boners will probably come back in full force. Maybe not like a 16-year old champion, but certainly like seasoned 45 or 50-year old champion.

Sometimes you just need boner insurance, but I have found that the best way to really communicate is to communicate. Otherwise, I myself might need boner insurance as well. But when I communicate and I get along with someone in that deep way, I don’t need any insurance at all.