I was watching this show called Billions the other night on Showtime.

There was a great scene when Paul Giomatti’s character went into this bar and had a great conversation, a real connection, with a friend of his.

He made fun of his friend about all the women that he’s been dating. He asked if they were of age.

The friend laughed and said, “Of course they are. They all send me pictures. They’re all sexually free, and it’s great to enjoy nights with them.”

They started talking about this and Paul Giamatti’s character said, “I just don’t think I can do it.”

The friend looked at him, both men in their 40s, and said honestly, “Just to have one night with somebody who really understands me, says it’s great. These women are so sexually free, but after a while, it gets so boring. I just want a night with somebody that really understands me, that really listens.”

This got me thinking.

We All Just Want to Feel Loved and Heard

feel lovedThe single life is really not what it’s cracked up to be. But, for some reason, we all stay in it for so long.

You go out on a date with somebody and you connect, but really you’re just telling the same stories over and over again. You’re giving a version of yourself that you’ve learned resonates with the opposite sex.

The person is looking at you, listening, trying to connect to you, but you’re really not feeling one another. That comes in time, and that only comes when you’ve got the magic and power of a partnership.

When you’re dating, you’ve got to go and talk and be entertaining, and be 100% positive. It’s funny, when you’re on a dating site corresponding with somebody, it’s always about how you’ve both had a fabulous week.

How you hope they have an amazing Monday.

Whenever you’re texting somebody for the very, very first time, it’s almost like you’re just sending them nonstop positive affirmation texts.

It’s not real, that everybody’s having the most amazing Monday, or everybody’s weekend was so f@#*ing fantastic.

And that’s where the magic of partnership comes in. I’ve been single for three years now. I’ve had many a first dates.

I’ve given them the version of me, a real version, I’ve gone through the old stories. But after three years, as much fun as it might seem on the surface, I would love to have a night and just be heard, to feel safe, comfortable, and loved, because that’s really what it comes down to. You just want to feel loved.

When you’re single and you’re a parent, you get that from your kids, but in a totally different way. You get this feeling of being loved and being adored and admired. You get fulfilled in so many ways.

Don’t get me wrong, it is the greatest feeling I’ve ever experienced as a dad. But as great an experience it is being a dad and having that beautiful connection with a child, I really want that with a partner.

I know now in my life, when it comes down to going out on a date or spending a couple of hours at home just talking to friends or seeing friends, I’d choose friends.

Whenever I go to New York, there are women that I can go out with, women that are cool and fun. But when I get there I just start hanging with my friend, John, and I get so fulfilled because he knows me. I feel comfortable, I feel heard, I feel that connection, so I don’t bother going out on dates with women.

I don’t need sex as a connection. Sex is wonderful and great to have and it’s fantastic to be with somebody you’re really turned on by, but there are times in your life when you just really want to connect and that’s why friends are so great. Especially when you’re not in a relationship.

It Really Comes Down to Partnership

Man, the beauty of just coming home, being heard, not being evaluated, feeling the love from somebody who knows you, who understands you, who wants to grow with you, who wants to see the best in you. That’s the magic of partnership.

That’s why we’re all on these apps. Not to have fun. Because it’s really not that fun after a while. Sure you can have ridiculously crazy sex. But that doesn’t leave you feeling anything. It doesn’t leave you feeling heard, it doesn’t leave you feeling admired. It doesn’t leave you feeling connected to somebody. It’s just sex.

Lately I’m thinking – just like that character was on the show – I just want to be heard.

I just want somebody that loves me for who I am. Who sees me for who I am. Who understands me for who I am. I’m kind of getting tired of performing, tired of being on. I don’t want to be on any more. I just want to be seen. Anybody get where I’m at? How do you all feel?