One topic that people seem to ask me to talk about over and over again is the issue of “the friend zone.” People always want to know how to avoid getting into the friend zone (especially when they are out on a date).

Just asking the question means that you need to take a good look at your mindset. Think about the question: “How do I avoid the friend zone when I am out on a date?” Take a moment and think about this…

Go ahead, I’ll wait.

You’re out on a date with a woman. She is not looking at you as a friend if she accepted the date from you in the first place.

The fact that you have this concern, however, shows that you are going into your dates with the energy of being a friend. This means that you are playing it safe.

It means that you are really not expressing your desires, feelings and emotions. You are basically in your head during the entire date, just being a “good guy” and probably agreeing with everything she says.

By playing it safe, though, you get exactly what you fear the most. You get put in the friend zone.

Guys ask me all the time how they can “escalate” with a woman. I can’t stand pickup terminology like that. Escalate? Are you an escalator? Are you going up an escalator? Are you a plane taking off from LAX escalating into the sky? But I digress . . .

Regardless of the terminology, when you’re out on a date it’s all about your mindset and how you interact with the woman. It’s all about your eye contact, your smile, and touching her hand across the table as she’s telling a story.

It’s about letting yourself go and just being yourself so she’s able to become attracted to you. It’s so hard for people to just let go.

If you do nothing on a date except think and think and think, then guess what? You will never create any type of sexual attraction, because women will see that you are in your own head. When you’re totally in your own head, you can’t get into her heart.

So, how do you do this? How do you stay out of your own head, tap into your emotions and just let go?

You must stay present. You listen to her stories. You smile. You hold her hand if you feel like holding her hand.

There is no right or wrong time to hold somebody’s hand. You do it when you feel it.

Here is a great exercise to do to learn how to tap into your emotions. Get a friend and tell them how you feel about them. Describe what it feels like to be friends with them, and what it’s like from your perspective.

Then imagine what it feels like to be friends with yourself… Describe what it feels like to really reach deep inside yourself and see who YOU really are. Doing this enables you to see what your prospective date sees, from a fresh perspective. Look, she’s going on this date for the same reasons you are – to find out more about you, to enjoy herself, and maybe establish a connection. If you take the time to think about what qualities you display to your friends that make you a good friend, you’ll be more aware of them and she’ll instantly pick up on them. This will allow you to get out of your head!

When I was single and went on dates, I was never in my own head. I used to just relax, enjoy myself and never thought about whether the woman was turned on by me. I only wondered whether I was turned on by her. If I felt like kissing her at the end of the date, I did so because we had connected as people.

You all know what it’s like to connect with people. You connect with friends, family, and co-workers.

It is no different to connect with someone of the opposite sex. It takes being present. It takes enjoying yourself in the moment. It takes letting go.

If you do all of those things, you won’t be in the friend zone. You’ll be in the lover zone.