As the sun sets and the lights come on, the fans are gathering in the
stands. The smell of hot dogs and popcorn are in the air. Beer, oh
there’s beer everywhere. It’s time for a night game. That’s what
baseball used to be all about.

But now – according to the world of pickup people all over this world
– a night game is something entirely different.

As the lights dim, the crowd smells like a bad bar—people protruding
vomit from both ends. A woman stumbles her way in, and four guys
quickly look, and think to themselves: “Aah! Night game! Perfect
target: A woman drunk, stumbling. I’ll be able to use some of my Bob
Seger ‘Night Moves’ on her.”

Night moves are even different than day game. Night game is for the
real pro: The guy that really knows how to pick up a really drunk
woman; the guy that really knows how to make a really drunk woman feel
good; the guy who knows how to approach in the wee hours of the
morning. It’s called night game.

Pickup women at wrigley

It’s so funny—the terminology that guys use for meeting women. There’s
day game, which of course is easy to figure out. It’s getting women
during the day. But how come no one’s ever come up with the term
day-night doubleheader? You know, in baseball, you play one game in
the afternoon, one game at night—it becomes a day-night doubleheader.
So what about the guy that goes out late in the afternoon and then
tries to meet women at night? Is it a day-game night-game
doubleheader? Wouldn’t that be considered a day-night double header?

What about the guy that only preys on drunken women that reek of
vomit? Would he be an opportunist? Would he be just a drunk prowler?
Drunk prowler: There’s a new terminology. There’s so much terminology
out there—it’s hilarious.

Can you imagine if women talked like this? Can you imagine if they
decided to go out and say “Hey Mary, this is Amy. Let’s go out and
have some night game tonight. Let’s go out and find some men tonight,
maybe a three set, maybe a four set. Maybe we’ll get a couple of
drunken guys, and we’ll go home, and we’ll get an instant drunken date
with them.” Can you imagine if women spoke that way? Can you imagine
if women actually said “Hey man, this is Amy again, let’s go out and
meet some guys during the day. Want to practice our day game moves
right now?” It’s hilarious. And men have to use terminology.

But with women, it’s all about serendipitous moments—real moments that
can happen either during the daytime or the nighttime. Night game and
day game are one.

Come on guys. Let’s talk as men. You know I’ve written about the
ratings scale—she’s a seven, she’s an eight, she’s a nine. You know
how much I hate that. Either it’s a one or a two. One you like her, or
two you don’t. There you go. Another friend of mine says it’s either
yes or no. Yes you’re attractive, or no you’re not.

Can you imagine if women actually graded men? “Mary, why are you going
out with him? He’s only like a 7.2! He really needs to lose a little
bit of weight so he can fit into his bathing suit better.” Guys are so
messed up.