Resist Nothing, Yield Everything

I just had lunch. It’s funny, I finally learned how to order in Hawaii.

I don’t really like fancy food, lots of breading and all of that funky stuff. I like just plain vegetables and chicken. So I actually ordered the kids menu two days in a row. Some sweet potato and steamed carrots. $13. Got to love it. I love eating off the kids menu in a fancy restaurant in an expensive hotel.

As I’m sitting here alone, I was thinking. Resist nothing. What does that mean to you. Resist nothing. Think about your day-to-day life, think about all the things you do to make your life perfect, or your life bearable or your life livable.

Drinks Every day we fill our lives with so many different things. We fill our lives with gym classes.

We fill out lives with drinks with friends.

We take cooking classes.

We read books.

We watch TV, movies, whatever is popular at the moment. We fill our lives up with things.

But are we doing these things just because we are resisting how we really feel? Are we resisting really opening up?

For a second now, I want you to really think about how you really want your life. Imagine what it would feel like to really be in love.

What it would feel like to come home to your man every single day.

What is this man like. What does he feel like. Who is he. What is he all about.

Now the question is, what are you doing on a daily basis to meet him?

How much of your life are you filling up with other things because you’re really resisting the feeling you have, the feeling of being lonely, the feeling of wanting to connect.

There’s something about the way we’re wired as humans. We tend to resist things and fill our lives up with so many other things because we don’t really want to feel, even though we crave the feeling. We want to feel love and be loved and have spectacular sex and great connections. Yet so much of our day is spent filling it up with other things, so we don’t have to feel.

Because if you really broke it down, how many of the things you do on a daily basis are you doing just to resist feeling?

You’re single. It hurts sometimes. Sometimes it’s really lonely. Sleeping alone every single night, having nobody to reach behind and spoon you and tell you — whisper in your ear and say ‘everything is going to be okay’.

As humans, we’re built to be in love, to be together, to co-habitat. The problem is, when we’re not co-habitating and we’re not in love we fill the lonely space with busy work. Sometimes you have to allow yourself to have the lonely feelings. To remind you of your true desire to connect.

About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

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Gaby

Wednesday, October 22nd, 2014

Damn, this one hit home really hard. As a single woman I have also rejected gallantry, as I'm very used to doing things by myself.

Maya

You are so right David. I really resonated with this article. We DO fill up our lives with busywork but never allow ourselves to truly feel our loneliness. But there are two things-- 1) We don't have to fill up our lives with garbage or meaningless busy work to avoid facing our loneliness. We can learn new things, pursue our hobbies, nurture our talents and grow in a very constructive way and basically create a relationship with ourselves. We can do that in a relationship as well but any relationship brings compromises and cannot give us this kind of freedom. Sometimes we lose ourselves in our relationships and sometimes these relationships hurt us, take away from us. Thus, the moments when we are alone or single gives us an opportunity to fall in love with ourselves. And THAT is something that actually brings us GOOD relationships eventually. So we are meant to in love and coupled but sometimes we are meant to be alone too. Only one type of state isn't enough. 2) This loneliness that we feel when we cease to fill up our lives with this-and-that actually never completely goes away--EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP. A relationship is ALSO simply one of those things we fill our lives with--which covers up a basic fact of life that we are in it alone. That doesn't mean relationships are worthless or that they cannot fulfill but they WILL NOT always fulfill. There will be those nights when you want your partner to spoon you and he is out enjoying himself with his friends in a bar, possibly hitting on other women. He may not be cheating or anything and may return home to you at night but may not whisper that everything is going to be ok. He might even say something hurtful or be so disconnected with you as if he is from another planet. That said, there is love everywhere, always--in and beyond any relationship-especially romantic and we have to find it for ourselves and by ourselves. Of course craving companionship is natural but we have to first understand and accept our loneliness, own relationship with ourselves and our connectedness to all of life--only THEN this craving will go.

When I feel lonely, I allow myself to feel my desire to connect, feel it strongly and then I'm instantly reminded of how much I would have to put up with if I were in a relationship--and the fact that I will be lonely and/or alone, anyway, many times during that relationship and immediately I realize that every moment is perfect exactly the way it is no matter your situation. And then there is no loneliness, only being alone--which is great! Sorry but this kind of stuff can put relationship coaches out of business because then no one will come to them! lol (just kidding).

Isa

Thursday, October 30th, 2014

I just spend an hour feeling shame, what a wonderful feeling, then I made peace with it, it is about survival sometimes. Love you articles,

Resist Nothing, Yield Everything

About David

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Gaby

Maya

Maya

Isa