Relationships That Make You Prove Your Love

Men's Advice Relationship Advice, Uncategorized

By David Wygant July 28, 2011 1705 Shares

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I am off to NYC this weekend for my Art Of Communication Seminar and I was thinking.

You know what my favorite part of a relationship is? The part of the relationship where you have to prove that you love the other person. Prove that you love me. If you love me, you will do this for me. People are nuts when they do that crap.

Prove it? You know, it kind of makes me scratch my head a little bit and makes me think. What, everything I have done up into this moment does not say that I love you? Are we misinterpreting each others’ actions so much that you just don’t understand anything that I do?

So many times, somebody will say that. If you really love me, you will cancel your night out with your friends tonight, and you will come and take me out to dinner. Or, if you really love me you won’t go visit your friends this weekend. You will fly around the world to go see me. Prove that you love me.

Let me tell you something. You don’t have to prove anything. If they don’t believe that you love them — if they don’t believe that you are into them, then you know what? Those relationships are not worth pursuing. They really aren’t. Any relationship that causes you grief — any relationship that just drives you off the wall and you have to consistently prove yourself to somebody is a relationship with a very needy person. An extremely needy person. Needy people always want things proven to them.

In reality, though, the reason why they always want things proven to them is because they don’t trust themselves in the first place. Prove that you love me. Have you ever dated somebody like that where you have to prove everything, and you are constantly on edge? Share with me today.

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About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

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Gabery

Thursday, July 28th, 2011

Mostly true. Though I've been on the other side of the medal, so I'd like to share some thoughts... I think there's a difference between demanding proof, and expecting some things. I agree that most sentences that start with "If you love me you will..." are bunches of crap. But I've had a few girlfriends who wouldn't do anything that required effort. One of them I lived with for a time, and it took everything for her to get up and cook, clean, or do any normal, everyday work, related to the appartment. And she never offered to lend a hand on her own ; I always had to ask. At that point, I do believe when you love someone and expect to live with that person, there are some little things that should come naturally, and one of them is wanting to be helpful, to participate in our significant other's life. My parents are still together, and I think it has a lot to do with them being able to be "a team" in everything. So am I a needy person for expecting my girlfriend (or at least, the one I live with) to give a hand ? Am I needy because I expect it as a proof of... maybe not love, but commitment ? And yes, I DO ask it a little bit as a proof of love ; this and other little attentions that show the other person actually *cares*. Am I supposed to let her do absolutely nothing if she doesn't want to, and just assume she loves me, proof being that she's here living with me under the same roof ?

Hope

Saturday, August 19th, 2017

hey, I read this article and didn't quite agree either. I like your take on it. However, I'm on the other side of your story. I am lazy. I dont like doing anything more than I need to. Hate housework and cleaning. My fianc'e and I wanted to move to the town he lived in before our relationship. He was going to build a house and we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I know and i knew i needed to change my attitude about hard labour and housework, but where I am now, if i do anything more than required, people act like i owe it to them. so i hadn't yet started getting myself motivated for the changes i need to make. i told myself i'd change when I move. the other day he called and said that we werent going to work. that i couldnt be who i needed to be. i want to make it work and prove myself to him because our love is worth it. i admit that i was selfish and wrong. he also messed up. it takes two. i want to show him that i am sorry and make it up to him and prove myself, but he wont talk to me. before, like a week before, we were all loving and perfect, i dont understand his sudden change and why he wont give me a chance. how do i prove myself to him? we are currently like a 10 hour drive away from each other so physically showing him is not an option. what is your suggestion as a man who's been on that side of the fence?

Jim

Thursday, July 28th, 2011

If a person who asks to prove another person means he or she just wants evidence but that person doesn't understands that the attention and care which is provided is LOVE.

Intern Dan

Thursday, July 28th, 2011

@Gabery- You bring up some great points! Wanting someone to pull their own weight in a relationship isn't a "demanding" love. It's just saying that "Hey we're a team and I can't do this alone." You weren't needy for wanting her to help out more. I do wonder though, why did she think she could take advantage of you like that? When a woman takes advantage of a man like that it usually means the man let her get away with it. If you don't let a woman get away with leeching off you, she won't.

Gabery

Thursday, July 28th, 2011

@Dan : Absolutely. I can only admit the error I made back then, I let her take advantage, partly because, in the beginning, she was going through a period of her life that proved a little challenging, and I wanted to help her, thinking when she'd get out of it, she'd be inclined to do her part, and maybe even more... Long story short : I thought over time she would understand and adapt to the situation (yes, I thought she would change). She didn't even slightly, and I learned my lesson.

Jonathan

Thursday, July 28th, 2011

I was once in a relationship like that. She would start a fight at least 1-2 times a month to try and get me to show her how much I loved her. The first few months of the relationship, I fell for the gimmicks. She would start a fight so I would run out and buy some flowers or tell her how much I loved her,etc. This would usually calm her down. I felt controlled and really became bitter towards. The last few months of the relationship I honestly stopped caring when she got mad which led to her starting even more fights. So I really should have confronted her early on about how manipulative she was. Looking back, I was not acting like a man by trying to avoid conflict with her. I think that a real man addresses issues head on and does not worry about upsetting her when he knows he is right. Well, those are just my thoughts on the subject.

Mel

Thursday, July 28th, 2011

You guys are so true bout the neediness, manipulation & control. I don't condone the selfish childish behavior. As a woman, sadly I've been on both sides of those extremes in the past & realized how ugly it can be. Whether enabling or not communicating openly what it is that makes you not secure or confident in their love. Id like to add three points that may lead up to some women behaving that way. 1) She may feel neglected or taken for granted. A guy may have done some wonderful things to "get" her initially & then figured he's got her now so why bother. A relationship requires BOTH people to show appreciation. 2) How you show appreciation may not translate in her LOVE LANGUAGE. She could be oblivious or self centered, but some girls feel more loved in different ways. Some may need more compliments & sweet talk, others a flower or token of affection, or doing something to help them out (like housework or car care), even simply holding her hand in public demonstrates you want other women to know you belong to each other. When maintenance is done, you may avoid many many fights. Feel free to ask your woman, of the things you have done what makes her feel most loved. They are usually happy to express that & make sure she knows what works for you too! 3) Are you as a guy making her insecure? I know some guys (&girls) that find it very entertaining to play jealousy games. Do you spend mass amounts of time avoiding her or spending time with your friends to the point you don't even go on 1 date a week & talk briefly once a day? (obviously varies on stage of relationship, but trying to be reasonable) Maybe she sees the drift & can tell her importance in your eyes has drastically declined. Long & short if adult communication, mutual cooperation & understanding can't occur, you can't make it happen. Like David said, get out. I just suggest you get a lil bit more info if it seems as though she is acting contrary to how you once knew her.

Mel

Thursday, July 28th, 2011

Oh & I meant to add an entertaining personal experience. I really blundered at times trying to prove my devotion. One instance, a guy I worked with & who knew I was in a long term relationship, asked me to join him for lunch on Valentines Day. I declined & told my man later, thinking it would prove my honesty & devotion. BACKFIRE! My guy got really upset & I thought I got him chilled out & reassured. Not so, the next day, without warning he came into my job (retail store). My coworkers saw him come in & take that guy aside & have an angry confrontation on the sales floor! So then everyone assumes I'm having an affair with that guy. Sheesh, ridiculous & embarrassing :P No shock that guy is an ex.

David S.

Thursday, July 28th, 2011

The healthiest relationships are those that contain selfless behavior not selfish behavior. And if you are relying on your significant other so much to fill your needs you shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. You have to love yourself and be secure with yourself before being in a committed relationship.

Intern Dan

Thursday, July 28th, 2011

@Mel I really love how you brought up the idea of love language. Awhile ago I had a nice date weekend with the gf and I thought I was doing things that really made her feel special. However, I was missing one big component that she needs: I wasn't saying that I thought she was awesome out loud. My bad! In my "Love Language" the message I was giving out was loud and clear, but for her it wasn't nearly as loud and clear. She loved to hear the words associated with the action. When you're in a relationship it really helps to learn each others Love Language so you can communicate the feelings you want to communicate.

Robert Pavelea

Sunday, September 1st, 2013

I'll have to disagree with that. Love language (as in REAL Love, and not conditional Love) is always based on silence and action. There's no need to say anything. What is the point of saying, for example, "The fact that she needs you to say things out loud eliquence.

Jo

Monday, July 17th, 2017

Men fall in love with their eyes, women fall in love with their ears.

desmond

Friday, July 29th, 2011

Reminds me of the ballad The Glove by Friedrich Schiller. Summary: A lady intentionally drops her glove into a lion's cage and says to knight Delorges: "If you really love me, you better pick up that glove." So Delorges climbs into the cage, surrounded by roaring lions and picks up the glove. His lady, pleased with his proof of affection, awaits him with a tender look of love. But when she is ready to thank him, knight Delorges simply throws the glove into her face and says:"I don't need your thank", and wishes to never see her again.

Mel

Friday, July 29th, 2011

Thanks Intern Dan! A friend of mine got a book called Love Languages from her husband as part of an anniversary present. She recommended it to me & its an enjoyable clarifying read on that subject. I realized the times I was getting upset & felt neglected, I was also neglecting him & the downward spiral of resentment starts. Also, nothing is more frustrating when you're spinning your wheels "proving" yourself & the other person doesn't get it, acknowledge it or ignores all your efforts. Ugh That ballad cracked me up Desmond. Now I gotta read more Schiller...

Cisqo

Saturday, July 30th, 2011

Thank you David for this inspiring blog, it seems that you're not only teaching us how to start a relationship but also how to break up :) I guess you teach us how to live not only how to date .. And regarding the topic, i'm still at entry level, a greenhorn :P, but I've read this quote (i don't remember where) that gave me lots of confidence ;it stated something like : 'it is up to a man, how a woman will act or behave..'

naej

Thursday, August 18th, 2011

how???????????????

naej

Thursday, August 18th, 2011

i dont know

jj

Friday, May 31st, 2013

Hi guys I have this girl and I do love her we both did som bad things to each other but we kanda got together again when we had a fight and we broke up so not even a week later she got like a new guy and her friend told me no she was the one telling her to do it so she can get over me and I tryed talking to her about it and then se tells me no she is doing it to get the spark between us again so I got my self another girl to just to call her bluff so I tell her no I got this girl to with the same idea and no she wants me to choose and she is so mad @ me she even left the other guy and I feel like I always have to prove my self then she don't believe me when I show her I love her just coz I lied toe her once in the past I love her and I guess she loves me but we to hard headed to work things out and I do want to fix it but dono where to start...

Robert Pavelea

Sunday, September 1st, 2013

If you guys like these types of articles, you will love the book Love, Freedom, Aloneness by Osho.

Christian

Wednesday, May 14th, 2014

I agree with all of this, David. Except for my situation now. I'm in a LTR but I've just discovered my partner has cheated on me. I'm considering a second chance, because I love him and I feel like it's the moral high ground in this situation. But I find myself wanting to tell him to prove his love. Like, he's got one chance to win me back. Is it wrong to ask him this? Am I just being needy, instead of realizing maybe this can't work?

Naketha brown

Monday, November 24th, 2014

How do you prove love?? Because I call you 20x's during the work day? Or have you tag along every time I get in the car? Or I only talk to you and have no friends of the opposite sex?? I mean really!! Love shouldn't be something you have to accomplish it should be natural and self given. Having to prove love it's like its being forced.

alison

Tuesday, April 7th, 2015

Romance? Or are you blind

alison

Tuesday, April 7th, 2015

Ive just said this to my DB of 4 years. Im not needy nor am I insecure. I simply feel let down and used. My home and my kids are my sole responsibility, the bills, shopping, food, housework, gardening, homework taxiing back and forth. My not so DB works long hours and goes straight to the pub after work everyday. He expects his dinner and washing done. Beer must be in the fridge all for £500 a month. No bills. Im exasperated exhausted my health is failing im 38. Prove you care. Show me once last time you actually care. I think every situation is unique and must've be judged.

Amanda

Friday, July 3rd, 2015

I just want him to prove it by actions. I don't ask him to cancel his plans with friends or to buy me things and take me to dinner . All of those things should come from the other person not me having to ask him to prove it. Am I being needy or trying to find the right person? Many are but Im not. I just want sincerity. Not having to ask it but for it to come from them. If we feel we have to remind them then there just not worth our time. It hurts like crazy but we must face reality.

Tony

Sunday, July 26th, 2015

I do believe that you have to prove your love to your love one, nowadays being on a relationship, it's hard if both side don't acknowledge that both sides have to work for this happiness, you know that the love is there, but also cellphones CPU, TV, hobbies, etc. so you have to work together to accomplish happiness and fulfill each other, in every relationship there is always one that is more understanding that the other, most likely won't make from something little a huge deal, on the other side, the oher one is always looking for something wrong to make you feel bad even though there's nothing wrong, at some point it doesn't really matter, what you do or what you don't do, it will be that insecure part the one that will feel is no getting the attention deserved, I my self lived a situation were I loved her so much but, me and her being so busy and having different days off from our jobs destroyed everything to a point that she thought I was ignorin her, but when I tried to talk to her or to invite her out, because she was always busy even at home, I would let her do whatever she was doing, and no big deal, but she was all the way around, I loved her so much, but we're not together anymore, I was not perfect I'm a human being I made my mistakes, but never did something wrong to her, I was loyal hard worker paid attention to her, most of the time, but I guess she needed more, my advice to everyone you have to look for the time to do stuff together, make plans together, be very patient with each other , so don't forget to say good morning good night give kisses all the time, regardless of the situation, into a knowledge that you were wrong, even if you weren't

Sara Garcia

Monday, December 31st, 2018

But what if u are told all the time by your partner you dont love them, thats what im going thru right now were going on six yrs, i show him plenty of love, but when he says that, i feel like im not proving enough to him!!! So no your wrong love should not have too be proven it should be natural!!! When u gotta prove constantly its the other persons problem

Thea

Friday, February 12th, 2016

Yes I will Prove My Love to You. Yes I will or I don't Love you cause your not worth it. But you are worth it to God and to me so I will prove it as God would have me to do amen in Jesus amen

Ant

Saturday, September 24th, 2016

I am actually in a 15 year marriage that is going through its 3rd divorce filing. This is what he wrote to me last night. Here me the best example I can think of alto illustrate how I feel in our relationship: You know the classic movie love story where a thousand things happen during the movie both good and bad but then the movie ends with both people running toward each other finally locking in a loving embrace with a picturesque sunset happening in the background? Well I feel like that's us but when we see each other I realize that i did all the running toward you and you just kind of stood there and waited for me to run to you. I'm left with a feeling that you may not necessarily care or love me as much as I love you. Maybe this is true and maybe it's not. But that is how I feel. I have felt that way for a long time. You may not feel that way and may very well see things differently. But I feel that this is pretty true and accurate appraisal of our relationship. A lot of times you use the kids as a reason for not making the extra effort or for not going that extra mile to meet me half way or for you to come all the way once in a while. But I don't think it's fair to make excuses at all in any relationship. I know the kids are important, they're hugely important to me as well I love them more than anything. But I don't think I've ever made you feel like you meant less to me than they do. If anything it's probably the opposite. Not because you can even make a comparison like that but because I purposely want you to feel that you are the most important person in my life. And despite you working and doing housework and taking care of the kids I just always wanted to feel that important in return. The most important thing to a kid is to have two parents that love and care about them. More importantly than that is that they have two parents who are together and united in a loving marriage living together to make a home and to be a family together. The kids need us together acting a single parental unit working together to do what is best for our family. They certainly don't need or want to see their parents divorced living apart from each other watching their family torn apart by petty conflicts and outsiders. I can speak from the perspective of a child who witnessed his parents get divorced and lived thru the turmoil of it all only to have a life of heartache, struggle and confusion because his parents weren't strong enough or smart enough or didn't love each other enough to figure it out. I would have given anything for my parents to have helped each other and fought to fix their marriage and save their family and not put their child thru that horrible experience and almost impossible upbringing. Sometimes divorce is inevitable. But I don't think that what our marriage is suffering from is irreparable. I believe we have hope. I believe there is love between us. I'm willing to sacrifice my own personal pursuits to save our marriage, our friendship, our relationship, but only if you honestly love me enough to put forth the effort to show me and can prove it to me by your actions and not just words. If you can love me like you once did then there is hope for us. But if you don't please don't feel bad, but at least be honest with yourself and with me. I can't take anymore continual and ongoing heartbreak. Because that is what you have done to me. You have broken my heart. Almost each and every day since we started our family. You made me feel irrelevant and unwanted. You made me feel less than I once was to you. I realize and recognize and agree that the kids come first on all accounts, but I matter too. So do you. And so does our marriage. But if we get divorced there is no going back. There is no dating after divorce. There is only moving on. We will have taught our children how to give up and quit on everything that matters

DK

Sunday, September 3rd, 2017

I just had two dates with a guy. It turns out, after the second date, he told me I needed to prove myself to him (he's 42 and I'm 36). That I am worthy of his time and interest. Oh and by the way, he bodyshamed me saying that he works out a lot and has a beach body and I am chubby and that turns him off. Having said that, he still agrees to see me for a second date. Then shit hit the fan. He said that because of my body I have to prove to him I have something else to offer to him.... What a nuthead! And he STILL manages to tell me that I am the one with problems and playing the victim. He basically told me I don't understand men and he said (his words): wake up and man up! and also that I was hopeless.

Sam

Tuesday, December 26th, 2017

I am only 21 with my bf of 22 weve lived together a few years already and ive been nothing but faithful and loving. For the most part i make his lunch and used to make his breakfast every day, now its just easier for him to take his lunch, i make his dinner every day i keep up with the house and the animals the most i can. Everything is cleaned just not always deep cleaned and since we have animals the dirt builds quickly. I work now 40 hours a week at my job and do everything house wise along with the laundry. Because i have not gotten a management position with money or a second job again ive "failed" him. Because his laundry has cat fur on it sometimes and he has to lint roll his shirt off for five minutes ive failed him. If the laundry isnt put away right away or if there are dishes in the sink the house is dirty. Ive come home after working ten hours to come home and deep clean my kitchen till three in the morning because ive failed him. In my opinion you shouldnt have to consistantly prove yourself in a relationship. The house is clean his clothes are washed his food is made and im a loving girlfriend. But because i dont have enough money to take him on vacations im "holding him back" and "hes compromised with me this whole time by still being with me" even though he cheated on me two years ago. Am i wrong for thinking hes anal and that im being mistreated because he thinks i dont do enough for him and constantly tells me im a failure to him?

Samantha

Tuesday, December 26th, 2017

I dont believe that you should have to constantly prove yourself to your partner unless its faithfulness. I am only 21 with my bf of 22 weve lived together a few years already and ive been nothing but faithful and loving. For the most part i make his lunch and used to make his breakfast every day, now its just easier for him to take his lunch, i make his dinner every day i keep up with the house and the animals the most i can. Everything is cleaned just not always deep cleaned and since we have animals the dirt builds quickly. I work now 40 hours a week at my job and do everything house wise along with the laundry. Because i have not gotten a management position with money or a second job again ive "failed" him. Because his laundry has cat fur on it sometimes and he has to lint roll his shirt off for five minutes ive failed him. If the laundry isnt put away right away or if there are dishes in the sink the house is dirty. Ive come home after working ten hours to come home and deep clean my kitchen till three in the morning because ive failed him. In my opinion you shouldnt have to consistantly prove yourself in a relationship. The house is clean his clothes are washed his food is made and im a loving girlfriend. But because i dont have enough money to take him on vacations im "holding him back" and "hes compromised with me this whole time by still being with me" even though he cheated on me two years ago. Am i wrong for thinking hes anal and that im being mistreated because he thinks i dont do enough for him and constantly tells me im a failure to him?

Steven Ney

Friday, October 26th, 2018

im in one of those relationships right now what do i do

Machelle

Tuesday, June 25th, 2019

Started a relationship with a guy, was all good until he asked me to pay for something I didn't have the money for, and would not have it soon if ever, That's when he said "YOU DON'T LOVE ME" I told him I did love him very much, then " THEN PROVE IT AND GET THAT FOR ME!" ,Broke my heart, I couldn't and he knew this, the hurt was,even more because I HAD TO LET GO, This was wrong to me and if I didn't show my love for him with what I said to him or when I missed him and said so in many ways, or when showed it in intimacy. Then he would never know,I loved him and HE DOESN'T HAVE A,CLUE WHAT LOVE REALLY IS.

Relationships That Make You Prove Your Love

About David

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33 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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Gabery

Hope

Jim

Intern Dan

Gabery

Jonathan

Mel

Mel

David S.

Intern Dan

Robert Pavelea

Jo

desmond

Mel

Cisqo

naej

naej

jj

Robert Pavelea

Christian

Naketha brown

alison

alison

Amanda

Tony

Sara Garcia

Thea

Ant

DK

Sam

Samantha

Steven Ney

Machelle