A friend of mine called me earlier.
“David, I met this woman who I’m so aligned with. I can feel her.
The chemistry is off the charts. It’s ridiculous.
We talk and we totally understand one another.
I feel like I’m touching her without even touching her.
I understand her, she understands me. There’s one issue.
I’m 60. She’s 30. How do I get her to want to be with me?”
Listen very carefully to what that terminology is: How do I get her to want to be with me?
Getting someone to want to be with you means that you’re actually going into salesman mode, so you’re selling somebody the benefits.
You might as well state it like this, “Hey, look, I’m a great guy, I can have sex with you better than any other man in the world. I’m going to be cool. I’m old, I’m wise, I could teach you so many things…”
Blah blah blah. That’s not the way things work. The second you go into salesman mode when you meet somebody is the second you give any and all power away.
Here’s the deal: 60 and 30 is not going to work long-term. It won’t. It can’t.
A 30-year-old woman has way too much going on in her life, way too many experiences. She probably wants a family. She’s got so many things she wants to do and experience that by the time she’s 45 or 50, she doesn’t want to be with a 75 or 80-year-old guy, and that’s understandable.
Life is about the moment. When two people meet and gravitate towards one another, it doesn’t always have to be permanent. It can be something that can just be a week or two or three or a month or four months or a year.
Everybody in life is a messenger for you. People are there to teach you things that you can learn from. That’s the beauty of what dating and what life is all about.
So my 60-year-old friend asked me, “What if I’m honest with her like you told me to be and she just doesn’t really want to go any further? What do I do?”
You tell her this:
“Look, I’m 60, you’re 30. You’re an experience for me and I’m an experience for you. We’re going to share things, we’re going to learn from one another, and our time will be up whenever it’s meant to be up. But why deny a connection? Why deny something where you can both grow as people? That’s what expanding yourself is all about and I can understand if you have fears about it, but I’m not looking to spend the rest of my existence with you because I don’t expect you to wheel me around the nursing room in 15 years. But right now I’m young, I’m viral, and there’s something here that I want to explore.”
And then you shut up.
Most people can’t even do this last part because the uncertainty is better than the possibility of rejection.
But I urge you to step into the uncertainty, for that’s where all life’s gifts are hiding.
114 Comments | Join the Discussion!
KC1
Tuesday, May 15th, 2012
Bob
Tuesday, May 15th, 2012
Bill Deutschmann
Friday, August 31st, 2012
David Wygant
Tuesday, May 15th, 2012
John
Thursday, May 17th, 2012
John
Tuesday, May 15th, 2012
Pam
Tuesday, May 15th, 2012
caroline
Sunday, August 19th, 2012
joe
Thursday, August 9th, 2012
Bob
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012
Brenda
Friday, September 28th, 2012
Collin
Tuesday, May 15th, 2012
Diana
Tuesday, October 2nd, 2012
John
Tuesday, May 15th, 2012
Collin
Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
Manny
Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
Manny
Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
Liberty
Friday, May 10th, 2013
Bob
Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
Kurt
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012
jan Yovanovic
Sunday, December 9th, 2018
jan Yovanovic
Sunday, December 9th, 2018
Bob
Sunday, May 20th, 2012
Mark
Sunday, May 20th, 2012
Bob
Thursday, May 17th, 2012
Manny
Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
Bob
Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
Louise
Friday, June 15th, 2018
Manny
Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
Bob
Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
Liberty
Friday, May 10th, 2013
Manny
Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
Mike
Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
Jennifer
Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
Intern Dan
Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
Collin
Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
Mike
Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
Collin
Thursday, May 17th, 2012
Roy
Thursday, May 17th, 2012
Intern Dan
Thursday, May 17th, 2012
Mark
Sunday, May 20th, 2012
Zach
Thursday, May 17th, 2012
howard
Thursday, July 12th, 2012
Bob
Thursday, May 17th, 2012
Zach
Thursday, May 17th, 2012
Zach
Thursday, May 17th, 2012
Maddie
Thursday, May 17th, 2012
Maddie
Thursday, May 17th, 2012
Roy
Thursday, May 17th, 2012
Mark
Sunday, May 20th, 2012
Intern Dan
Friday, May 18th, 2012
Guest
Thursday, May 17th, 2012
Ryan
Thursday, May 17th, 2012
Intern Dan
Friday, May 18th, 2012
Ryan
Saturday, May 19th, 2012
Ryan
Thursday, May 17th, 2012
Mike
Friday, May 18th, 2012
Ryan
Sunday, May 20th, 2012
John
Friday, May 18th, 2012
Mark
Sunday, May 20th, 2012
Collin
Friday, May 18th, 2012
John
Friday, May 18th, 2012
José Colín
Friday, May 18th, 2012
John
Friday, May 18th, 2012
Roy
Friday, May 18th, 2012
Intern Dan
Saturday, May 19th, 2012
Angela
Saturday, May 19th, 2012
Collin
Saturday, May 19th, 2012
Angela
Saturday, May 19th, 2012
LoveForever
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012
LoveForever
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012
Bob
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012
Bob
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012
z0neye
Sunday, June 3rd, 2012
Andrew
Tuesday, July 3rd, 2012
elle
Wednesday, July 4th, 2012
Camila
Thursday, July 5th, 2012
Cleo
Sunday, July 29th, 2012
Rene
Monday, July 30th, 2012
Staci
Tuesday, September 25th, 2012
crystllynnhundley
Tuesday, August 14th, 2012
crystllynnhundley
Tuesday, August 14th, 2012
Younger Woman
Sunday, August 19th, 2012
lili
Wednesday, October 28th, 2015
maria
Friday, August 24th, 2012
truth
Monday, September 24th, 2012
Lisa
Thursday, September 27th, 2012
SUMITRARANI
Tuesday, October 2nd, 2012
rita
Sunday, October 7th, 2012
deedee
Monday, November 12th, 2012
Chris
Friday, November 30th, 2012
Earnthe Necklace
Friday, May 17th, 2013
Diana
Monday, June 17th, 2013
kammy
Wednesday, August 7th, 2013
Claudia
Sunday, September 1st, 2013
james_
Friday, September 6th, 2013
Cenovia Adelleh
Saturday, March 8th, 2014
Glwn
Wednesday, May 14th, 2014
Evelyne
Sunday, May 18th, 2014
Kisha
Monday, February 22nd, 2016
Kisha
Sunday, April 3rd, 2016
Kisha
Sunday, January 31st, 2016
Shamarion Smith
Tuesday, March 29th, 2016
Mr T
Wednesday, February 15th, 2017
Kisha
Sunday, April 3rd, 2016
Tdub
Friday, April 21st, 2017
Ric
Wednesday, April 26th, 2017
Luz
Thursday, July 20th, 2017
Vern
Saturday, November 4th, 2017
Jennie Jo
Wednesday, October 24th, 2018
Dick
Friday, April 26th, 2019
allen schattschneider
Tuesday, June 11th, 2019
Dane
Sunday, June 23rd, 2019
Peter fitzpatrick
Sunday, June 30th, 2019