Dear David WygantI have a great email I need to share with all of you today, and I think it’s going to open your eyes, especially when you hear my response. It’s an email from a lady named Daniella, and as always follows my response. 

“Dear David. My name is Daniella. I’m 27 years old and I’m currently dating. I want to make a long story short. I keep having relationships with guys who end up being douchebags and Mommy’s boys. Anyway, for the last couple of years I’ve been working on myself. I’ve been improving my self-esteem and confidence. I can honestly say that now I feel very confident, beautiful, and proud of what I’ve become and achieved.

I just wish I could break the pattern of dates I’ve started running into. It all starts with fireworks. Everything is amazing. The sex is great. We’re committed. Then something happens. He starts to withdraw. I withdraw. We grow apart, and it eventually ends. It’s not the withdrawal that bothers me so much. What does bother me is what is it that suddenly triggers him to become needy, insecure, dependent, and so on?

What is it that makes men suddenly turn into big man-babies once they’ve been in a relationship for some time?”

David says…

Daniella,

The first thing I want to do is congratulate you on the work you’ve done on your own. Improving your self-esteem and confidence is so important so well done!

Here’s what you probably need to work on next; your listening skills. When you’re in the “fireworks” stage of a relationship, we don’t always listen to everything the other person is saying. We try to ignore signs that something isn’t right in the relationship, because the chemistry is so good, and the oxytocin is kicking in. You like the guy and he gives you great sex.

The man was good in bed. The sex is great. And you become blinded by what I call the Oxytocin rush. Here’s the deal. In the rush of Oxytocin, you probably start feeling all these emotions about the guy. You start to become a little vulnerable. You become a bit like Ariel from “The Little Mermaid.” You’re fantasizing about Prince Eric, without paying attention to who Prince Eric really is.  

If you’ve seen movie Frozen, where one of the princesses falls for a prince called Hans, the same thing happens. In the rush of emotion, she fantasizes about what she believes Hans is really like, and later we discover he’s actually very devious and just using her. Men eventually always expose who they really are, but women get caught up in the emotional rush of the moment and don’t see it. My suggestion is to keep a dating diary.

Write down exactly how this man is making you feel. Write down any little warning signs you see, and pay attention. Ask yourself, are these things you can live with, or will they become a problem down the line. The next thing you need to do is to stop fantasizing about how you’d LIKE these men to be, and pay attention to who they really are. That way you’ll stop getting into relationships with guys who turn out to be man-babies.

Good luck and keep up the great work!