In Dating And Relationships Are You Able To Get Deep?

Men's Advice Relationship Advice, Uncategorized

By David Wygant July 30, 2011 213 Shares

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Today during my seminar today in NYC one of the guys asked me to share something personal and what my definition of going deep was. Let me share this with all of you right now.

I’m going to tell you exactly the way that I feel about something that is really personal to me.

I want you to have an open mind, an open heart. I want you to really feel what I’m feeling. When you read my words, I want you to take them in, and I want you to imagine what it’s like to be me in the situation I’m going through right now. Do I have your attention?

How do you feel right at this present moment?

Is your heart open?

Is your mind open?

Are you ready to read and listen without judgment?

Are you curious about what I have to say? Are you wondering what it is I need to share?

If you’ve answered yes to everything, yes to the open heart, yes to the open mind, yes to being curious about what I have to share, then it means you’re somebody who actually can listen to somebody with an open heart.

So the next time someone comes to you, and tells you that they really need to talk to you about something,

I want you to remember this blog. And I want you to remember what it’s like to stay open. I’ve got nothing to share today. I just wanted to see how open you were. I wanted to see what your reaction was to this. If you felt like you were waiting for something, or you didn’t have the time to listen to my stuff right now, whatever it might be and that’s okay also. But remember, over the next 30 days of your life, somebody is going to come to you, and they’re going to want to talk and they’re going to want to be heard. So you have to drop your shit, and really listen and really figure out and really take in what it’s like to be them in that situation. They’re the biggest keys to relationships, successful relationships, all relationships.

Thanks for listening.

About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

62 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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Intern Dan

Saturday, July 30th, 2011

You had me until listening without judgment. I realized I was expecting something big and that expectation was a judgment. That is the hardest part for me. I get into my head and sort everything before I actually have a chance to truly listen to someone and connect deeply with them. So don't be like Dan, be more open and judgment free while you're listening!

Jonathan

Saturday, July 30th, 2011

You're so right David. I was at church the other night, and I was talking to this older woman. Well, basically, she talked for like 20 minutes, and I just said a word or two ocassionally to show I was engaged. At the end of the conversation, she said "it was great getting to know you" although I barely said much. Getting out of my head and actually listening is so hard, but when you actually do it, people feel like they've really connected with you. Thanks for teaching that basic principle.

Mel

Saturday, July 30th, 2011

I'm guessing the picture was taken in the evening.... Sometime between 1980-85. When was "Menudo" at height of popularity? Regarding topic- too often I play convo questions like that as a guessing game & if it takes a while to get to point, I'm compiling a list of possibilities in my head. Maybe its a coping mechanism to buffer potentially shocking news? Dunno, inner dialog can be a struggle to being in the moment.

David S.

Saturday, July 30th, 2011

I was really looking forward to some good story coming my way. This is something I am good at. I will always be open to listening to anyone with a problem. One of the biggest problems I think people have is that they don't know how to simply listen to others anymore. They will always give advice and put in their two cents instead of doing one of the essential things a woman looks for in a guy, someone who can just listen to her problems with no judgment. Listening is the key to successful relationships!

Brian

Saturday, July 30th, 2011

This photo was taken in 1981 for some sort of high school dance.

john

Sunday, July 31st, 2011

David has nothing to share today? Ok. Here's enough advice to fix anyone's dating life. BE BORN GOOD LOOKING. Because that is really ALL that women care about. And I'm NOT joking.

Intern Dan

Sunday, July 31st, 2011

@John: My sarcasm and irony detector doesn't work super well on the internet, so if I'm being dense please forgive me. Even if you are joking, you've brought up a very common complaint about women that should be addressed. Everyone here has seen many guys who had no business being with a beautiful woman based on their looks yet had one hanging off his arm, eating up every word he had to say, and throwing him "do me" eyes every 5 seconds. Women are interested in your vibe, your energy and your attitude towards life. So, when you say you have to "be born good looking", it's really an excuse that the monkey in your head has given you to stop you from meeting and dating the women you really want. The excuses effect your vibe, your energy and your attitude towards life and ultimately hinders your ability to meet the women you want.

Bob

Sunday, July 31st, 2011

John and David. David, Nice wallpaper and Tux. Looks like the one I had on at my first marriage. You look about 17 so probably a prom. John, man, you don't only have to be good looking. Rich AND good looking works even better! Or just rich will even do, then you can skip wasting all your time reading all this Wygant advice from the start. =) David, have a nice flight home from the big apple.

David S.

Sunday, July 31st, 2011

@ John: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! I know what you're trying to do but that was the best you could come up with? Women do only care about looks, but not what you look on the outside because if you're a piece of crap on the inside it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside cause you'll never get a girl who really cares about you. Don't post on this blog if you're going to say stupid shit like that!

Mario C

Sunday, July 31st, 2011

it was taken 1978

Intern Dan

Sunday, July 31st, 2011

@David S. This blog is raw and real. We can all post whatever we want, even when it might be the "dumbest thing" someone's ever heard. @John I'm actually really happy you posted what you did John. (assuming you're not joking)Your thoughts and feelings are ones that I know I've had to deal with and other guys have to deal with too. The frustration and anger in your post is honest and sincere. It is only in a place of honesty and sincerity that real, life-changing learning can happen. Anytime anyone posts on this blog, it should ONLY be honest and sincere, even if it ruffles some feathers or comes across as "stupid shit".

john

Sunday, July 31st, 2011

No, I'm being perfectly honest. I think it's time for all of us to stop kidding ourselves, and just face that it is ALL about the looks,, PERIOD. And yes, I know David will "call me out on my B.S.", and others will say I need to get confidence, and will tell me it is all in my head, without not even having any idea WHAT I look like. And some girl will come in here and tell me I am looking for a supermodel, (furthest from the truth.), and that I need to settle for someone OBESE,, and that's ok. I'm ready for it. BEEN THERE. I am just speaking from what I have observed for the last 30 or so years. A woman will decide based on the looks you were born with, 100%, of the time, before she knows ANYTHING about you. I have tried to have an open mind, but everything I see just confirms my beliefs. Do I ever see the hot girl with the ugly guy? Sure. But RARELY. There are exceptions to every rule. But it is ridiculous to think that someone like me, who was born without good looks, could EVER level the playing field. Fact of life. So, let's all just go ahead and keep kidding ourselves, and pretend any level of GAME, or whatever you want to call it, can ever change things, and just keep watching tall, thin, good looking guys keep getting any women they want with no effort at all. And, yeah, I am ANGRY. I think I have a right to be.

john

Sunday, July 31st, 2011

@dan, ,, I am being honest. And I am sincere. Sincerely FED UP. I start conversation, after conversation, with people all around me, and it never leads ANYWHERE. Women look at me with the same disinterest, and I know I have no chance, because 1 look and her mind is made up. I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Intern Dan

Sunday, July 31st, 2011

@John- That fuckin' sucks man. Where you are is a bad place to be. But, there is a silver lining: You haven't given up. You could be on any other internet site, looking at porn, playing World of Warcraft, Facebook,or Texts From Last Night. If you'd given up you wouldn't be here and you wouldn't be angry and pissed off. You'd be resigned to your fate. You're probably a stubborn sonovagun who fights until the bitter end. Good. That's what a man is supposed to do. You say something really intersting: "I have tried to have an open mind, but everything I see just confirms my beliefs." What's happening is that you're looking for this scenario to play out and you're finding it. And it's a hard scenario to disprove. I used to totally believe the same thing. I'd see good looking douche bags with hot women and I'd be left alone and miserable. I knew I was a better guy than these douches. But I was the one home alone. This happened time and time again. Finally, totally defeated and desperate, I asked this one girl who shot me down and who I was totally crazy for, "Is it because I'm not handsome enough for you?" You know what she said? "No, I'm just not attracted to YOU in that way." She probably softened it with some pretty words but I was totally gutted. I had believed for so long that I was ugly and that's why I couldn't get women... but it wasn't my looks... it was me! I had always comforted myself with knowing that if a girl "knew" me, she'd look past my looks... but they were knowing me and not liking it. I wished that I was ugly, at least then there'd be nothing wrong with me as a person! It's not how you look John. It's all the negative energy that you've created over the years. Women see it and don't want it. We create our own hell and you're living yours out. But you're here and you haven't given up. So I'm asking you to drop your long held beliefs for awhile and try out some of the ideas here. All belief systems require faith. You have faith that women are looking for looks and only looks. Put that belief system on pause for a bit and try having faith in the idea that women are interested in who you are as a person and the energy you give off. What do you say? If we're wrong then you get to be right and get to say "I told you so." If you're wrong than you'll start getting hot women. You've got nothing to lose and if you're as the stubborn fighter I think you are you'll enjoy this new battle.

john

Sunday, July 31st, 2011

Wow Dan,,, so much to respond to. I'm gonna need a computer to type this much out, I'm on my phone, and away from home. What I'll say now is, there is a difference between believing you are ugly, and being PHYSICALLY UGLY. Also, this isn't a new battle. , I am almost 40., I've been dealing with this my whole life. I have tried all of the techniques here. There is not much you can do if the first thing through a woman's mind when they see you is "ewww". When women look at me, they look away FAST.. And they never look back. It's too bad there is no way for anyone here to see what I look like. It's bad. Really bad. And there is nothing any amount of working out or dressing well can fix. There is not much you can do about a really ugly face. Severe acne causes lifelong damage that you just cannot fix. (unless you have several thousands to spend on surgery, and still there are no guarantees.). It was given to be genetically. Along with big ears, and a huge nose. Women only go for the most physically attractive man they can get. They don't care if he cheats on, or even beats her as long as she can show him off to her friends. There are good looking guys everywhere. I will never be able to compete. The cold hard fact is that women are just like us, If not much worse.

David S.

Sunday, July 31st, 2011

John is basically saying women are superificial. Come on man, have some faith in women. Of course there are men and women who only focus on looks and I feel sorry for them but there definitely are others who are interested in everything about a person. There is balance in the world you just gotta explore and not let some bad experiences dictate your beliefs. Believe in what is real. I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion but this whole article is about being open! Have your mind and heart open to seeing the opposite of what you have unforunately seen so far. Everything is not so black and white in life. As of right now I think a lot of women won't be interested because of the way I look but the only reason I keep going is because I know there are women who have just as good a heart as I do and will see me for more than just my looks (or lack there of). If you stop believing, you stop trying. Don't stop trying! @ John I apologize for earlier, I thought you were just trying to make fun of what we are trying to do here. I see now you are just like me. This is why I came here, to get some help to communicate better with women so I can find those ladies who will see me for the wonderful person I am. Just don't give up on it all, I'm not. We can help each other, I certainly could use any advice you could give me and I know we can both learn something together and find those great women we both know exist out there!

Collin

Sunday, July 31st, 2011

John, say what you will, but I haven't changed my physical looks hardly at all, yet in the past year and a half or so, my success with women has absolutely taken off. All of the changes I've made are personality changes. That's evidence enough that women aren't near as superficial as you would imply.

Bob

Sunday, July 31st, 2011

John. Looks are like an open door for a woman when they see it. If you have them, they will walk through them much easier than if you don't. If you are below average looking, you have to work a lot harder to get them to walk through and give you the time of day. But, not all women are hot, in fact there are plenty more ugly women, than there are ugly men, and those are the ones who you should start working with. These women have the same "image" problems as men, and will welcome almost any male attention no matter how you look, or how bad your "game" is. Start crawling, then walking and you will finally be running with a girl who will fit your image, and standards.

Intern Dan

Sunday, July 31st, 2011

I want everyone to watch this video. This guy is one of the coolest dudes I've ever seen. You can see him in the David DeAngelo man transformation series (his talk is on youtube). Whatever troubles you think you have, this guy has you beat. Hands down, no questions asked. Here's a video with him: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfrPAM0_Rzs&feature=related Here's an article where he's talking about the hot girls he dates: https://www.seduction-chronicles.net/2008/09/08/sean-stephenson-interview/ If you want to change your life John, this is the place to do it and David Wygant is the guy to do it. But you need to want it, you need to be all in and you need to be willing to drop the excuses. It's totally worth it.

Mel

Sunday, July 31st, 2011

Please forgive me, as I know you guys are having an amazing open convo & I don't want to diminish freedom of speech here. As a girl who has gotten to know guys I wasn't initially attracted & ended up falling for them Id like to give some hope. Perhaps you guys could help me as well. First off, the first guy I fell incredibly in love with had an immensely huge nose (like an eagle), to the point I will admit I was concerned if we had a daughter (I think a guy can carry it off better than a girl) who inherited it, I wondered how soon she could get a nose job. You know what tho? He utilized his nose very well & it became part of his sexiness! Lol, I will not reveal details on that. I also dated a guy who had a Prosthetic leg & he had amazing qualities too. Yes, I have dated Mr. Universe looking guys for short moments until reality set in. At first I liked their work ethic & focus on health, but then I realized how shallow & egotistical they were. I found myself trying to cut dates & convos short cuz I was sick of hearing them talk about how much they could lift or their money, they didn't give a damn bout me or other thought provoking subjects all they wanted was sex, a trophy girl & convenience. Are all muscular guys like that, well its not fair to anyone to get categorized, but meatheads need not apply with me. The biggest issue with attracting fit girls is be healthy! Eat right, exercise regularly (not fanatically), watch the beer intake, get good hygiene & habits it does SOOO much. It expresses you have control over your life. You don't have to have a six pack but if you want to divert attention from other insecurities, well it won't hurt & may give u extra confidence. The guys that have made me do a double take are those who I connect with in convo, they are gentlemen who have their life in order & they are generous in a way that gives a girl a sense of security that her well being is important. Having a positive vibe draws in all people. Personally I love to laugh & there are many types of funny. Just know that if you run yourself down a lot it comes out in ways that makes others wonder how much time would have to be spent on trying to reassure you & that's time away from having a fun enjoyable life even when the going gets tough. Now is my moment to express that in a few days I will be losing half my thigh due to some freak tumor. I try not to be superficial but Ive enjoyed my legs whole & when in heels & skirt they would get attention. Soon I'll look like I tangled with a shark :L It's even more scary not knowing how I will walk & if I will be able to work in the physical therapy field that I just received a degree in. Granted its easier to hide under clothes & leg is not amputated, but it could hinder me from getting what I want in life if I let it. So I'm determined to focus on making myself the healthiest I can be & dwell on the positive experiences of those who overcome. Curious guys, what are your thoughts of a girl limping into a room? Seem like baggage?

john

Monday, August 1st, 2011

And just when we all think WE have problems, here comes "leg tumor girl", to make our problems seem minuscule. Sorry about your leg, and I wish you the best with your surgery and wish you a speedy recovery. Now, about the topic, I still hold to the belief that women are far more superficial than any of you want to believe. All of the women I know are EXTREMELY superficial. Sure, personality matters, but only after passing the looks test. Well, you don't get to second without getting to first. You can't win if you are never permitted to play. Right? I think women only look at personality as a bonus. If you are good looking, then you are in the door instantly. Sure, you might be "mr. Right now", but you know what, Mr. "right now", gets laid. She never gets to know Mr. Personality, because the first thing that went through her head when she saw him was "ewww".

Intern Dan

Monday, August 1st, 2011

@Mel, I'm sending good vibes your way that everything will go well. I have no doubts that you will have a great surgery and you'll recover well. And don't worry about the "baggage". Everyone who reads your posts can tell you have a beautiful energy. That will always shine through. I personally know really good looking guys with tons of game who has dated a woman without a leg. It won't be an issue. Unless you decide to be come a grumpy old man like Dr. House from the hit tv series House. Then you might have problems but even then I'm sure there are guys who would be like "She's hot! she's like a woman House"... that sounds so bad when you hear it but you know what I mean :) Keep us posted on how your surgery goes. We're all thinking about you. @John - I get the feeling you didn't check out Sean Stephenson. That's okay. When you want to leave your excuses behind, we're here.

Reginald

Monday, August 1st, 2011

It was always to my understanding that girls don't care about looks, in fact some girls want a non-handsome man do to non-compete clauses and such. As far as the picture is concerned, was it yesterday?

Bob

Monday, August 1st, 2011

Where's the main man on all this?? David, we need help here, we're crashin and burnin with John!! ...Must still be flyin' up in the first class, flirtin' with the flight attendants :)

Mel

Monday, August 1st, 2011

Tooma gurl here lol Thanks Intern Dan! & John I believe you meant well too, so thanks. Nice analogy of House, I used to cringe at his heartless rudeness on show, now I'm a bit more entertained by his sarcasm. If I can have his wit without bitterness be all good. I'm concerned John's brooding with bitterness is dangerous to his health. Only thing I could think of outside the box is what helped me break out of shyness. I took a job in customer service (just cpl hrs a wk does a lot) & its much easier to approach & talk when both sides expect its part of your job. The key is being somewhere you are PASSIONATE about. Convo flows & you get more time to shine as a girls barriers are down a bit. Honestly, unless we are blind, looks affect the physical attraction to an extent. More so the smiling vs. Angry/bitter demeanor. Perhaps a certain hair style could do wonders. Everyone has something different they are attracted to. There are girls with ear fetishes believe it or not, that love big ears. I can think of some guys I adore who have more extreme ear shapes (one guy draws attn w/ piercings) & they are more attractive the more I talk to em. In fact I wouldn't want to see em change their ears as its part of them & their character. Unless Mr Right now is what you wanna be at 2AM in a dark club with extremely drunk girls... still leads to emptiness... sorry John, hope you can get out of this rut & let others see the great qualities

john

Monday, August 1st, 2011

@Mel,, "I believe you meant well too",,, what is that supposed to mean?, ,I wished you luck, and said I was sorry about your leg,,, of course I meant well. But, I really think you are making my point for Me. You said the key to getting "fit girls", is being "healthy", meaning be thin, which is related to appearance, which is saying that LOOKS ARE WHAT MATTERS. Right? ...right. You say you think looks is important for the "physical attraction" aspect. Can we all agree that without that aspect a relationship cannot progress?, if so, then LOOKS ARE ALL THAT MATTERS. ,, I'm not just giving you a hard time.

john

Monday, August 1st, 2011

Ok, I have no idea how I clicked publish,, but as I was saying,, I'm not giving you a hard time, I think we are mostly in agreement. I an just saying that looks is much more of a deciding factor than you all want to admit. Some of you say,, john, I used to think just like you. Well, what changed your minds? I haven't seen anything to change mine. And certainly not Sean Stevenson. Of course he is going to say he gets "laid like a rock star", if he didn't, he wouldn't sell products.

Mel

Monday, August 1st, 2011

K, we all may see what we want, hear what we want. Actually many thin people can be unhealthy too. I don't doubt the girls you were referring to are superficial, there are superficial guys & girls in this world. Here's a challenge to getting deeper & beyond the surface. Volunteer & help others. You get outside of yourself & superficialities. Get passionate about it & tell others what they are missing & how they can join. You are more likely to find a girl with depth of character doing selfless acts volunteering, than one at the mall. Thanks again for wishing me well. MTFBWU

Intern Dan

Monday, August 1st, 2011

John, you're totally twisting things to fit your mindset instead of being open to how reality actually is. You're not open to change right now, and that's okay, that's where you are right now. There's nothing anyone here can say to change your mind. When you decide you'd like to try a new mindset and change your outlook on life, we're here and the door is open.

Miguel Marfori

Monday, August 1st, 2011

To listen with an open heart and without judgement. Thanks David, you've taught me something new today (and every day for that matter) An interesting conversation we're having here. @Intern Dan I agree with you dood. John is not open yet to change so let's give him time. Everyone has a time for change. We all change differently. It may take days, weeks, months or years. It took me years to finally have an open heart and mind. I took up DW's "Self-Love" audio a few years ago and I got to say, it has helped me further my mindset. I don't care if I'm not a supermodel or the Adonis, I love who I am as a person. I've learned self-love and it's helped me in life. Slowly but surely, I'm learning to approach new girls. I always say to myself "Are you willing to look like an idiot or play it safe?" I choose to look like an idiot. Give the best of yourself and if she rejects, who cares? YOU'RE THE CATCH. :D And as for the photo, I'd say that was taken during high school. You're wearing a suit for prom.

john

Monday, August 1st, 2011

@ what on EARTH is MTFBWU ????? @ intern dan ,, Believe me, I know how reality is. I've been living reality for the last 38 years. I would really like to know what your turning point was?? What changed your mind?? You said earlier that you used to think like me. I have really tried to keep an open mind, and I just haven't seen anything to prove me otherwise. I am really sick and tired of just being ruled out by women at first sight. Women judge me within the first second of seeing me. And sometimes they are just downright NASTY towards me for no reason. I'm sick and tired of that. I like David's material. He teaches to start a convo. by making observations, how to transition into a conversation, and how to close by saying "give me your number" I guess those are important things to know. But, I've always said here that I believe that advice is helpful to good looking people, who just don't know how to connect. Nothing I haven't said before. If women didn't look away so fast, and behave the way they do, I would probably think differently. But that hasn't happened yet. (Also, I think it's funny David hasn't chimed in and "called me out" because I said he would earlier. He's trying to prove me wrong.)

john

Monday, August 1st, 2011

oh, ok star wars reference. Just got it.

Bob

Monday, August 1st, 2011

John, Why don't you just decide to be happy "on your own" for a while, Or maybe forever? There is nothing wrong with that, and there is much to be said for being single purposefully. Just forget about women, and don't worry about them, or give a shit about their behavior for now. Get some hobbies, concentrate on work, building your career,and just enjoy doing things you like to do, by yourself. Hire a hooker or have a few one nighters to satify "the urges". I did this after my divorce, for several years, and had the time of my life, and most times now, with a woman, wish I had maintained this way of life. Women come with many problems, and many compromises to your independence and natural way of a man's life. You don't NEED a woman to be happy. (sorry to say, but this is the best advice you will recieve on this thread...I'm actually a lot smarter than David!, Really, no joking intended, as I have no ajenda or profit motive, to make my remarks, as you have obviously seen in the past. I don't give a shit what others think, don't praise David as if he is the messiah of knowledge of women, as many here do. He is a "natural", normal "bad boy" style of guy, good looking, arogant in his manner, style of player, with no experience of being in your particular situation. He is very common in the player field, and has simply learned to use it to make a very good living. (watch his videos and you will see this is his "natural" style. Read his remarks, against questioners, and you will see he is very confident, to the edge of being arrogant, when confronted. He has never been in your shoes as an awkward, less than good looking guy, who sees the truth in most women, by experience. I always speak my mind, and you can judge if it is right, or not, by my many past comments)Good Luck Buddy!

David Wygant

Monday, August 1st, 2011

.I'm actually a lot smarter than David! Bob on a plane right now and you gave me a good laugh. So tell me Genius Bob how are you a lot smarter than I? And you have been in Johns shoes???

David Wygant

Monday, August 1st, 2011

@John Have not called you out yet....was in nYC this weekend doing my Communication seminar. So catching up right now on the plane. Plus Bob is a lot smarter than I so read his post:) Bob will always give me a good laugh.

Bob

Monday, August 1st, 2011

Glad I give you a laugh, David! But maybe you should think about what I said. I think I made my case, as I intended. LOL I knew it would only take 10 minutes or less to get a remark from the "bad boy". I rest my case John. Take from it what you will...

Jonathan

Monday, August 1st, 2011

@Mel--I'm sorry to hear about your condition. As a medical professional myself, I know how hard you worked for you degree, so I hope you can continue to work in that field. To answer your question, I do not think a missing leg will deter most guys from being interested in you. I once met a girl who had a leg deformity. She was in great shape otherwise and had a very beautiful face. I actually used the deformed leg as an observation. This led to a great conversation. So as long as you don't use your disability as an excuse to let the rest of your body go, you will still attract men. Just carry yourself with confidence at all times and the guys will notice. Hope that helps.

David Wygant

Monday, August 1st, 2011

Bad boy.... Good boy bob. For a man who has never met me you actually think you know me. A smart man will never assume anything,

Intern Dan

Monday, August 1st, 2011

John, the turning point for me was when I was told that it wasn't how I looked that didn't attract her. It was just me. Me and my bad attitude. I didn't even believe her at first because of course it would be my looks. Of course I was awesome on the inside! That girl was just like the rest of them. She judged me because I was fat, hairy, my lips were too big, eyes a little crooked and sometimes spoke with a lisp. "I learned the truth at 17, that love was meant for Beauty Queens." -Janis Ian Yeah, I listened to that song, it's not just for girls. Hell, I even had family members try to explain to me that I'd be ok because "looks weren't everything and I had a good heart." In highschool I was captain of the football team and MVP of the wrestling team. I was fat but I knew how to use my weight. I never had a date. Do you know how hard it is to pull that off? It had to be because I was ugly. I had all this going for me and no woman. OF COURSE it was because I was ugly. A few years later I met a guy who was fatter, hairier, balding and what I judged to be uglier than me. Poor bastard, I mean I was bad, but this guy... yikes. Until I started hanging out with him and saw the women going gaga for him. It was like magic. These women couldn't resist him! He'd open his mouth and say two sentences and they were mush. The hottest women I've ever seen were falling over themselves to be with him. I even saw some of them share him with others just to get a piece. Why? Because he's one of the most powerful men you'll ever meet. He commands respect and the energy he has is amazing. If war breaks out tomorrow, this guy is your first pick to have your back. I realized that it wasn't my body that was ugly. It was just me and my bad energy. It's always always always about the energy you have. If you're observing things a woman does and make a comment, but in the back of your head you're thinking "I'M UGLY!!!" that kind of negativity completely wrecks any chance you have.

Mel

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

@Jonathan- thank you for your empathy & encouragement :) Yeah, one of many ironies in my life. Think it started due to a rollerblading accident, go figure. In some ways be easier if I was a couch potato with a desk job :L Can't believe I'm bout to agree with Bob on a few points. He's right about getting busy & enjoying yourself sans relationship pressure. In the process you discover more about what you can do & you become a more interesting man who will fascinate those in your presence. Think about the popularity of the Dos Equis Ads of "The Most Interesting Man in the World" (Jonathan Goldsmith) not titled the "Handsomest Man in the World". Challenge yourself to try new things outside your general comfort zone, take a class, travel somewhere new. I double dog dare you ;b It really does help. When I've been in very low points in life where I'd rather sleep all day than face the world, the only antidote to my stewing about what's wrong with me & my life is getting moving & doing. Even if its something small on the to do list. It's moving forward toward other goals. Every goal reached builds confidence. You will meet a lot of other interesting people in the process of further self discovery. Many people meet their future mate thru mutual acquaintances or shared activities... I have a relative who has acne scars & struggles with weight, married his lab partner a gorgeous petite Asian. You just never know what possiblities await you until you are open to explore. When Seal was in jail writing songs with a face full of scars, would he have guessed he'd marry supermodel Heidi Klum??

Bob

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

David, You know little of me, other than my couple dozen comments on your blog. However, I know you very well. I have studied your material, read your book, watched your videos, and have a very good understanding of your methodolgy, beliefs, history, and personality. So. yes, unless you are full of shit, and you publish material that is not consistant with your real personality, I do know you, and have a perfect right to judge you and your methods. Not saying I haven't gained much knowledge from you, just saying that yes, I do know you.

Chris

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

@ John..... I have posted a comment to john before and he completely disregared it as if he was blind and dumb. I stopped commenting to you john when you said that your about 40. Which means you have done nothing to change in 40 yrs or gave up. 40 years, I truly find it weird that someone can refuse to change in 40 yrs, it took me 20. Are really that afraid to think things can change. You have no idea what kind of MATRIX your living in. You lived in it for 40 yrs its all you know. David Wygant is not responding to john and I think I know why. You are super negative beyond belief. SUPER NEGATIVE!!!...Which means your REALLY UGLY on the inside. You are not handsome on the inside but REALLY UGLY deep inside. WHo would want to hang out with that. NOBODY!!, confident happy women don't, I sure don't. And millions sure don't. Maybe you have SUPER NEGATIVE BUDDIES who think the same. So according to your post your ugly on the outside, as you keep saying in every post. You should make a religion of it. But your ugly too on the inside as well...ANd I bet your inside is uglier then your outside if that makes sense. So your doubly fucked. But the outside didn't even matter, so your just fucked. COntinue living in your matrix, NEGATIVE MAN. I and others have awoken to the truth, because we took the red pill and never looked back.

Bob

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

Chris. What the hell is wrong with you man. You have some serious issues buddy...You have no right to talk to Anyone like that. I would punch you out if I met you in person...

Jake

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

@Bob He was just calling it like he sees it. Just like you always do. So are you going to get into a virtual fist fight?

Jake

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

@Chris Love the comment. Calling it like it is. I am an ugly guy as well but nice and fuzzy inside. Went to a bootcamp years ago and David called me out on my shit right away. I was John and now I have no issues meeting women at all. @John I am still ugly but i get laid like a rock star now due to being confident inside and I spent years working on myself. You need to get to one of Davids workshops and meet him.

Chris

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

ALso @John And by the way John, why are you here on this dating site if you believe what you believe. If you truly did you wouldn't be here on a dating site reading stuff about dating women since you can't do THAT as you say and write. You would have moved to someplace in the middle of nowhere where there are no women. And no connection to internet so you wouldn't have any temptation to watch some porn. It would just be you and trees and nature. Also john why do you come to this site for I don't know how long and say such stupid superficial 6th grade crap. You know many others don't feel that way. And you know many others will try to prove you wrong, show you another way of looking at things. Why would you post your thoughts and beliefs almost showcasing it and when someone denies it, refutes it, offers advice. You don't take it. You don't take advice. You just go "Blah blah blah I am ugly!!" SO why post anyway. DO you like the attention? Does this attention make you happy? hmmmm........ I want to say in no way I am bragging. I am super sexy!!!I mean Super SEXY!!! I was born SUPER SEXY!!..First listen and Hear me out to what I am bout to say!! I was told I was cute and gorgeous ever since i was a kid. Hell, girls have stopped dead in their tracks right infront of me at times just to look at me. I was completely shocked. Guess what!!! I didn't believe any of it..I experienced nothing. I had no girlfriends or friends, I was alone and miserable. I believed I was the ugliest man in the whole world. The ugliest man to ever live. Meanwhile that was untrue and the complete opposite on the outside. SO it doesn't fucking matter how you look on the outside even if your melting sexy!! if your feel your ugly then you will have nothing. And I had nothing. Absolute zero. Well maybe some things, I took some chances too. Though I never had a real first kiss yet. I am pretty sure it was a back of mind thing for me that hindered me in everthing. WHich stopped me in everything. John you have it to the 10 thousandth degree, you practically bathe in it every day. you shower in uglyness and dream of uglyness and awake with uglyness. So guess what I changed. I now think I am sexy as fuck, the truth. Sometimes i forget that and have to remind myself and it almost completely gone. But 10000 more important I feel better about myself and who i am. I am starting to love myself and actually feel good. So I feel really good. But yet I still don't have women or real friends now. You know why??? HARD WORK!!! It takes HARD WORK and I am willing to put the effort to get what I want. Are you afraid of hardwork? Is that it because that could be it. The real reason why your hiding behind the excuse that your ugly. HARDWORK!! It takes hardwork? This is coming from a sexy man who feels good about himself. It takes hardwork!! WOmen don't just throw themselves at you, OH your HOT!!! FUCK ME NOW!!! in my vagina....NOOOOOoo! stupid.....no that does not happen. Iam getting there little by little, every day, putting my work in. Reading blogs, and listening to podcasts and talking socializing. Learning growing. Felling better and amzing about myself. GOing ou with that positive inviting approachable energy. I know I will realize my dreams, and I know it takes HARDWORK!! SO I am doing it!! Because I want my life to change. I refuse to settle and accept things the way they are. SO that was my Matrix. That was the matrix I lived in and unplugged myself from!! SO thats why I took all this time to write this just for you John. JUST FOR YOu. I am passionate about this, when someone calls themselves and believes that their ugly beyond belief I tell them that their sexy and beautiful no matter how they look and also to shut the fuck up and stop thinking that way. Because I know how terrible that is, I've been there. It's not how you look its how you feel. I and the whole rest of the world proves that. Even you John Prove that. Because you keep saying you feel ugly. I guess I'll end with one propostion, a challenge to you John. You have lived your life almost half of your life. believing your ugly. Lets say the average man lives to be 100 years old. That means that you have 60 years left of your life. I think it would be very cool if you lived half of your life believing that your ugly and the other half believing that your beautiful. You've already lived the same way for so long. What about change, the other half of your life can be amazing if you believe your beautiful. Or you could live the same way for the rest of your life till the day YOU DIE AT 100 YRS OLD!!

Chris

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

BOB!!!! Read all of john's comments!!! Do you think being nice and polite is going to get through to john!!! Be honest BoB

Joe A.

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

@Intern Dan Word up on Sean Stephenson. He was great on Jimmy Kimmel but I can't find that video. Brutally honest: He looks like a pale umpa lumpa with FAS. But it doesn't matter. He worked for Bill Clinton. Was trained by Tony Robbins. If he can improve his dating life, anyone can. Even an ugly person's excuses and perceived failures can't stand up to this crippled man in a wheelchair who's getting it done.

Joe A.

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

@John Letting self-destructive thoughts swim around in your head is a burden. At least pin them down on paper with a journal to see what's going on. Also getting a blog discussion going here is a good idea. I'm a loser and watch shows like Millionaire Matchmaker, which is surprisingly a great window into dating even though it's a crap reality show. 1 INSIGHT you can gain from wasting hours watching this show: If you are both handsome and a millionaire but can't charm a girl or there's no chemistry, you're done after 2 dates; if you're a dick, done after 1. Watch the show as proof. Women are superficial with 1st impressions (just like men), but if there's no chemistry they won't waste their time.

Chris

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

Yo Joe A. I met Sean Stephenson live in person. He was amazing. His presence moved me to tears. His presence also opened the whole room. He's that powerful and he's very funny.

Mel

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011

Lately, I've had to spend waaaay more time at a hospital than I'd prefer. Walking thru the ER to get an MRI, I was thinking how precarious life can be. We could all be one car crash away from looking worse than Quasimodo. Gentle reminder to count our blessings. By forcing our mind to dwell on the good & consciously counteract the negative, eventually we can retrain our thought processes. The mind has plasticity, just takes a while & positive reinforcement. Though I don't agree with John's stereotypes & negativity, I honestly think John is hurting & really needs a hug... sending you a digital hug John! P.S.- Do you have a dog? They can be comforting & chick magnets

john

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011

@chris,,, hey PAL,, you don't know me and don't know SHIT about me. To tell you the truth, I don't really give a FLYING FUCK what you think. You don't know me, and don't know a damn thing about me, or my life. You have obviously never read the majority of my posts. Me and David have had some great exchanges, we have given each other some shit over the past several months, but he knows I'm a fan, a CUSTOMER, and a friend. We don't ALWAYS agree, or always see eye to eye, but that is what creates a great discussion. I have always given David credit for being a great inspiration, and teacher, and THAT is why I am on this "dating blog", not that it's ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS. @ Mel.,, thank you. Really, I'm fine. @ Mel, and bob,, I do enjoy time by myself, but I have been enjoying that time for way too long. I'm just sick and tired of going it alone, and like I've said before, I wish someone would prove me wrong. (about women only being interested in physical perfection.), it just hasn't happened yet, but I keep waiting. I'm a little bit angry, and frustrated about my dating life, but today is a new day, and I'm gonna try and make it a good one. @dan, that's a great story, thanks for sharing. @everyone,, you all know I never swear on this blog, and I usually edit out f-words, (like f*ckation), but FUCK CHRIS, AND FUCK ANYTHING HE SAYS.

john

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011

I apologise to the fine members of this community for my language. The last thing I want to do is spread any hate here,, but Chris wanted to make this personal. Chris wanted to make generalizations about me, like " you've done nothing to change in 40 years", when he knows NOTHING about what I have done, and what I've been through. And criticising me for being on this blog, when it is none of his business what blog I am on and what or where I post. He knows NOTHING about me, or what I think, or what I believe. I sincerely don't care what he thinks. Any comments he posts either to me, or about me, I will skip because his opinion really doesn't matter to me. As for everyone else, thank you for sharing your thoughts, stories, and opinions. You have all been very helpful.

john

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011

@jake, I'm really glad to see you turned things around. I'm also glad a bootcamp worked out for you. I would attend one if it was in my price range. I have been trying to gets things together to attend the Chicago seminar, but don't know if I will be able to. I will catch one at some point. And Chris was not "telling it like it is".

john

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011

@joe A.,,, you are absolutely right,, and you are making my point for me. Women ARE superficial about first impressions, JUST LIKE US. That is exactly what I have been saying. But you only get ONE first impression. If you don't make it past the first impression, you are already WRITTEN OFF. That is my point exactly. Thank you.

john

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011

Ok 1 more post and I'm done, @ Mel,,, no I'm not hurting. Things couldn't be better, except on the dating front. But thank you for the "digital hug"., sending one back. I really hope things turn out better for you than you think. The leg problem really sucks, but I'm sure you can pull through. And, no, I can't have a dog. My schedule is too busy to take care of one. I do have a big, lazy ass, furball of a cat. He doesn't need walking, so he's less work than a dog. I do love dogs though, and will get one when I can have more time for one.

David Wygant

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011

@Chris The average man does not live 100 years that would mean that some men live to 130 and others to 70 taking the average. It would be nice in your world to live to 130 so I can kick some ass for another 80 years!! Great mindset though that you have!

David Wygant

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011

@JOhn All good. Some great things to learn from everyone here. As I always said to you. The more you get this out the more you share the more you will learn.

Chris

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011

@ John.....!!! As you say people who don't see eye to eye make great discussions!! I laughed really hard when you said "FUCK CHRIS AND FUCK EVERYTHING HE SAYS" I don't apoligize for using curse words. I don't think anyone's soul was hurt. No one has been permantly damaged. I think everybody still has their eyes at the same vision (20/20)or (30/50). I think we should be more worried of negative beliefs and statements than curse words.....DOn't you think? fuck fuck and more fuck.... The world is still the same. No one has been tainted!!!lol John, I never said I knew who you are as a person deeply. Ofcourse not. I can only make the best possible guess of what I read from your post. And it still won't be right. I CAN say!! Though I CAN SAY that you have this terrible belief of women being ultra superficial because you say it in almost every post. Even the reply I got said it there. So thats true. Unless your lying! And this all just a big joke. I don't think so. So I assume you read everything I wrote. ANd yet you still cling to what you say you believe in. "I wish someone would prove me wrong(about women only being interested in physical perfection)...but I keep waiting)" No one is going to prove you wrong EVER!!!. ABOSOLUTELY NOONE!!! FORGET IT!! Its never gonna happen through some one else. 38 yrs it hasn't happened for you. It won't happen. Just You and only you can prove yourself wrong! GIVE IT UP!! Stop waiting Your right. I don't know how your life has been. I don't know if you did something terrible when you were younger and you feel guilty. If you did, forgive yourself and move on!!. I don't know if some else did something terrible to you. If they did, forgive them and move on! Whatever it is take care of it. Did you read the proposition?? at the end of my long post. It seems you chose to stay in your MATRIX of False ridiculousness and NOT CHANGE your belief of superficial women for the rest of your life till you die. Your choice!! Hmmmm....This will be the only deliberately mean thing I am about to say in my posts. I am glad I made and am making the change to realize my dreams. Reading your last post and seeing as how you respond shows me how lucky I am; because I could have been you If I didn't change. I am so happy that I won't be you John, in 20 yrs!!! You serve as a lesson for me. thank you!!

K Ennis

Thursday, August 4th, 2011

@John What you do you want to be? What is it in life you want to be? It isn’t until you love yourself, that others can love you.

sarah grace

Thursday, August 4th, 2011

@ john: lol it aint all about the looks. looks are a good thing tho, but every girl has different tastes. me, i've become attracted to men with such diverse looks...tall, short, lanky, fat, blond, redhead, brunette, white, black, asian, hispanic, blue eyes, brown eyes, geek, jock, you name it. it aint all about the looks. it's about who the man really is. i can learn to find him physically attractive if i already find his personality attractive. looks are just icing on the cake.

Chris

Friday, August 5th, 2011

@ Sarah Grace Are you saying that even if the guy is ugly. If you find his personality attractive you can learn to find him attractive. And vice-versa if you find his personalty ugly you can learn to find his looks ugly too.

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