How to Turn Her OFF All the Time

My assistant passed this on the other day to help all you men.

She actually couldn’t wait to forward it to me.

I’m want you to read it right now, and then I’m going to outline exactly why this is so creepy and wrong in so many ways.

This was written to my assistant, Amy, for those of you who have not met her.

Hi Amy, 

I met you at 21 West on Saturday night.  

Luckily, I had enough liquid courage in me at the time to actually speak to you. 

I believe everything happens for a reason, and I had a premonition I would meet you someday if it was meant to be.

I know what I said to you came from my heart.

I would have asked you for your number at that time but was not sure if you wanted to date or do a business dinner. 

I’m excited to learn you have moved to our city and would love to meet you for coffee or something sometime.

I travel so much for work, but I live here in the area.  

Let me know your number and if you’d like to talk or get to know each other, here is my personal contact info.

[Personal cell, personal e-mail] 

I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Jim

And then he puts a signature at the bottom with all his business accounts and all his other information.

So what’s wrong with that?

Let’s start with this line:

Luckily I had enough liquid courage in me at the time to actually speak with you.

Amy is not a drinker, so that’s just what she’s looking for: a beer-drinking alcoholic. Amy actually kind of gets turned off by drinkers.

So rule number one gentleman: never admit to a woman that you needed liquid courage just to talk to her. You’re basically telling her that you don’t have any fucking balls.

Okay, next line:

I had a premonition that I would meet you someday.

Okay, so he’s basically telling her that he’s masturbated about her several times and during his masturbating sessions he thought about meeting her.

It’s just creepy. Don’t do it.

Okay, let’s keep going. We’re getting to the good parts.

I would have asked for your number at the time, but was not sure if you wanted to date or do a business dinner.  

This is not an example of being conscientious of others, this is admitting to her that he’s fucking scared and fearful and couldn’t ask her out, so you decided to track her down through my website to go and find her.

Okay, that’s creepy remark number three or number four.  I’m losing count because there have been so many.

Then he puts in his personal cell and personal e-mail, really excited, then ends it with a ‘sincerely’.

Okay, gentleman, if you see a woman at a club or a bar that interests you, fucking go over there and talk to her.

Ask her out.

She may say to you, “I’m on a date right now, I can’t do it.”

But don’t tell her that you had a premonition you would meet someday; it just reeks of loser.

Never be a pussy. Never admit that you need alcohol to meet women. Just go ask her out.

It would be more endearing to Amy if a man would go up to her and say, “You know, I always wanted to meet you. I don’t really know what you’re about, but I’d like to get to know you more. Maybe a cup of coffee sometime.”

Step up to the plate, fucking do it. Stop thinking that there’s other ways to do this.

Stop coming up with reasons why you can’t.

Stop thinking about the magic ways to do it.

And just go and ask her out.