The way I look at things every single day is really simple.

Whenever I’m sitting next to somebody in a restaurant and I see them put their phone down, I see how greasy and disgusting their screen is. Well, they have been touching it non-stop after all. I watch people in the gym walk with their phone in front of them, almost like it’s a homing device.

I constantly see people on their phones non-stop. A few years back, I even dated somebody that slept with her phone under her pillow.

Phones Have Replaced Human Interactions

We’re out of control as a culture. We have taken our phones to whole new levels. Our phones have become our best friend, our relationship. We spend more time touching our phone than we do touching another human being.

We spend more time communicating with our phones, with Siri, about what to do.

Asking Siri where to go.

Asking Siri to help us.

If you don’t have an iPhone, you still communicate with your phone through voice texting and everything else. We have basically replaced human interaction with phones. So, the next logical thing to do is find out how to date Siri and how to have sex with your phone.

Today’s video is all about that. Well, today’s video goes a little far.

I’m going to show you how you can finally have sex with the one that thing that you have been spending so much time touching, feeling, caressing, and staring at. We’re going to go the other direction today and we’re finally going to see how you can have that full blown relationship with Siri or your phone.

How to Date Siri

Forget about dating other people, forget about anything. If you think about it, the phone will never reject you. You don’t need to get too vulnerable.

The only thing missing from the relationship you’ve been having with your phone is a little bit of sex, a little bit of intimacy.

Today, I will show you exactly how to make this work.

When I finally figured this out, I was really excited for all of you.

All of you that are constantly holding and touching your phone and staring at it when real, live human beings are around. I have finally figured out how you can have sex with Siri and have that relationship that’s never going to burn you, never going to hurt you and never going to disappoint you.

The only thing about Siri that will ever disappoint you is that her battery runs down. But, don’t worry, all you need to do is plug her back in again.

You need to watch today’s video, which is a bit controversial. It’s definitely rated R. And it’s not intended for children.

When you watch this video, imagine having that relationship you always wanted to have – a safe one with someone that doesn’t talk back. Wait until you see what Cerise does to me when I ask her… well, you need to watch the video to find out.