The following is a question I received during a recent bootcamp.

Josh: I’m curious about how you suggest following up with somebody you’ve just talked to that day – if you want to see that person again.

David: It goes back to gathering information. Remember when we were out on the street and I talked to the Pomeranian couple?

Josh: Yeah.

David: And then we saw them in Barney’s later? What did I do? What had I learned about them?

I learned what they do for a living. I learned that they are from LA. I learned about some neighborhoods that they really like (because I’m buying a house.) She told me about a real estate deal that she did and how she got through to the guy to get the best possible deal.

So how did I follow it up?

I already knew five or six things about them, so when I saw them in Barney’s the second time I remembered that they were from LA. I said to them, “what, so we don’t have a Barney’s in LA? What are you doing here?”

The woman responded, “oh my god, that’s so funny,” and then she started talking about why she doesn’t like the Barney’s in LA. We then went further in the conversation.

That’s what it’s about: gathering that information. Knowledge is powerful. If you don’t remember stuff, get a little recorder or a BlackBerry. I tell guys all the time to put notes in their phones.

Your memory is all you have, so you have to start using it to remember things about people. If you don’t remember something about somebody then it means that you didn’t connect with him or her in the first place. It’s all about connecting. It’s all about having fun and learning things about other people.

That’s why this is so important. As we just talked about, Howie, you have to draw out emotions from the other person. If you can elicit their emotions the first time, then the next time you see them you can go right into that emotion again.

Josh: How do you use emotion without constantly feeling like you have to amp up the emotional level? How do you just keep everything on an even keel and still be strong man? It seems like I have to keep amping up to the next topic.

David: That’s what we were talking about earlier, the overcompensation. I keep my energy high. When I talk to somebody, they know that I’m interested. When I talk to you, you all know that I’m really interested in what you are saying, right?

How do I do that? I change my voice tone just a little bit. You notice the way that my voice tone changes just a little bit every single time I’m speaking? I’m not speaking in monotone.

You don’t have to be over the top. I think that when guys first start to learn how to do this, they get so over the top. It’s like they have to climb over the mountain first.

What I do is just say, “wow, that’s so interesting.” It’s genuine; it’s about being authentic. Do you really give a shit about what the other person is talking about? If you don’t give a shit, then you aren’t connecting with them, and what is the point? Unless you’re trying to have some one-night-stand and you’re going to fake it with her for an hour, what’s the point?

Faking it for an hour and a half is what I find overcompensating. If you’re genuinely interested in someone, you will naturally be very interested in what they are saying. You’ll be having a good conversation because you will be connecting with them.

Josh: What about the topic itself? How do you keep talking about those emotional topics without petering out? Is it just your emotional energy level taking over?

David: It’s all about energy. You’re never going to peter out if the conversation is going well.

If you talk to some woman for ten minutes and you do start petering out, you have to say to yourself, I would rather give the best two or three minutes of myself 100% (and tease her a bit with how amazing those two to three minutes were) than continue and half-ass it.

Make the determination: do I like her enough to ask her out? Then you have to do something. If you’re at a mall, say, “you know what? You and I need to go fill this bag,” or, “I’m going to call you. I have to go meet my buddies right now, but give me your number. I’m going to have you a call and we’re going to get together.”

This is how you build upon it. Sometimes you think that you have to talk to a woman for such a long period of time, but in reality all you have to do is give her a couple of strong and powerful minutes of yourself. Intrigue her and tease her a little bit and then get her phone number.

You can then get your energy back a little bit and call her up on the phone later. You’ll then have a conversation based on some of the things you talked about the first time you chatted. Does that make sense?

Josh: Yeah. But in this situation, when we were talking to the tri-athletes, I’m thinking about what you’ve taught me so far, and I wanted to say, “I have to get back to my friends, but I really want to finish this story sometime. Give me your number and I’ll call you…”

David: Exactly! Let’s say she hadn’t yet find out the results of her race. Say to her, “give me your number, I want to find out the results.” After doing a triathlon, she’s probably craving sugar or carbs or whatever, so say, “after you find out the results, we’re going to get together and carb out.”

Make it fun! Make it an adventure.