That’s the sound of millions of men all over the world slow-clapping.
Why?
WEDNESDAY PODCAST IS BACK.
And this year, we’ve got tons of great wisdom and insight for you.
Like today, this second day of the new year, we tackle the topic of becoming a more attractive man to the women in your life (and the ones you haven’t met yet.)
Find out how! Listen below:
About David
1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.
I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.
Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.
Awww, I was just funnin'. We always rass the newbie where I'm from. Toughens 'em up. And you know what they say, It ain't the size it's how you use it! I'm sure opie didn't get his feelings hurt too bad.
solid podcast. The most important part in my opinion is the hello exercise that shit changed my perception of reality for real. haha took me out of my shell pretty damn fast. It really is about the foundation
Hi David and Obi
Happy New year guys. Great to have the podcasts back :-)
I just want to say thanks for the great advice on this podcast. I have a lot of goals year, both personal and professionally, but i have been very negative these past few weeks. Honestly! - i have a lot of your products, but i have been too damn lazy to go back and use them.
This podcast was the Big Kick in the ass i needed. I got a lot of work to do on myself if i want to achieve this year. But as u said small steps to build that foundation.
U are more of a life coach rather than just a dating and relationship coach.
Thanks again
Kind Regards
Nishan
Yeah.. You need to get out there and challenge yourself.. That's true.
But.. If you're short, fat, and have an ugly face... You're going to get used to rejection pretty fast, because that's all you're gonna get.
Success with women still comes down to looks.
Alright! I don't even know where to start here.... so I guess there's really no point in starting at all.
But I really want to say something, so HERE IT GOES:
After looking up and watching a TFL video, I have to say that 1, it's not all that bad / not nearly as bad as some people here are making it to be, 2, they DO actually make some good points, and 3, I can relate to some of the things they say.
LET ME EXPLAIN MY #3 STATEMENT FROM ABOVE FIRST.
Before getting to an explanation, I will let you all know that I've only watched ONE video. Therefore, I'm making all my following judgments based off the one video I've watched. (I guess that explains my #1 from the above paragraph.)
Now here's my explanation for my #3 statement. As someone who is on the autism spectrum, I know precisely what it's like to be "born wrong" and be bullied, rejected, and pushed aside simply because my brain was made to make me naturally WANT to do all the WRONG things when it came to social situations and meeting women. I'd naturally do things that I'd see as normal while everyone else would see as odd/weird. HOWEVER, I also understand that not everyone has dealt with or even knows that these type of mental disorders exist, so to the outsiders looking in it's easy to be condescending and hateful to those who have had hard times and are lashing out because of a lifetime of being tormented by non-compassionate people. This is why I don't take either side because I can see where each side is coming from. One side trying so hard to get things right within society and becoming bitter due to failing all their lives regardless of how hard they try to change themselves to be the way they are supposed to be in order to gain acceptance, and the other side whom doesn't have those issues to deal with so they believe it's no big deal and people can "just get over it" or "man up" or magically change everything by "thinking positive" because they themselves can easily get over their version of life's problems.
Even worse, I'm sure a lot of people with aspergers/autism spectrum disorder, social anxiety disorder, or anything of that nature aren't even aware they have those things so they have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA why they can't make friends, can't attract women, or can't understand the rest of normal society, etc. So they blame it on looks, money, and other things OTHER THAN the real issue - which is personality and confidence - and make those other physical things more important than they really are. What I'm getting at here is that I believe some of those people making the TFL videos SURELY have some type of (diagnosed or unknown/undiagnosed) mental disorder that's causing them to be the way they are, which is what's causing them to have extremely low success rate with women (or people in general).
I was once in that position of not knowing why things were the way they were before I finally discovered that I had both aspergers AND social anxiety disorder exactly a year ago. It was also exactly a year ago when I was ready to end my life and even researched the required height for a successful suicide (but never went through with it since my fear of death still exceeded my pain of life). It was this situation when I locked myself in a room for four days and was so pissed about life that I didn't want to see or speak to anyone when my mother and best friend realized something was wrong. I also sent my best friend an email of the exact details and location where I was planning to end my life (the high rise airport parking lot) and...
...ok, this is a long story. To sum it all up, as a result of this, my parents ended up helping me get into college and told me I should at least do this to feel as if I've made some accomplishment in life.
Well........... A lot has changed over the past year. How I got over social anxiety is too long of a story to post here so I'll skip that. aspergers/autism spectrum disorder is incurable for life so I'll forever be stuck with that.
But I WILL say THIS: I went from being scared to talk to anyone and not having any clue what to say or do around women (outside of PUA material I've learned) to... well, being able to approach, meet, and start conversations with ANY woman I desire, regardless of looks. HOW this happened? Well.... if anyone wants to know they can email me since how I changed is a long story and I've already typed enough. This doesn't mean I'm the most successful guy here - obviously I still have some issues because after all, I am on this page. But I did notice that with my success came confidence; As I practiced my social skills and got myself out there, I got better, and the better I got, the more confidence I gained. In return, it caused a lot of women on campus to quickly become attracted to me and quickly feel comfortable around me. It got to the point where a whole bunch of people were wondering how I was able to approach, start conversations with and meet anyone I wanted and both students and college administrators couldn't understand why I ALWAYS (seemed to have) had a girl walking with me ALL the time. I actually had people who hung out with me so I could show them how to meet women and even the type of people who would normally bully someone like me couldn't bring themselves to look at me funny more than once because they were too busy wondering what the heck I was doing to attract so many girls. I myself couldn't believe it because the prior 30 years of my life I was the COMPLETE OPPOSITE. It was like a new life experience not being able to walk through any part of campus without running into someone I knew or having someone (mostly females) yelling "hi" to me because I had approached and met so many people.
I do have to give credit to people on the Social Anxiety and Autism/Asperger pages of facebook because THEY were the ones who inspired me to get out there and push myself to change and not give up. Every time I went out and tried something just to prove that their lives weren't hopeless, I unknowingly helped myself - which, in a nutshell, was how I ended up changing.
There is so much more I want to say, but.... I guess I'll just wrap up with this for now; I'm still not perfect. I still tend to mess up with / lose women because of 1, being too nice (still working on my "bad boy" skills), 2, not knowing the proper way to text, and 3, because I tend to think differently from most. Other than that, women (now) find me interesting, outgoing, and funny.
It's a good thing that I managed to change/improve my personality since this is THE MAIN THING women are attracted to in a guy. Money, looks, and those other things don't hurt, but the fact that those things are the MOST important to women is a myth that society created based on a misunderstanding... Since men go by looks and women go by personality, men don't necessarily have to be good looking to be hot.................
JUST TO GET ONE THING CLEAR:
Yes, I do have aspergers/autism spectrum disorder. However, I do not act like Sheldon Cooper of Big Bang Theory and although I have a 3.5 gpa, I'm also not as smart as Albert Einstein or Isaac Newton (although my ways of thinking and overanalyzing IS probably just as complicated as all three of those people).
Ok, they seriously need an "edit option" on this page! Excuse whatever typos, grammatical errors, and poor sentence structures exist in my previous post since I didn't proofread any of it.
But I need to explain what I meant when I said this earlier:
"Every time I went out and tried something just to prove that their lives weren’t hopeless, I unknowingly helped myself – which, in a nutshell, was how I ended up changing."
What I meant was I went out and tried things that other people on the facebook Social Anxiety support page would complain about being afraid to do and post my results just to prove that the outcome isn't always nearly as bad as they would think it might be. As I did this I became more confident and "accidentally" overcame social anxiety and my fear of rejection. There's a lot more to the story, but that's the basics.
I'm no "hot" or "fine" looking dude, but I know I'm definitely not ugly so I cannot speak for anyone who believes they're ugly. I guess that places me in the "average" category.... which must not be bad since I've never gotten complaints about my looks. But I can say this; Stephen Hawking was married 3 TIMES!!!!!!! MARRIED! This surpasses just being able to talk to a girl or get a few dates! (Look him up on google if you're not familiar with him on The Universe episodes from the Science and Discovery channels and once you see what he looks like in his photos, that WILL give you some hope when it comes to your beliefs on whether or not you can get women the way you are!)
Anyway, I've got to get some sleep and get off of here. Before I go, I want to say this; I went from being socially anxious to becoming "charismatic, fun, and interesting" to a lot of females I talk to. When I approach and start conversations, I just take whatever's happening at the moment and turn it into fun, stimulating conversation. People still consider me weird because they think it's weird that I approach and start conversations with anyone I meet and have the ability to instantly take a woman's hand or establish some form of physical contact with them from the get go. They think I'm "overly confident" because they could never imagine speaking to strangers, or starting a conversation with one. What people find the most weird is that I use NO pick up lines and no compliments. I just go with the intent to learn about the person I'm speaking to and enjoying the moment with them and brightening their day (since I know women love it when a guy comes out of the blue, stops them, and gets them involved in a fun, flirty, playful conversation). In other words, I fixed my personality and that changed the way I look, lol. I guess I could go to the gym and get a little more muscle definition, etc. but I'm sure none of that would get me anywhere without personality skills.
I never dreamed that I'd develop a skill like this within my lifetime. Luckily I chose life over suicide because 2012 was the year my life changed and my social and dating success came about. And here I was a year ago thinking "I'm already in my early 30's so I might as well give up."
Although, I will admit, being popular with a bunch of females can get you friendzoned. I know, it's ironic. However, I don't think it's the popularity. I need to stop coming across as so damn nice!
But if someone is fat they can join a gym and fix that part of them - sure its going to take a while, but either something is worth working for or it isn't.
This is one area i got handled in 2012 - for 2013 for me, its fashion.
John,
in a way, you are absolutely right. The solution seems to be to become famous, in one way or another. It can be on a local level...just try to get your name in the newspaper, and I don't mean by robbing a bank. It really doesn't matter what you look like, as long as you exude some sort of authority. Chicks dig authority. In the end, they all look for a man who dominates them. They might not even know it, but that's how it is.
No... I know plenty of guys who aren't famous who do fine with women. I know plenty of short guys that do fine with women. Plenty of fat guys. Plenty of not traditionally good looking guys, who do fine.
But a combination of all three (short (meaning under 5'10), fat, and ugly) is a recipe for rejection.
I'll tell you who has it EXACTLY right..
It's the "true forced loneliness" guys on YouTube. If you haven't seen these videos on you tube, go there and search "true forced loneliness".
These guys have real hatred for women, and society in general.
I don't agree with that. But what they say about how women only care about looks, and how loneliness is FORCED on you, by women, if you weren't born meeting their definition of what attractive is.
I don't agree with these guys anger, but I know where they are coming from.
Oops.. I didn't finish a scentence..
I meant to say that their opinion on how women force loneliness on you if you weren't born meeting their definition of what is physically attractive.. is correct.
John-
Cut it out already. Seriously. You act like you are missing a limb, horribly disfigured or have herpes. You don't. Can you imagine how those people feel? They want love too.
Ugly men get chicks all the time....and they are not rich. Have you ever been to a Walmart?
Quit it. My god.
Just out of curiosity, I checked out some of those 'True Forced Loneliness' videos on YouTube. What can I say. You only have to watch one of these videos for about five seconds to understand why these guys cannot find a woman. It has nothing to do with their looks, or their length, or their complexion. The one and only reason these guys are single is because they behave like three year old kids who don't get what they want. Rants and whining fits usually stop at the age of 5, but these guys got stuck somewhere along the line. No woman wants a child, no matter how fat or ugly she is. Heck, I bet these guys do not have a lot of male friends either. Who wants to be around someone like that...
Oh yeah.. those guys are nuts. and sad. Like I said, I don't agree with their hate, and anger... but I understand where the're coming from. That is what rejection after rejection after rejection can turn you into.
But they are right when they say they are rejected because of looks. Initial attraction is looks.. personality, confidence, etc. doesn't come into the picture until later.
I'm so happy to see the triumphant return of Podcast Wednesday! And I totally get the concept of foundations. I have to rebuild mine, and I'm on my way to getting my confidence back! Soon I will have a part-time job either at Staples or teaching esl (depending on the interviews today and tomorrow) and later this month, I'll be taking a copywriting course. Now I just have to muster the will to stick with it, and go as hard as I can.
Initial attraction is looks....for MEN.
Look at a guy like Jim Norton. Ugly fuck. Gets laid all the time...because he's funny. And he did fine with ladies before he got moderately famous. Same can be said for every goofy-ass looking guy in my improv theater. They all get laid and have girlfriends because they are funny.
That guy I met the other night? Goofy looking as all get out. Mix of white Prince and Bruno Mars...and you know what?? Aside from a text saying that he 'can't wait to see me again, sooner rather than later ;-)'.....I haven't heard from him! Who knows if I will? Am I getting blown off by the love child of Morgan Freeman and Sally Field?? Quite possibly!
And he's a goofy ass looking mother fucker.
See? It takes all types. It's the swagger. The confidence. It's proven that the first thing a woman will notice about a man is his smile. First thing man will notice about a woman is her tits....who comes out ahead?
So, you can keep whining that no one wants to play with you or you can be a leader and figure out how to start your own team.
Very good. And very true. I know a lot of guys who I would consider good looking, but when I talk to them...zzzzzzz...I fall asleep. I think to myself these guys probably have never had one moment of fun in their lives. In addition, if your face is too pretty, the assumption often is that you are gay. After all, a real man is rough, sort of. In the end, I think there is not much of a difference between what women are attracted to, and what attracts men to men. Everybody likes funny guys, guys with an edge, guys who speak their mind, guys who take risks, guys with a little bit of a dark side. Wimps and whiners are not welcome...
I think looks do help sometimes to get women. But I notice many women take the "ugly" more often than not. And thats probably for 2 reasons I concluded. One is because they don't want someone who is better looking than them to have as a partner. The other reason is because if the guy is to good looking than many other women will be after him. Making things difficult in the relationship. So in other words the "ugly" man has more of an advantage than the "good looking" man.
Michael,
you are spot on. That is the truth, and nothing but the truth. I could give you a thousand examples of where I see a good looking woman with a guy who makes me think WTF does she see in him ? Most of them are boring as hell as well. But they marry these guys. Because they are stable, and reliable, and a guaranteed paycheck for eternity. If the guy is too attractive, they know he probably won't stick around.
Omg, we cannot be having the 'ugly' conversation, can we?? Name one 'ugly' woman (aside from Greta whatshername on Fox News) who is successful. Yet, I can't even watch Stepbrothers because John C Reilly is so freaking unattractive. There are 'ugly' men all over the TV from Danny Devito to John Malkovitch to Richard Nixon to Will Ferrell to James Gandolfini. Shall I go on?
Even if you are a 'fat' chick you must at least have a pretty face.
Using the excuse that you are too freaking 'ugly' to get a woman is flat out bs. Maybe you are too boring or too lacking in confidence. That coupled with ugly? Yes. Forget it.
Even CARROT TOP gets laid!!! Every time you are feeling bad about yourself, look at a pic of Carrot Top. Please.
In the looks department? Women have it way harder. Hell, with all the porn you dudes watch, I am starting to feel like I am undateable unless I have a bleached asshole.
Ugly women who are successful...
Sarah Jessica Parker (face looks like a horse.)
Rosanne Barr
Rosie o'donnell
Sandra Bernhard
Hilary Swank
Shall I go on?
Hey Melissa, at first I thought you were joking with "Carrot Top"... :/
I've never heard of this guy before, until I typed it into Google!
Man, what the hell has happened to his face, let alone his hair.. :/
John-
My point is....they weren't ALWAYS rich and famous, duh!!!! But, despite their looks, they had enough confidence, humor and smarts to GET famous.
Think they didn't get laid on the way up?? Don't play stupid. Guys with the swagger get the jobs, the money AND the girl. Hardly ever in that order. Why? Because usually, unless a man is unusually smart, he doesn't have the confidence to get the promotion, the raise, the next gig, whatever...unless he is already making it with the ladies.
Again, duh.
Well... the actors you mentioned aren't really even all that ugly. I am FAR uglier than any of them you listed.
My face is RUINED, my ears stick out, my nose is too big, I'm not tall...
I noticed all of those guys complaining on the "true forced loneliness" videos all have the same thing... skin scarred and ruined by severe cystic acne.. just like mine.
No woman will ever go for someone who looks like me, 14 years of being alone are enough to prove that, so why bother anymore? What's the point of worrying about it? I'm FORCED to be alone anyway.
Screw it.
John, you also need to get yourself a role model!
Watching "True forced loneliness" videos is only reinforcing the negative self image you have of yourself.
What actors do you like?
John, please quit with the excuses!
If you focused on your positive traits you may actually build some confidence and get somewhere.
"My ears stick out" - I mean, come on John! What are you going to say next, "I've got two eyes"...
You've got to help yourself John! You are the only one who is responsible for your life, start taking responsibility!
SJP and Hillary Swank are NOT ugly. Jesus.
Rosie was super cute when she was younger and starting out as a comic.
Sandra and Roseanne are exceptions.
For every ONE ugly chick you can name, I can name 5 men.
So...get your skin laser resurfaced. That's a thing. But I am also still not buying it.
At least if you are going to be alone, be happy about it? Because it's still your decision.
Whoa! .. what do you mean it's "my decision?" Do you think being 40 and alone is MY decision? Do you think being alone with no one for the last 14 years was MY decision? When women refuse to acknowledge me, look the other way when I walk by, ignore me when I dare to speak to them.. how is any of that by MY choice?
Oh, and laser resurfacing? That costs thousands and thousands of dollars! Thousands that I don't have. And my dermatologist told me not to bother with it because the damage is so severe, it probably wouldn't even help!
And you're right.. it is a "thing". It's the thing that ruined my life. It was passed to me by genetics. Was that also my DECISION?
Give me a break!
Yes. I find Hillary Swank so Hot; Million Dollar Baby. I love athletic chicks. And Sarah had a great bod in Sex and The City.
Wanna know ugly guy and yummy girl? Remember hillbilly Bob Thornton (sp?) and Angelina Joilie?
John- your attitude is your decision. I know plenty of seriously pock-mocked men who date. Men with eye patches and genetically malformed arms and legs. All date and find love.
You are alone because you have decided that you are not worthy, whether you want to believe it or not.
You give *us* a break, please.
I dunno. My attitude has gotten pretty damn negative lately. I admit that. I guess I'm just in a funk over being 40 and spending another holiday season alone. I'm pretty pissed off, and in a "fuck everything and everyone" mood. Plus, I'm stuck working tonight, and I'm gonna have to work saturday night too. I never get out anymore.
Fuck it. I'm just pissed off.
John, you are completely entitled to be pissed. But staying in permanent 'pissed' mode is useless and unhealthy.
I have a gf who has become like that over the years. Angry, bitter....and has actual hate towards other people. I know I piss her off because I'm not broke, not fat and am attractive enough to meet men. BUT- she could be allllll of those things. It's a choice to wake up every day still fat. It's a choice to wake up every day still broke.
She needs to make different choices for herself. At the very least John, you could decide not to be angry tomorrow.
I had a friend that I had to dump because she was such a bitter bitch. Bitched on her blog constantly about how a dog bit her in the face when she was a kid (she does not have a scar) and how her parents never took her to swimming lessons and how she's never tried roller skating--um, so sign up for a lesson at the local YMCA. I'm talking beyond having depression and low self esteem--she would start an argument over something stupid at every get-together and then would lament on Facebook about how people were un-friending her and un-following her site.
Melissa,
Your girlfriend who is angry and bitter...and has hate in her heart toward others, is a match for John! Maybe you try and hook those two up sometime...lol :)
John,
I'm over 40 and single, and I'm having more fun talking to women than ever before whether they be single, married or friends. This is not to say I would date a married women, I would not, but I enjoy talking to all kinds of women! I was a quiet guy in my youth. I did a lot of listening but not a whole lot of talking which is why I didn't date much in my youth. But I built up friendships with women over the years and more recently I have been expanding my social network!
You may not realize this John, but the likes of Melissa and the rest of us would like to see you happy someday! :)
Omg. I watched some of those videos last night, the True Forced Loneliness guys.
Haha.
You realize that I could flip it and rant about the same thing? How I never get approached by men because I'm 'too intimidating' and don't meet people unless it's married liars from the Internet? That I'm forced to be alone because every man who I have been attracted to enough to sleep with has some kind of bizarre porn addiction and cannot connect with me and have sex like it's a wonderful, sensuous experience and not an Olympic Event? That I'm forced to be alone (along with all my single girlfriends) because men just don't know how to treat a woman with caring and respect any more and see a relationship as a series of transactions so.....unless we are all willing to go through life standard free, we are 'forced' to be alone.
Bullshit. These guys? Jesus. Focusing on their looks like that's the problem. None of them were even all that hideous! They just want to literally offer nothing....no looks, money, personality even....and get a woman. What a sense of entitlement.
You realize this is very very different than years ago. Years ago, a man wouldn't even think to try to marry unless he could provide a home for his wife and future family. Duh. That was his job. Just because a man doesn't 'need' to provide as much these days (and men should be relived about that) doesn't mean he gets to what.....offer nothing?
What a bunch of crybabies.
And note: to all the guys in the vids? Maybe you could get a woman if you fixed up your house a bit. Slobs.
Bullcrap. Women never even talk to those guys, and never come back to their houses, so they have no idea that their places are dirty, so that wouldn't help.
But anyway..
Like I said, I don't agree with their tactics, and their hatred.. But I do understand their frustration. Their complaint is that women never even get to know them, because they are instantly rejected solely on looks. ... I know where they are coming from.
The bad thing for me is that I am uglier than ALL of them... So I'm REALLY screwed.
How about Robert Davi (The Profiler), Danny Trejo, or Ron Perlman ? These guys are ugly as hell, but they exude...masculinity. I bet they are pure fun to be around. Just think of yourself as the hottest and sexiest thing that has ever roamed the planet. Talk slow, walk slow, smirk, just ASSUME that all women want you. Good things will happen...
I didn't even know TFL was officially a movement. Interesting. Anyway, rants and fits should be reserved for kids under the age of 6. Unfortunately, many grown ups have not succeeded in shedding their fluff (is that the correct expression ?), and continue to whine when they can't get what they want, or what they feel they deserve. There is no conspiracy, there are no odds stacked against you, there is just...you.
The one crucial thing the TFL guys are missing is a sense of humor. Lighten up, tell a joke, make a funny face, but stop the nagging...
Hans.. those TFL guys are nuts. I don't agree with their movement. I only stumbled onto their videos because I searched something like "what to do if you're lonely on New Years" or something like that.
When I watched it I thought "this is sick, sad, and a little pathetic... but I can totally relate. " . That was the only reason I brought it up.
I had never heard of TFL, either. So I watched some videos and some of these guys have a repulsive feature that can be corrected if they weren't so lazy and ignorant. One of them, Dwayne (who appears to be well known in the TFL community) is so obese he looks like a bean bag with a head sticking out of it. Another guy very obviously had no teeth. And they wonder why women won't give them the time of day? Gimme a break. Stop shoving the Ho-Hos down your throat and take control of your health.
Pam- I am seriously considering dumping my friend too...but she has no one. And she wasn't always like this! But, she's mean to me sometimes...literally mean. Which always throws me.
Those TFL guys are a trip, huh? The guys I saw were not that awful looking. I didn't watch that many because I've spent enough of my life already listening to loser men spout nonsense ;-)
Yeah, it's a tough decision to make...my ex-friend still has tons of friends...no surprise, many of them have the same negative outlook as she does...what you are is what you attract.
Anyone remember the big goon who played "Jaws" in that James Bond movie? His wife was beautiful and he had something like 4 or 5 adorable children. I remember there was a feature on him in People magazine during the 80s or 90s.
Also, I like John C. Reilly! To the point where he's actually attractive me in some roles, maybe because he's funny and talented.
Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh who is 61, married 35 year old Kathryn Rodgers who is pretty good looking. She is Rush's forth wife.
I'm not considering dumping any friend, I already did that last year with a married friend of mine who wanted more from me than friendship and I eliminated drama that I don't have to deal with anymore.
I don't always agree with this law of attraction, people from all aspects of life can like you, it those who you choose to allow into your circle. Some people change, so you have to change too, Melissa, dump the friend who is mean to you likewise Pam dump your friend who has that same negative vibe! You will not regret your decision!
I'd say Kathryn is a little better than "pretty good looking".
I have to admit.. when I saw a picture of Rush and Kathryn together.. the first thing I thought is "money really CAN buy ANYTHING."
No offense to ElRushbo.
I have never once posted anything online.....ever. However after reading the following posts from john, I'd like to provide some insight. John, haven't you ever heard beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Really breaking it down to its simplest form, it truly is. Also, at what point do we as men and women stop "having things happen to us", but start MAKING things happen. At what point do we "man up" and take responsibility for where we are in life? It's called attraction for a reason. Do yourself a favor and google Sean Stephenson. Talk about a guy who has every disadvantage according to societies perception.
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is just something people tell ugly people to make them feel better. (Sorry.. that's the truth.)
And I have heard rumors for years that Sean Stevenson NEVER gets anywhere with women, and all of the women in his ads and videos are paid plants... that's not confirmed, but I hear that a lot.
John- you still haven't heard what I've been saying and what new guy up there have been saying.
Men judge on looks.
Women judge on personality.
Period.
Work on that.
That's total B.S. and you know it.. lol.
Whenever someone tells a woman.. "there's a guy you should meet." , no woman says, "ooh.. what's his personality like?"
"Women judge on personality"... that one cracks me up everytime I hear it.
Give it up people, the only person that can help John, is John. No matter what you tell him, his mind is made up on how the world works. Until something sparks another way of seeing the world for him, that's the way it'll stay.
let him believe what he wants and put the time you've been putting trying to help him by working on bettering your own lives. It'll probably be more productive.
And John, I'm not trying to insult you or whatever. I'm just telling it how I see it. When you stop being angry at how unfair the world is, then a lot of people here seem willing to help you...
And did I say you asked for it? Other people are trying to help you regardless. The message was for them, not you.
No, you never said the world should be "fair" either. But that's the general theme of what your angry bitching always seems to be about. Even though I think you're right, beauty DOES play an important role, but I don't think it's a hopeless situation.
John,
Rush is a radio guy, he talks for a living, this is why he connects with women, although he has trouble keeping them once married...lol
Your assumptions are nothing more than building a straw man to knock down. I have a friend who is currently dating not one, not two, nor three, but four women. He lived with one them for 7 years and she was married. He is not that good looking and he doesn't have a lot of money. You might say, he's a player, and you are right, but he is looking for that someone special.
The women he dates are gold diggers. He has fallen in "love" with one of the girls. I seen her, she is beautiful and she is married with kids. She is a gold digger, there is no romantic interest in their relationship. She broke up with him on New Years eve, only to get back with him 3 days later. When a woman uses a man for money, she has no romantic interest or that interest is very short lived. Only one of the girls loves to have sex with him while the other 3 do not. The other 3 of course are using him for his money which he has very little of. But for X-mas, he didn't buy any of his kids gifts only his grand kid. He bought presents for that girl whom he fell in love with. You see what is happening? He is trying to please her with what his money can buy, there is no connection, no chemistry. She has no interest in his family, his kids. They don't have sex, but he will text her "blush" when she sweet talks him! His friends say leave her, he says they are jealous. Do you really believe, John, money attracts beautiful women to ugly guys rather than a connection? The gold diggers will often look for guys they are attracted to have sex with while using the other guy for money.
I think money doesn't hurt. (Or fame.)
Rush met Katherine at an NFL event. (I forget wether it was a game, or another event of some kind. Katherine works for the NFL.)
Now seriously.. Look at Rush. If he didn't have the number 1 most listened to radio talk show in America, didn't live in a west Palm Beach mansion, wasn't incredibly rich, and incredibly famous.. Do you really think he could've gotten Katherine?
Seriously?
Again, no offense to Rush. He's a great entertainer, and a funny guy. He's not only confident, but UNBELIEVABLY arrogant. But do you honestly think his money, and fame didn't help?
C'mon.
I ask 'what's he like'....when someone tries to set me up.
Meaning, is he fun? Funny? What does he do? What's his back story?
Because...if you ask 'what does he look like'...it doesn't matter. The answer is always, 'brownish hair, brown eyes (I think), average build. Maybe like 5'10? Not sure how tall he is...."
People suck at describing people.
So now, I just ask, "Seriously. Can you see the two of us together?" Sadly the answer is always no...because most guys who are single in their late 30s or 40s are no-fun lumps.
I think in the end, why a woman selects a man is not really that much different from why a man selects a man to be his friend. Looks are totally secondary. What you want is energy, the ability to have fun, an edge, ambition, a willingness to take risks, a can-do attitude. All that makes a person worth your while. When I ask 100 guys if they are in on that kayaking trip, on the ocean, at midnight, under the stars, how many do you think will show up ? Most guys are utterly boring. I started my own business a few years ago, one of the reasons was that at least I could choose the people I work with myself. I was really getting depressed by guys talking about retirement and pensions, at the age of 40 (!). They make it sound like all their fun times were when they were in their twenties. I guess it's a long and lonely road down to the coffin...
Hans.. Looks are primary the first second two people meet. All that other stuff comes into play AFTER you have passed the "looks test."
I'm not saying that you have to be born with perfect looks or anything. But you CAN'T be overly ugly. (I think I am... Just based on experience, and the looks that I get from women.)
Hey guys,
I brought the DW mastery series in 2011 and its very solid and benefitted me a great deal.
I wanted to ask you guys and trainers the following question:
I'm 23 and saving up to go back to university in October 2014 (I dropped out of my business degree. I'm going to study/major in Electronic and Electrical Engineering at 25 and graduate at 28.
I also have other qualites: I'm reasonably good looking, I go to the gym, I have good social skills, I play sports to a high level, I'm learning to speak different languages and I travel once every year. I can also cook and I'm intellegent.
My goals are to date women of similar age to me (23-25), however, many women have degree's by 23 and I want to know whether they will dismiss me because of my graduation age, although I have the confidence to take an engineering degree and there is a lot of potential career wise.
As David said, women want stong, confident, interesting men who can lead. I have a lot of qualities to offer as outlined in a previous paragraph, but will they put off by the fact that I'm graduating at 28 and think I'm not 'equal' or low in status because these women will have degree's and be working in a professional capacity?
Comments on this will be very much appreciated.
Ricky
Problem with being 23-25 and wanting to date your own age is that most women that age want an older guy, so unless you can whoo some 19 year old, it'll be pretty tough finding someone.
Ricky, I have a friend who is married. (All my friends are married.) He has never been to college. He started a landscaping business. His wife has a Bachelor's degree, and is now taking night classes towards her master's degree. She is a politician. (She is on her city council. Elected, and just won re-election.) She also works in healthcare.
She was never put off by the fact that he had never been to college. (Disclaimer- they did go to high school together, so it wasn't a "cold approach" type of thing.)
Anyway, the point I am making is that if women like her aren't put off by a guy who never even went to college... I can't IMAGINE why any woman would be put off by your graduation date. So, you took a break from school... SO WHAT???
My experience is that most women admire that I have enough ambition to return to university at my age ( I'm in my second year and turning 30 this week ). Women love guys who have ambition.
JR and John, thank you for your replies.
I see so many beautiful office workers that I think, why would they be attracted to a student? They are slighly higher status than me, which makes me feel I have less value than them.
I would also love to date Indian women, who are very sensual looking, but since they get married around 27-28ish they are looking for a successful man in return.
Hey John, thanks for your reply.
I've read your messages and you seem to be in a 'curfew'.
I would like to help you.
Working out and lifting weights seems a good thing to do as this makes you feel better about yourself a good body is always attractive.
Getting a good style, hairstyle and grooming is essential as this conveys yourself in a way.
Check your body language, posture, facial expression and voice tone when talking to women, as these non-verbals can say a lot.
There are many places to meet women, such as joining various clubs, societies, participating in activities, going to the bar, shopping, having a wing can also help.
I will be back for more and I hope this helps.
Good luck.
John-
I don't care what he looks like!! At ALL. Just not super fat. A super fat dude cannot keep up with me. I never ask that question because what's the point? They can't tell me if he has big sexy hands or an eye crinkle or hair that sits perfectly on the nape of his next and will make me drool. They can't tell me if he will light up when I walk in the door and look at me each day like I am Christmas morning....can they?
Believe what you wish about me John. The only time I got approached in 2012 was on NYE and we drank, chatted, kissed at midnight, told me he couldn't wait to see me again, texted a couple times on NYD and.....I haven't heard from him since.
And he was a goofy-ass looking mofo. No joke!!!
364 days a year? Don't get approached. Being pretty and put together is a confidence killer for men.
I was listening to Joe Rogan's podcast the other day and Dom Iterra was on. He was talking about all these model chicks he used to be able to land at the Comedy Store in LA because no dudes would ever talk to them and they were always alone. It's not LA here in Michigan, but it may as well be for me. I would score huge in LA because I would be the ugly fat chick ;-p
Hans- you are dead on. That's the main reason I got divorced. We were living a death, my ex and I. Just existing. That's alllllll he wanted to do. It was a horror show for me.
But...it appears that this is most men. Lifeless slugs who still expect you to be all turned on by their flaccid, Seussian bodies. Move a muscle, dudes. Dance. Sing along. Get some fresh air. PLEASE stop watching porn and get a real live woman.
Ricky-
Funny, I just went out with a guy (also named Ricky) who is a student...but he is 47. He is one of those 'always in school' types. And he's studying to be a PA! And his mom lives with him...and he's super Catholic, so three strikes. But I digress.
I would say...you can date as a student if you can still take a girl out. You cannot date if you cannot pay for said date. If you are broke, you get a part time job and create a 'dating fund'. This is why women don't want to date students when they are not students themselves. The girls who have graduated are able to work and go out and have fun....not sit on your couch and watch movies.
John,
You use circular reasoning. Did Rush become famous and popular on the radio because he was rich? Did Al Gore's tv channel flopped because he was poor and a nobody? Did lol
Your right, Rush had to go out into the world to meet someone who eventually he fell in love with and married. However, despite being popular on the radio and being wealthy, Katherine who had a great job of her own, didn't walk up to his door asking him for a date and then marriage...lol.
He talks for a living, he knows how to connect with people which is why he became famous. His money didn't buy him fame, he didn't go on some reality tv show to make a fool out of himself, and then start a radio show!
Melissa, I'd like to know your thoughts again on this post please.
I'm naturally attractive to women, but my confidence has zapped out of me because of dropping out of uni and I know women don't want a loser. Especially professional women, and I will be highly educated and a professional, but that is a bit later.
I'd also like to say that when I was 19, I did date 2 older women who were 23 and working in a professional field, they liked my ambition and maybe because I was young and healthy which in turn made me confident. I was achieving well academic wise.
At 23, the situation is totally different, however, I'm still young, healthy and ambitious, I've been called charismatic and I still believe I can date professional women. I'm very confident going up to a women. However, the student thing is worrying me a bit, I do work, so I can take her out on a date, but nothing extravagent.
Ricky- I have no idea what you are asking me.
Find a girl you like. Approach her. See if she's interested. Tell her your situation. She'll either still go for it or not. The End.
I'm 38, Ricky. Students are not my thing (unless it's a night time MBA program or something...but even then I avoid it because that guy usually doesn't have time for a relationship).
I cannot tell you what a 23 year old woman will or will not be interested in.
Dates don't have to be fancy. You just have to go on them and pay. This is the biggest mistake dudes make these days. Thinking that they should get women and have sex without dating and romancing. There's this sense of entitlement or this thought that women are just as horny and interested in sex as men. We are not. I think over the last few years young girls on reality tv, online, etc have learned to promote an image that we are super horny just like men. We're not. But...we've learned to portray this image because FINALLY we were getting attention from men (much like a time you don't recall, the 90's, when women started making out with each other in clubs).
Over time, men have been socialized to believe that we are equals in all ways and that we are just as grateful as they are to get our body parts touched. We're not.
That's why you will be king of the dating world if you actually listen to what David says (especially in his post about kissing) and learn to build attraction....which includes taking a girl on dates a romancing.
Whew. That was a tangent.
Melissa,
It's not that us guys feel they are entitled to sex or that we think that they are as horny as we are, it's just that guys don't want to put in the work to romance and woo her for sex, We just want to get straight to the point, we're lazy.
Guys should pay more attention to how things were done in the old days. They were polite, lead the way, paid for the date and walked her to her front door not expecting anything other than another date. 95% of men today don't have that kind of patience.
I think part of the reason why they don't have that patience is because too many sluts put out on the first date, and men can now expect it. There's a great book by Wendy Shalit called "The Good Girl Revolution" which explains how sexualized our society has become and how it's hurt women who want respect from a man, an actual relationship, and who aren't interested in one-night stands or giving it up on the first date.
Pam
That's true, If a guy gets it on the first date then he can expect to find someone else who will do the same thing.
Men do want to respect women, we don't respect the ones who spread thier legs on the first date. It's weird. Women are better off holding out. Waiting 3 dates to have sex is way too soon IMO. Sure you are excited about this person and the chemistry is great but you'll both have something to look forward too later.
Guys have this thing about women "Dress like a slut, get treated like a slut" Same as "Act like a child, get treated like one"
Speak for yourself kevin, I've had 2 women who I had sex with on the first date and I have a TREMENDOUS amount of respect for them. One ended up being a long term relationship, the other just didn't work out.
Spreading their legs on the first date isn't the issue. It's how many times she's spread those legs on first dates...
I mean really, if you both want to have sex, why wait?
good for you jr, i'm happy for you.
why wait?
simple...you won't have anything to look forward to but to each thier own, if you want dessert, eat it first, then your dinner. why wait?
Kevin- yes!
Pam- yes!
Even David is totally against one night stands ...but these guys trying to learn from him don't follow the logic.
I am not a fan of blaming women for being sluts though...there aren't THAT many sluts where any man can have his pick any night of the week. But, women have gotten dumbed down to the point that we accept really stupid behavior as okay.
And the fact that I want respect is the reason I'm alone, I'm certain. Dated plenty of assclowns who would have kept on dating me if I put up with assclownery.
Oh, I'm not so sure, Melissa...online dating sites and Craigslist are full of women just looking for sex.
Steve Harvey actually tells women in his book to have a 90 day rule--don't have sex with a new man for 90 days! Even I think that's way too long--but his point is, he wants to help women find someone who's serious about a relationship and respectful. I wish I could remember his saying now that he says all of the time on his talk show...so instead I'll copy and paste this one from his book: "When it comes to women, that plan is always to find out two things: (1) if you’re willing to sleep with him, and (2) if you are, how much it will cost to get you to sleep with him.”
And I do respect David highly for telling ladies on the women's blog to make men earn their vagina.
Pam,
I agree w you.
I don't want to find women wo will give it up on a first date. I'm looking for a woman who will give it to me with great pleasure & willingness after we know each other. That is the bext sex. But I also like relationships. I'm not relationship-phobic.
So Pam, did you join Match again? I haven't yet. Still trying to find a man analog style. And I need to get more updated pics with the brown hair...and...I'm kind of not ready to face Internet dating again yet. I've been off since October thereabouts...think my system hasn't been cleansed yet. Wish I had a 'Restore My Faith in Men" reset button.
No, Melissa, and to be honest, unless I get a feeling within me telling me to go on it and it feels right, I won't be bothering. I'm still on OKCupid; haven't had any dates since before Christmas and I could care less. I would like to meet someone in person, too.
Did you hear that?
101 Comments | Join the Discussion!
bob
Wednesday, January 2nd, 2013
ernest
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
Mike
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
Mike
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
bob
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
Jorge
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
Tim
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
Nishan
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
John
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
Spectrum MAN!
Sunday, January 6th, 2013
Spectrum MAN!
Sunday, January 6th, 2013
Carl
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
Peter
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
john
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
john
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
john
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
Melissa
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
Peter
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
john
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
Brandon
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
Melissa
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
Peter
Friday, January 4th, 2013
John
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
Michael
Friday, January 4th, 2013
Peter
Friday, January 4th, 2013
Melissa
Friday, January 4th, 2013
john
Friday, January 4th, 2013
john
Friday, January 4th, 2013
Ben Hunt
Friday, January 4th, 2013
Melissa
Friday, January 4th, 2013
john
Friday, January 4th, 2013
Ben Hunt
Friday, January 4th, 2013
Ben Hunt
Friday, January 4th, 2013
Melissa
Friday, January 4th, 2013
john
Friday, January 4th, 2013
Melissa
Friday, January 4th, 2013
Jorge
Friday, January 4th, 2013
Tim
Friday, January 4th, 2013
Bobby
Friday, January 4th, 2013
john
Friday, January 4th, 2013
Melissa
Friday, January 4th, 2013
Melissa
Friday, January 4th, 2013
john
Friday, January 4th, 2013
JR
Friday, January 4th, 2013
Melissa
Friday, January 4th, 2013
Pam
Saturday, January 5th, 2013
Mike
Saturday, January 5th, 2013
Melissa
Saturday, January 5th, 2013
John
Saturday, January 5th, 2013
Hans
Saturday, January 5th, 2013
Hans
Saturday, January 5th, 2013
john
Saturday, January 5th, 2013
Pam
Saturday, January 5th, 2013
Melissa
Saturday, January 5th, 2013
John
Saturday, January 5th, 2013
Melissa
Saturday, January 5th, 2013
Pam
Saturday, January 5th, 2013
Mike
Saturday, January 5th, 2013
john
Sunday, January 6th, 2013
Drew
Sunday, January 6th, 2013
john
Sunday, January 6th, 2013
Melissa
Sunday, January 6th, 2013
john
Sunday, January 6th, 2013
JR
Sunday, January 6th, 2013
john
Sunday, January 6th, 2013
John
Monday, January 7th, 2013
JR
Monday, January 7th, 2013
Jorge
Sunday, January 6th, 2013
Mike
Monday, January 7th, 2013
John
Monday, January 7th, 2013
John
Monday, January 7th, 2013
Melissa
Monday, January 7th, 2013
John
Monday, January 7th, 2013
Hans
Monday, January 7th, 2013
John
Monday, January 7th, 2013
Ricky
Monday, January 7th, 2013
Kevin
Monday, January 7th, 2013
John
Monday, January 7th, 2013
JR
Monday, January 7th, 2013
Ricky
Monday, January 7th, 2013
John
Monday, January 7th, 2013
Ricky
Monday, January 7th, 2013
Ricky
Monday, January 7th, 2013
Melissa
Monday, January 7th, 2013
Melissa
Monday, January 7th, 2013
Melissa
Monday, January 7th, 2013
Mike
Tuesday, January 8th, 2013
Ricky
Tuesday, January 8th, 2013
Melissa
Tuesday, January 8th, 2013
Kevin
Tuesday, January 8th, 2013
Pam
Tuesday, January 8th, 2013
Kevin
Tuesday, January 8th, 2013
JR
Tuesday, January 8th, 2013
Kevin
Tuesday, January 8th, 2013
Melissa
Tuesday, January 8th, 2013
Pam
Tuesday, January 8th, 2013
jorge
Tuesday, January 8th, 2013
Melissa
Wednesday, January 9th, 2013
Pam
Wednesday, January 9th, 2013