Recently one of my female clients (and friends) sent me the following IM session, and she asked me to publish it so that men can understand that this doesn’t work! Before you read the IM session, let’s talk about what not to do, because the IM session that follows is the classic case of a caveman trying to have sex without seducing and intriguing a woman’s mind.

It is unbelievable that men still think that they can instant message a woman, and immediately suggest perverted acts without even setting the scene and seducing her. The man who uses the technique of the GEICO caveman and the chap below are the same type of man, ladies, who won’t do ANY foreplay with you. It’s all about him getting off.

Most men just don’t seem to get it. The way to seduce a woman via IM is to do a slow, verbal tease. It makes for a lot more fun, and it turns her on a hell of a lot more than the caveman below. If you want to learn how to successfully seduce and intrigue a woman via instant messaging, then you need to stay tuned for another blog down the road.

Today’s blog is to read what transpired between my reader and the GEICO caveman. Everything that this man did in this instant message session is 100% wrong! Enjoy . . . and this is not for the faint of heart. You’ve been warned!!

MH: wassup
SK: Just got home from a LONG meeting . . . wassup with you?
MH: tv
SK: Anything good on?
MH: naw
MH: u
SK: I haven’t even gotten to turning on the tv yet 🙂
MH: still wanna hookup?
SK: Maybe . . . what do you have in mind??
MH: crazy f&%*#ing
SK: A lovely thought . . . but not for tonight 🙂
SK: R u up for anything slightly more tame tonight?
MH: bj is less
SK: No . . . not quite less enough for me tonight If you are still up for
the kissing/cuddling thing however . . .
MH: finger?
SK: huh?
MH: can i finger f#$^ u?
SK: Um…I don’t think so tonight …
MH: can i lick?
SK: If you’re up for the kissing/cuddling with a possibility of a little more, then I’m in . . .
MH: how bout i put my penis in your mouth
SK: exactly how is that different than a bj???
MH: i dunno
MH: sounds fun though
SK: I’m sure it does . . . I’m still waiting to see if you’re acceptable to my offer …
MH: what is that?
SK: the cuddling/kissing thing . . .
SK: long pause there – thinking . . thinking . . . 🙂
MH: i want u to make me cum somehow
SK: hmmm . . . well, I guess that would depend on how much
you enjoy the cuddling/kissing 😉 So… it’s a possibility I guess 😉
SK: Long pause again … you seem unsure . . .maybe you should think about
it and get back to me 🙂
MH: how?
SK: how should you get back to me?
MH: how would u make me cum
SK: well . . .
MH: how
SK: I’m sensing a theme here … OK well maybe next time we’re together
I could reach down while we’re cuddling . . . 😉
MH: jerk me off?
SK: it’s a possibility . . .
SK: Are you still up for the kissing/cuddling part?
MH: yup
SK: So . . . what are you thinkin’?
MH: i can beat my own meat
MH: lol
SK: Hmmm . . . sounds like you don’t need me then 😉
MH: u need to be a little more compelling
SK: Look, dog in heat, I don’t mind making out and cuddling
the first time we hang out . . .
MH: do u wear a bikini
SK: huh?
MH: do u wear a bikini
SK: why do you ask?
MH: curious
SK: Do you?
MH: no u
SK: Not unless I’m at the beach …
MH: u wear one though?
SK: yeah . . . when you and I go to the beach, I’ll wear
the littlest bikini so you can see my ass 🙂
MH: do u wear one
SK: enough with the bikini . . . you’re boring me
MH: simple y/n?
SK: yes i wear a bikini
MH: kind of underwear
SK: no . . . i wear the big granny underwear that you
find in the 99 cent bin at kmart 😉
MH: what kind?
SK: red silk grandmother panties . . . that’s what I wear 🙂
MH: ok
SK: ok?
MH: what kind of underwear
SK: [no answer] MH: i have an idea
SK: What’s your idea?
MH: we can shower
SK: I’m already clean 😉
MH: wanna do that
SK: no I don’t want to shower . . . my offer
of cuddle stands . . . final offer
MH: shirtless for you?
SK: fully clothed in the grandmother flannel . . . I don’t trust u 😉
MH: time do u have to get up
SK: 6:15-6:30 ish
MH: do u want me to bring condoms?
SK: what part of cuddling do you not understand?
MH: just asked if u want me to bring them
SK: thanks . . . but no . . . cuddling means cuddling
. . . cuddling doesn’t mean humping
MH: titty f&^%?
SK: [no answer]

Even after all this, and even after she said cuddling (which by the way she was not going to do anyway because she didn’t trust him), he still persisted and asked if he should bring condoms. The key to any successful flirting is to listen, and obviously this GEICO caveman does not listen!