Dear David WygantThis week’s Dear David comes from Dan. He ran into a situation most guys find themselves in at one time or another. Having a one-night-stand with a girl he doesn’t want to see again. Here’s his email and my response…

“Dear David, I met this girl the other night at a party. She was really attractive, and after a few drinks we ended up going back to her apartment and having sex. The trouble is I knew right away I didn’t want to see her again, but in the morning she said she couldn’t wait to see me again, and could we meet up next week. I said I’d see what was happening and would ring to fix something. How can I let her down gently?

She’s a nice girl and I don’t want to hurt her!”

David says…

So you did. She came over. You had great sex, but afterwards you realized you never want to sleep with her again. What do you do?

First, she probably  thinks your relationship is going somewhere.  Some women think when a man has sex with them, they automatically want a relationship. Women are just wired that way. So here you are. You thought you liked her, but you don’t want to see her. It’s that “Oh no” moment guys have sometimes. 

It’s funny I can’t even have a one night stand now, because when I tried it years ago I remember thinking, “Oh no, this is wrong. I don’t want to do this,” midway through sex. I knew she wasn’t right for me, and I literally stopped and talked to her. I said, “I’m really sorry. This is just a one night thing for me.”

She actually responded very well. She said she was happy I’d explained it, and was amazed I stopped in the middle of sex to tell her. We continued to have great sex and had an amazing one night fling. But that’s not really how I’m wired. I’m not a “fling” kind of guy. But I know a lot of you have one night stands, and that’s fine. But you need to follow one night stand etiquette most guys totally ignore.

Here are three ways to let her down gently after a one-night stand…

1. Don’t make her feel like a whore – If you realize you don’t want to see this woman again that’s fine, but don’t make her feel cheap. Hold her after sex. Make her feel good. Let her sleep over the night. Don’t kick her out. If you’re at her house, don’t leave 5 minutes after you’re done. She’s going to feel like a hooker, and no woman wants to feel like that.

2. Don’t promise her a relationship – Don’t tell her you’re going to call her if you’re not. Don’t tell her you’re going to take her out again if you’re not. Sit her down and be open with her. She’ll appreciate your honesty, and you won’t keep her hanging. It’s not fair to do that to a woman. 

3. Be a gentleman about it – The next day or whenever you leave, give her a cuddle. Tell her you had a great time. Then be honest about how you feel. You need to tell her she’s a great girl. Buy you’re not there emotionally for a relationship right now. Maybe tell her you’d love to be friends if you like her enough as a person. The main thing is that you tell her to her face. Don’t text her or send her an email. If you don’t tell her up front she’ll be telling her friends during the day about this “new boyfriend” she’s dating. Then she’ll wonder why you’ve suddenly gone cold.

The real message here is be a man. You got caught up in the heat of passion. You don’t want to see her again, but treat her like a human being, because that’s exactly what she is.