Funny Sayings
By David Wygant

No dating talk today. I figure all of us need a good laugh after 4 days of family and turkey leftovers!

Just one question . . . Where did all these crazy sayings come from? Have fun with this and enjoy!

1. For Pete’s Sake!: Who’s this Pete . . . and how come everything’s always for his sake?

2. Heavens To Betsy!: Who’s this Betsy . . . and how come everything’s always heavens to her?

3. Betty Crocker: Who’s this Betty Crocker . . . and how come she gets to bake all the cakes?

4. Milton Bradley: Who’s this Milton Bradley . . . and how come he gets to play all the games?

5. Heavens To Mergatroy!: Who’s Mergatroy . . . and why is he the only one allowed in Heaven with Betsy?!

6. Let Me Be Frank: Why can’t you let me be David?

7. Holy Waddell Canal Batman!: What the f*%^ is a Waddell Canal?!

8. F*%^ Like Rabbits: Have any of you ever f*%^ed a rabbit to know what they f*%^ like? Am I missing some rabbit porn that other people have seen?

9. Hung Like A Horse: If you were really hung like a horse, you’d need a third leg in your jeans.

10. Bartles & James: Who are these Bartles and James guys, and why do they get to drink all the wine coolers? On the other hand, who cares because who wants to drink one of those anyway?

11. Scared Shitless or You Scared The Shit Out Of Me: Really? Can I check for skidmarks? Did you shit in your pants??

12. Are You Shitting Me?: Yeah . . . I woke up this morning and I shit my friend Fred out of my ass.

13. Born Again: Born . . . again? OK. What happened? Did you climb back in your mother’s womb and then were born again? Boy, that must have been painful for her!

14. For The Love Of Pete!: Man, that Pete is one special guy. Not only is everything for his sake, but also for his love!

15. Go To Hell In A Handbasket: That must be one uncomfortable ride . . . although the destination doesn’t sound so great either.

16. Great Scott!: Why can’t it be “Great Tim!” or “Great Bob!”?

17. Gung Ho: I’ve met people named Chin Ho and Mary Ho . . . and my sister’s a ho . . .

18. I Have A Bone To Pick With You: Fine. What about a rib? Why am I going to take a bone to pick you . . . is it a big bone, a small bone, a boner?

19. Laugh Your Ass Off: If you laugh your ass off, then what do you laugh with . . . your pubic bone?

20. Lip Service: Lip service is great . . . just don’t give my any of your lip. I don’t want someone else’s lip. What do I want someone else’s lip for?

21. Mums The Word: Is Grandmum mum too? How about Stepmum? Is she the word too??

22. Don’t Give A Rat’s Ass: Do you really want to touch a rat’s ass? In order to give it . . . you have to touch it.

23. It Is Better To Give Than To Receive: Aw c’mon now . . . we KNOW you like to receive!

24. Nothing To Sneeze At: If you learn how to sneeze on command, go for it.

25. Eager Beaver: I always wanted an eager beaver, ’cause I really like women who are really eager . . . especially with their beaver.

26. Another One Bites The Dust: Another what bites the dust?

27. Hold On A Sec: C’mon now, think about this. Someone tells you to ‘hold on a sec,’ and by the time they say it and push the button, it’s already been a sec and they didn’t come back!

28. You’re Full Of Shit!: Oh great. I just went to the bathroom and someone’s telling me I’m full of shit. How do they know I’m full of shit? Are they inside my colon? Do they know something I don’t know?

29. F*%^in’ A!: How about f*%^in’ B . . . or C . . . or D . . . or E? How did “A” become so f*%^n?!

30. The Whole Nine Yards: What are you . . . a measuring stick? Were you a referee one time in the NFL? Obviously you didn’t do your job very well, since it’s supposed to be the whole TEN yards.

31. Until The Cows Come Home: They never come home . . . and don’t you have to find a rancher to get them to come home?

32. Tastes Like Chicken: If it tastes like chicken, then what does chicken taste like . . . frog?

33. Under The Weather: This never made sense to me. Where exactly under the weather are you? So if you’re under the weather and it’s 75 and sunny, what are you . . . 74?

34. Feel Like Hell: Have you been there?

35. Turn The Other Cheek: Great, so now I get to see both sides of your ass.

36. Tit For Tat: I’d gladly take a tit for a lot of things . . . but I’ve never had a tat to exchange for a tit.

37. Pulling My Chain: What if I’m not wearing my chain that day? What are you going to pull then?

38. Well I’ll Be A Monkey’s Uncle: If you’re a monkey’s uncle, then that means that your sister or brother has a monkey for a kid.

39. Rub Me The Wrong Way: If you rub me the wrong way, I’m going to show you the right way really fast.

40. Pooh-Pooh Something: What does this mean? Are you going to rub your own shit on something? That’s actually really disgusting!

41. Dagnabbit!: Where does this come from? Who is Dag . . . and why does he always get the nabbit?

42. Take The Cake: If you take it, then there’s none left for anybody else.

43. Done Like Dinner: Are breakfast and lunch raw?

44. As Far As You Can Throw Him: As far as you can throw him? When’s the last time you picked someone up and threw them? Do you have a weight limit? Since when did you become bionic?

45. Cheez Whiz: What’s that . . . a cheese taking a piss?

46. That’s What They Say: Who the hell are they . . . and why are they always recommending the same restaurants?

47. Houston We Have A Problem!: You don’t live in Houston and you’re not up in Apollo 13 so really, what IS your problem?

48. Hold The Phone: But I’m on my headset!

49. I Don’t Know Him From Adam: Does she even know an Adam?

50. Cool your Jets: What am I . . . an airplane?

51. Get My Drift?: What? Did I become a storm front all of a sudden?

The video today is very compelling. How to instantly seduce her.