I got an email from a friend of mine who is completely heartbroken. One of her best friends is a guy. They have been best friends for eight years. They are completely just buddies – she is like a sister to him and there is no sexual chemistry between them at all. She’s been friends with him through all of his relationships.

Now he has a girlfriend who has moved in with him and, all of a sudden, his girlfriend has started deciding with whom he is allowed to be friends. My friend is one of the people her friend’s girlfriend has forbid him to be friends with anymore . . . and he has agreed go along with this.

When my friend told me this and asked me what I thought, my answer was this: What is wrong with people?!

You have no right at all to ever tell your boyfriend or girlfriend with which people they can be friends. If you don’t like one of your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s friends, then don’t hang out with them.

My girlfriend has some friends that I’m not particularly fond of, and I simply do not hang out with them. What does it matter? They’re not my friends. They’re her friends.

That’s what makes her an individual. She enjoys them. I don’t need to enjoy friends of hers with whom I don’t particularly get along, just like she doesn’t need to enjoy friends of mine who don’t resonate with her.

When two people come together in a relationship, it’s still important that they remain individuals. You fall in love with someone because of the kind of individual they are.

The minute you start trying to manipulate or change the person you’re dating – whether it’s setting rules about what people they can have as friends, what they can wear or what they can do – that will be the beginning of the end of that relationship. It is disgraceful to do this.

Also, anyone out there who allows a significant other to dictate with whom they can be friends has lost respect for themselves. A relationship is about voicing your opinions. It’s about disagreeing and making compromises, but this is one compromise I would never make.

Another friend of mine was married for 17 years to a woman who I thought was truly the worst woman he could have married. Do you know what she did for 16 of the 17 years they were married? She forbid my friend to see his mother, along with dictating how he could act and reprimanding him for practically everything he ever did.

When he finally broke up with her, he didn’t know who he was as a man or what he stood for in life. He finally has a relationship again with his mother, and has realized that his mother is actually a good person. It was just all the negative chatter he heard over and over again about his mother from his ex-wife.

If you’re with someone who wants to control your life or wants to change who you are as a person, then it’s time to really take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror and realize it’s time to learn who you are. It’s time to embrace yourself so you can understand why you’re attracting people like this.