Personal SuccessThe other day a friend of mine went on a date with a woman he’d met at an online dating site. He didn’t know much about her, so he was looking forward to getting to know her. Within a few minutes of meeting, she started talking about how she needed to find some new work. He looked at her and asked, “Well, what are you doing now?”

“Nothing.” She replied. “I don’t do much of anything at the moment, and I live at home with my parents.”

My friend kind of scratched his head, not really sure how to respond. Even though she’d listed her age as 36 at the dating site, he figured she was probably nearer 45. He asked her how come she was still living at home.

“Well, I’ve had a tough couple of years.” She began. “I never like to tell guys I’m not working because whenever I mention it, guys seem to switch off instantly. It’s as if they feel they need to support me or something.”

My friend sat wondering who was going to support her once she moved out her folk’s home at 45 years old with no work. Suddenly she says, “Anyway, I’m not one of those people who spend all their dates talking about what’s wrong in their life.” She then proceeded to spend the next hour talking about everything that was wrong in her life, and why so many men had let her down in the past. So what’s the lesson here.

Well, the lesson for my friend was to make sure you know about the woman you’re going to meet from the online dating sites. Make certain you have some kind of chemistry in advance, and that they live the kind of lifestyle you can connect with. The real lesson here is to get your own life in order before you start looking for love. There’s nothing more unattractive that dating someone who isn’t working, who lives with their parents, and who doesn’t know what the hell they’re doing.

It’s fine having a plan. I mean, there are different kinds of unemployed. There’s the unemployed person with money in the bank, taking the time to figure out what they want to do next. Then there’s the unemployed person who is stuck in a rut, who has low self-esteem, and who pities themselves. Then there’s the L.A unemployed who do about 4 or 5 things at once, trying to figure out who they are, and of course nothing works out for them so they end up in a mess. If they just focused on one thing and got good at it they might end up with a career. But finding work isn’t really the point here.

It’s about having your life in some sort of order before you start trying to attract people into it. If you don’t have a plan, if you’re not working, and if you’re not productive in your day, you have no business trying to get dates. Have some sort of direction and ambition in your life. It’s not about having money or success. It’s about having some sort of goal and passion. It’s about having something that makes you jump out of bed in the morning, rather than going through the motions. Nobody wants to date someone who just floats through life.

Working on Building Your Self-Esteem

It’s also about your self-esteem. So many of you struggle with low self-esteem and it’s easy to see why. Just becoming a productive member of society is enough to give you a real boost. It goes back to something I teach in Men’s Mastery and all my other programs about self-love. The better you feel about yourself, and the more you love yourself, the more attractive you are to other people.

So, here’s your homework. If you don’t work, if you don’t have any direction, and if you don’t have a passion, sit down with a pen and paper and write down what inspires you. Write down all the things you love doing. What makes you who you are? How can you use that in your working life? How can you become more active in society? How can you become who you really want to be?

Don’t just float aimlessly through life. It’s time to start living, and not just surviving. Not only will you feel great and probably have more money, but you’ll also attract more women too! Win-win!