Get Out Of The Perception Zone

Men's Advice Mindset, Uncategorized

By David Wygant October 20, 2010 364 Shares

Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.

How reality driven are you?

Do you see someone and right away all you do is create a story about them?

Do you put people in a fantasy zone?

Life is all about missing perceptions.

What you think is never what lurks inside.

Listen today on how to get out of the Perception Zone.

Now, after listening to today’s podcast how do you feel? What emotions did I stir up? Put your thoughts in the comments section below. If you don’t feel comfortable leaving your name, just click the anonymous button below and your name will never be revealed.

Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.

About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

26 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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Daniel

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

The fact that David Wygant enjoys Dexter has just increased my faith in his lessons by about a million percent.

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Farley

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

Great podcast. I am going to download this one and listen to it over and over again on my mp3 player. When I see someone that I find attractive, and lets say, she has a pissed off face or she seems stuck up, I don't even bother approaching, because my perception is that nothing good is going to come from that anyway. And thus I miss out. Recently a good friend of mine told me to never assume what I think is going on underneath. Always assume that there is something else going on other than what is visible externally. He also told me every thought I have about a person, someone else is having the same thing towards me. So if I think a girl is stuck up, she might think that I might be stuck up for not approaching her. This friend of mine also happens to be very good with women. This is an area I am working on, about getting to know someone else, instead of creating a fantasy version of them. Just recently, I met this girl, whom initially at first I thought was stuck up( facial expression, etc). Once I got to know her though, she seems like a cool person.

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Andrew

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

Very good point. Your perception is always just your projection from your internal thought processes.

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Aaron

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

The of the best podcast I ever heard!

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Markus

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

I agree with the guys above, this is for sure one of the most valuable lessons of David on his podcasts. It is what the game is all about - INNER game. Putting a woman on a pedestal makes you lose energy and this immediately can be perceived by her. In her eyes, she probably can't explain what's going on, but she will find you less attractive. And here comes the paradox: Because it's a subconscious thing, women cannot explain it rationally what's going on, so they rationalize backwards. That's what we humans do when we have a subconscious perception. And they will find a reason to criticize you, but it will be the WRONG reason. The problem is that guys take this for granted and act upon it. It happened to a hot girl friend of mine, who was about to break up with her boyfriend because she lost all attraction to him. For years, he put her way up above. And what did she say to him? Things like "You never buy me flowers"! And guess what - he did it! Which led in turn to his attractiveness decreasing even more.

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Tony888

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

About perception though and what Farley said, it's just human nature that if you see a cheerful, friendly looking person, that person is just going to be more approachable then someone who has a scowl on her or his face. Or who walks around with her/his nose stuck up in the air. I remember a girl in college who was very cute when I'd see her around campus. But she always looked aloof and her nose was almost completely pointed up at a 90 degree angle with kind of a bitchy, snooty attitude. So I never tried talking to her. She had "Spoiled daddy's little rich girl primadonna" written all over her. What was she really like inside? Don't know. She might've been a great person, but I doubt it. My memory of her is still tainted years later by her outer snooty persona that created that perception. So how do people perceive you? It will depend a lot on what you project. A smile, a genuinely warm friendly greeting, a positive attitude and enthusiasm and living by the Golden Rule will go a long way in creating a postive impression of yourself to others.

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Tony888

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

As for putting people up on a pedestal and creating fantasies about them, I have my own experience from about 4 years ago that's exactly in lock step with what David and Markus said. There was this girl I'll call "Lindsey" who I had a major infatuation for and I thought I was in love with her. Bordering on obsession, which is kinda creepy I know. Anyway, I made the mistake of putting her up on a superhigh pedestal as if she was some kind of Greek goddess or maybe Helen of Troy or Dante's "Divine Beatrice." I was crazy about her from a distance without ever really knowing her well. A few months later, I was invited to her family's house for a late Summer block party kind of thing. I had been admiring her family a great deal as a whole too, because the general public perception was that they were great people, real winners, all Alpha Males & Females who were simply among the elite, yada yada yada. But I got a cold, hard reality check beginning that night & the next few months. "Lindsey" had her own problems. Contrary to my naive, didn't know squat beliefs, she did NOT walk on water. Her brother I found out was a bigot from the way he talked to this black girl who was also a guest. He talked about her and "your people" like they were trash. Her dad had a crude and brutal sense of humor, and her mom was a bipolar basket case. Her sister in law was estranged from her own mother because of a long history of fighting tooth and nail all the time. Lindsey herself, well, let's just say she had several "issues" as the PC police would say. Don't put anyone on a pedestal folks! They're NOT superior to you! They might be in a higher income bracket, but they have their own set of problems. Often a very BIG set of problems. They can turn out to be major assholes and losers in their own way. Never go around brown-nosing or ass-kissing people. Sucking up to them or whatever you want to call it. The public image people have is a facade they've put up, a mask they often hide behind. And you DEFINITELY give all your power away whenever you put people on a pedestal and idolize them and kiss their ass. Not only that, but people regardless of their social status just don't respect ass-kissers. They will not respect your obsessive, unrequited love and all the favors you do for them "to show her how much I love her!" They won't respect your needy, desperate ass-kissing, but they will take advantage of it. They will take advantage of you if it so suits them. Because they know they have dominance and power over you. The more you brown nose and elevate them on a high pedestal the more you act like the Omega male cowering up to them and rolling over & showing them your belly acting all submissive and inferior. I've learned my lessons.

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Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

What if you're on the other side of this issue? It's just as eye opening to suddenly realize you're one on a pedestal, and know it. You try desperately to break through someone's "idealized" version of yourself. It's frightening to know that although the interest is mutual, there's no way you'll live up to the expectations of this perceived fantasy.

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Bob

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

What a wonderfull podcast, and I couldn't have said it better. David, you nailed it this time. This is exactly what I was trying to explain about yesterdays podcast, (apparently in vane),in which David glorified, and put on a pedestal, Bret Favre, for his blog, about never giving up, and looking back at failures, in life. I tried to point out that yes, he was great football player, but was a terrible example to use, for motivational purposes, to his readers. He is good at one publicly visible, thing in his life, that David actually is aware of (football), yet, assumes he is great at perserverance and motivation. He plays football well, yes, but he is a lier, and a cheater, and makes terrible choices in his person life, betraying his wife and children, making irresponsible choices, which is the most important thing in ones life. As David says in this wise podcast, never assume someones outer apperance and public persona, is what really lies inside. You will often find otherwise once you do your homework, and learn what really lies underneath.

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Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

best podcast ive heard thus far..david helps me grow as a man. Im EIGHTEEN lol

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David Wygant

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

Hey Bob Thanks glad you enjoyed it. But i never ever glorified Favres personal life at all...all i spoke about was his incredible persona on the field and his amazing work ethic. As for his cheating. I have learned never ever judge anyone on there actions. See that is all about perception again. We have no idea if his marriage is great and if he is happy. See how often we make perceptions and judgements based on what we think is right or wrong and what we think is the way someones life is. We do this all the time. Thanks for the great post.

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Bob

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

Well, that is where out personalities, ethics, and morality differs. If someone is cheating, and lieing, to their spouse, no matter what the "situation" is, he is a loser, deserves poor judgement, and is someone whom I would never use in any motivational examples. You absolutely have to make judgements about people in life, to decide who you want to associate, admire, befriend, and model yourself after. Everyone makes perceptions and judgements, and there is nothing wrong with that. How would you decide who you want to be your friend, girlfriend, wife, boss, etc, if you didn't? As you said, in this great podcast, you shouldn't jump to conclusions, but do your homework, before you decide if that is a person you want to associate with and bring into your life. Well, I'm a survivor fan, and time to get to it. Have a great evening David, and all of your readers! We are all just trying to find the proper course and direction in our lives. I certainly do admire you, your idealistic views, but enjoy being able to convey my realist opinions, which some find right...and some find wrong.

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Nav

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

God I love you for this. Not a lot of people realize this, and I can tell how difficult it is to understand then explain the problem. Thanks for the great podcast :D

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Steve-O

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

David, Something really struck with me on this podcast, and i'd love to know what you think. Have you ever seen the movie Surrogates with Bruce Willis? Doesn't that movie really signify how different your perception can be from what reality is? The thought that everyone is just operating this mechanical phyical representations back at home in bed, is actually not far from reality. Accept instead of being back in home in their bed, they are just up in their heads. I think seeing it that way helps get rid of some of that perception.

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Kevin

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

As the old saying goes "We are all strangers until you get to know them"

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David Wygant

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

Hey It seems like all of you really loved this podcast. Can you all do me a favor and pass the podcast on to friends and anyone you can think of that can benefit from this. I did this podcast this morning on the fly and had no idea it would impact so many people. My in box has been flooded with emails all day from it as well. So pass it on and thanks!!

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Maggie

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

Very true! The illusions we can live in, in our thoughts, can be very powerful. I believe it's important to understand and not assume anothers life story. The only way to find more clarity is to get to know them. I also believe that all peoples learn at different rates so in order to love another as ourselves, as we are all in this together, I always try to see the lessons one can learn in all situations, in others life stories as well as mine. And we ALL have illusions of our own, about who WE are that we can throw in the trash..and get in touch with our true selves.:)

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Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

What an uplifting podcast and life lesson. A true LIFE LESSON. Thanks David!

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joe

Thursday, October 21st, 2010

perfect blog for my current situation!

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Thursday, October 21st, 2010

Story of my life pretty much. I really need to start reminding myself that I am the catch here and I don't need to put the other person on a pedastal in order for them to like me. It's a lot easier said than done though. Thanks David I will remind myself of your podcast the next time I come across the girl I am infatuated with.

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Chuck

Friday, October 22nd, 2010

So true, so good, another Wygant gem. Thank you again for sharing your wisdom!

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great stuff!

Friday, October 22nd, 2010

how do download this?

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Mike

Saturday, October 23rd, 2010

I love this podcast and also loved the tele-conference. This extravagant passion or attraction which ends up being a one-sided relationship that leads to a dead end. It's like listening to a voice on the radio and then structuring in your mind what this person looks like in terms of height, weight, and facial features. Eventually when one actually sees the radio guy or girl, he or she looks nothing like you envisioned. I applaud one of the members who admitted he was in that illusion for 12 years. What a hard lesson to learn but he has come out of it by learning from the experience as well as his experience with other women and getting solid advice.

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Zachariah

Wednesday, October 27th, 2010

Loved it. It was right on point, that's all I have to say.

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Bess Lozaro

Sunday, November 7th, 2010

Hey!, Very interesting angle, we were debating about the same issue at work and found your site very stimulating.

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Jamie

Wednesday, December 1st, 2010

Hi guys, what a great podcast and perfect time for me to be hearing this, ive only recently started meeting a girl who suits so so good in looks wise and does seem very nice but i know myself i want this so much with this person and im really not coming across as myself im trying so hard not to do this but when i meet her and im in the moment i cant help it, i do that self analysis bullshit in my head and completly miss what shes saying thus have nothin to talk about and the conversation runs dry. . . its driving me mad, i know this stuff but yet i keep messin up. or do i just think about it too much??

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