Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.
What are women most attracted to?
Confidence? Sure.
Power? Indeed.
Humor? Most definitely.
But a woman doesn’t want you to be Jim Carrey and bust a bunch of jokes. She wants to have fun with you, and the man that knows how to enjoy himself in the company of women, is going to be a successful man.
In today’s video, I talk about how to have fun when dating and some fun things to do with women.
Watch and enjoy:
Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.
About David
1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.
I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.
Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.
Playfulness happens to be the best card in my deck! I've always been a huge goofball, but I've upped the ante on it ever since I realized exactly how powerful playfulness is.
The game I play the most often is the Name Game. If I remember her name and she does not remember mine, I win, and vice versa. Then we decide what the stakes of the game were. One girl agreed to buy me a drink at a bar for losing.
My favorite game is bumper car dancing. When I am out in a crowded dance (most of them are), I say "I've only had one dance tonight without bumping into anyone. Think you can be my second one?". Then I fling her all over the place and point out whenever she narrowly misses someone. I haven't met anyone who is immune to this game yet.
My second favorite one is playing ManCoach. Finding a shy beginner hiding in the corner at a dance, trying to give her tips on how to attract guys, and checking up on her to see if my advice worked / how many cute guys she's met.
I still suck at approach and social skills, but I'm making up for it by getting dangerously playful.
I think bowling dates are awesome. The fun potential is endless. Get like 3 games a piece and play at your own pace. Bowl, talk, laugh, celebrate, console (gutter ball!), eat. Can't beat it, whether you're good or suck. Mini-golf is good too. Save the dinner dates for another season.
You are in when a woman can say, "You are really fun to be around."
I just got another GREAT one: dancing with two women at once :). My date and her friend were stuck on the dance floor without a partner, the poor things, so I decided to be a pal and give each of them a hand. Then I surprised myself as much as I surprised them. Turns out I really CAN handle two women at once! I never thought I had it in me but sometimes I catch myself off guard.
Fun times.
Often I take a walk/ride my bicycle in the parks nearby as there have several bicycle and walking paths.
Nice relaxing exercise, loads of fresh air, and other people around to observe-- doing their own thing.
Yes women there too enjoying the outdoors.
Maybe similar to Central and Washington Parks in NYC . Lotsa FUN things going on
allover.
Bottom line. Great place to take a date and it doesn't damage the pocketbook very much!
From a woman's perspective (well, this woman)...
I prefer relaxing with a drink and seeing some comedy or even coffee and talking. Getting to know you. I would hate being invited for a bike ride for a first date...how are we to talk? And I am French, and though I am in shape, I will end up sweating, my hair will get even curlier and I will not be happy.
Mini golf and bowling can be fun, but....ugh, they are just not very romantic. And I am competitive and I will win and that always goes over badly. I don't do well in situations where I have to fake losing. Or act dumb like I need help choosing a ball or holding a club or other cute moves that seem girlish and winsome.
On the other hand, what about skeet shooting and then some beers in a dive bar? Or horseback riding with a bonfire at the end? Snowboarding with a hot tub and a hot toddy to wrap up the day? See where I am going with this? You have the adventure up-front and the chance for romance/bonding to wrap things up on a nice note.
The best date I ever went on went like this:
We planned to spend the day together. He picked me up for lunch, had flowers and a mix CD for us to listen to in the car while driving because he had all these adventures planned. We had lunch and then went to an outdoor wine tasting. After that, we changed and went to dinner (sushi) and then he slow danced with me in the parking lot because I mentioned that I couldn't remember the last time I slow danced with a guy...
Anyway. I wished I liked that guy. I had never been treated so well in my whole life. But, there wasn't anything there. Probably why he tried so hard in the first place. And that's a shame.
So...do THAT, dudes. That was AWESOME. ;-)
He showed he paid attention to all the things I liked. He took charge. He made it exciting, interesting and romantic.
Oh Chuck...
He was very geeky and not all that attractive. I was trying to push past that and "make" myself like him because he was so sweet, so thoughtful...after the day long date, I felt I "owed" him anyway (this was my feeling, he didn't make me feel this way). So, despite not being into it, I went for it...
And then, there was the micropenis. Yes. A true to life, first time encounter with the micropenis. I have never felt sadder for any human being, ever. Honestly. It was truly the most awful, saddest, awful experience.
Ooh, skeet shooting + snowboarding hot tub + horseback bonfire. I like these because they are sensual.
I'm taking a hike this weekend. She revealed her favorite hiking trail to me early on so I just used that info to my advantage. Plan A is biking to the trail. Plan B is car drive with some great Andean background music - still working out the logistics. I will pack a backpack. Definitely with food + drink. My stretch goal is bringing two portable hammocks so we can relax in our lunch break. If she wants an after party I could give her a bike tour through my neighborhood after we get back. I'm getting smarter about these things :)
She's a self declared tomboy who has taken bucket showers and enjoyed it, and has bragged about her bike, so I doubt she will be squeamish about biking. Actually if I meet a woman who gets skittish about her hair when we are biking or rummaging through the woods, that is a BIG turn off for me - probably a deal breaker.
Well, that sounds like fun too.
BUT- from my experience, a lot of women do a lot of "mirroring" (aka "I like what you like")...hence all of these supposed rabid female hockey fans. Don't buy into the hype all the way, all I am saying.
And, FTR, I am not skittish about my hair. I just have about 17,000 pounds of it and it's naturally curly. If I am going to be racing bikes around or running through the woods or anything of the sort...there better be a shower waiting at the end for a re-do if we are going to go out to dinner or something. Not like I am a princess, LOL. It's literally that I need to refresh.
Melissa,
Comedy show on the first date (we are talking about first dates, right)? How can I get to know you and build attraction if "he's" the one talking to you and making you laugh? Coffee and talking? Sounds like the interview/ resume date David discourages.
I've never done an all day first date. I think it's too much.
I'm interested in attraction, fun, and getting to know each other on the first date. Not romance. The guy that gave you the best date ever, you didn't even like him.
Mar-
How are you going to get to know me if we are riding bikes together? Or rollerblading? Seems weird to me. Like a buddy activity.
I guess I didn't realize that David discourages the coffee date. I don't mind chatting over coffee. In a cozy atmosphere, it's nice.
You have to have an underlying tone of romance or fire to catch a spark. A lot of these activities are things I would do with my kids. This is making me think, for sure.
I like the comedy club because you get to see the guy's sense of humor. You are laughing together and that's fun.
Oh, the guy I didn't like, that was our 3rd or 4th date...I was really trying to like him because he was so nice. A date like that would have flipped me out had it been the first date. Too much.
Though, one portion of it would have been fun for a first date...like the wine tasting event. That's nice.
As far as faking losing, acting like you don't know how to choose a ball or use a club, really? If he needs all that, he's a weak, insecure dude unworthy of a second date.
Melissa,
I definitely wouldn't want to ride bikes or rollerblade on the first date. And, no activities that would cause us to sweat.
Me n my girlfriend's first date was bowling actually. On the phone, I asked her what she likes to do. She didn't come up with much (her daughter said she never did anything before she met me...LoL). We had a blast. We stretched those 3 games to 3 hrs. Most of the time we were talking. The atmosphere was great. The DJ was great. The main lights were off while the disco ball and special effects were going. Lots of people from 7 to 70 having fun. We ate, high fived each other for strikes/ spares, and laughed at each other for bloopers. Made fun of others (well, I did.....she's too mature to that :) ) Sparks were definitely firing away.
I loved that adorable first date Mar.. :-)
Bowling is an awesome date.. I went bowling with my fiance after maybe the 5th or 6th date..We had so much fun!! I get all excited and giddy when I score and do a little happy dance loll I totally beat him too..He loved it, it was not competitive at all, just fun. His excuse was he was too busy checking me out when I would turn around to bowl..aw haha
I also remember having a hard time finding the "perfect" ball..I am so picky with the right size and weight, and he helped me find one :-) It had leopard print too..so me..lol
LOL Mel! :-) :-) I am not ashamed to admit it, I am a real girly girl type, with a leopard handbag to match ;-)I laugh a lot and love to have fun...
Aw I think guys love all different types of girls as long as she is authentic and really feeling good in her own "skin"..
Nathalie-
See? You're THAT girl!! GigglePops!! That cutie-pie cheerleader type with a leopard print ball.
Good for you. That's the girl every dude wants (in my head, anyway).
Mar-
That sounds like fun, in the dark with the disco ball.
You don't know how many guys have emailed asking to bike ride, do yoga or (horrors!) work out together! Holy moly! I will NEVER work out with a man. I literally equate working out together to using the bathroom with the door open. Because I work out hard. I use weights, kettle bells...I sweat like nuts.
I know some dudes would love that....but *I* would be uncomfortable being that sweaty. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind sweating for other reasons. But usually there aren't any uncomfortable wet clothes involved. ;-)
I don't get what it is with men and wanting to work out together. Ugh. Might as well ask me to shower with you on the first date as well.
Melissa-
My gf and I have a membership at the same gym. We go together sometimes but we don't work out together. I have my routine and she has hers. But, for a date? WTF? Perhaps if I was a personal trainer....I don't know. Maybe they were trying to impress you with the yoga, work out suggestion. Or, if it was in your profile as an interest/ activity of yours, I could see them attempting to connect with you in that way.
"I don’t get what it is with men and wanting to work out together. Ugh. Might as well ask me to shower with you on the first date as well."
Ha, I never thought of going to the gym as a date activity before. I get the reasoning though. It's pretty physical and suggestive - seeing each other grunt and sweat and him getting a chance to show off his manly upper body strength. Not relevant for me though - I made a new year's resolution in 2012 to quit going to gyms and I stuck with it :). Gyms are so boring and uncreative.
OMG, don't even get me started on showering together! Me, I'd pick showering together over sleeping together :)
Oh crap. Captain FancyPants just asked me what "I feel like doing tomorrow night".
I literally have no idea what to say. It's Wednesday. After work. It's still cold here. It's our second date.
HELP! What do I want to do? And is he asking me to lay out the whole plan or just asking what I want to do? Believe it or not, this is not a normal question...
Thank you, Melissa, for demonstrating exactly why Wygant teaches never to pop the 'what do you want to do today' question!
On tonight's episode of Black Widow: hotshot product developer Melissa singlehandedly spearheads a multi million dollar project that changes the face of her company, then freaks out like a little girl when a man asks her what she wants to do on a date.
:)
But you DO know what you want. You've already told everyone except FancyPants. You want a man with a strong lead.
"surprise me - I like surprises"
"you're a bright person - I bet you can think of something"
"let me know what you decide"
"i want to see you and your fancy pants, captain"
etc, etc
That way you set the precedent of him leading and show that that's what you want. Otherwise, you are setting the precedent for an androgynous relationship - you plan half the dates, pay half the dinner checks, and change half the tires, he does half your laundry, takes care of half your kids, and cooks half the meals. What could possibly be more equal, modern, and perfect than that? Let's hear it for gender equality.
No need to answer, I'm being rhetorical again.
Melissa,
Aw is their something you feel like doing? I think he is trying to please you by finding out what your preferences are..
I would try to stay away from laying out the whole plan with the details, that will be too much "doing" on your part..
You could say hmm going for a drink would feel fun..(for example) Let him choose the place though unless he doesn't know the area at all..
Or you just could say, hmm well what did you have in mind? :-) That way maybe you can choose from choices he gives you..
I suggested we meet for a drink in a place that I know of in his area and take it from there.... He's new here in town so I didn't want to push back on him when I know tons of places.
That's all I have on a Wednesday after work. And a second date.
I wonder why David discourages coffee dates for first dates?
I love coffee dates for first times, they are short and you kind of start to get a "feel" of the other person..
My first date with my man was dinner and we had so much fun.. :-)
I feel like it doesn't matter so much what you do but as long as you are enjoying the company you are with..
I can't wait until the spring and summer..So many fun things to do outside..Walks along the beach, boardwalk..outdoor amusement parks and festivals, street fairs..
"I wonder why David discourages coffee dates for first dates?"
Probably because they are cliche / standard / uncreative. Better for a guy to be remarkable and show his creativity by coming up with an original idea.
Probably also because they are all talk. There is no action, no playfulness, nothing sensual.
Just taking an educated guess. I see eye to eye with Wygant on issues like this.
I love coffee too! But not as a date. I make it a point to actually DO things with people, and avoid activities that are just about networking or chatting. The hilarious irony is I do much better networking and bonding that way!
Maybe I'm just weird (scratch that - I'm DEFINITELY weird :) ), but I suspect it's a guy thing. It's especially strong with me though.
Things I have done or discussed doing with MichiGirl:
Go swing dancing
Take a hike
Rope swinging
Kayaking
River tubing
Give a bike tour through my city/neighborhood
Country dance to techno music
Teach her how to handle a fire staff
Playing pool
Showing the people at the new blues club in my neighborhood how to have some fun on the dance floor
Things I have not discussed doing:
having coffee
going to a bar
dinner / lunch / breakfast
watching a movie / play / passive thingy
going to a party
hanging out with my friends
Thanks for clarifying Techno! :-) Interesting, I guess I didn't catch David talking about it..
Funny I always liked my first date "coffee dates" Maybe because I like coffee? Or also that's that European French thing that rubbed off on me lol People have coffee dates all the time anytime of day..
As soon as the weather was nice all the tables and chair were out on the street..People sipping their espressos or glasses of champagne..aw I miss that..
Mel,
Tell "pants of fire" (my name for him) that you have been wanting to check out this honky tonk ( better tell him it is a nice,"club") and you want to have him take you there, for a drink. Then you have a way to make a "safe" appraisal of the place, with a date, and get to see how great they are, and see all the cute cowboys.
Mar-
Micropenis is a thing. Google it. Horrifying.
And I meant it, Nat- good for you! I would love to be like that, but I am just....not. I'm fun, I laugh all the time, but I am never just that cutie pie, being sweet and flirty and girly. I can't explain. I'm more like an Angelina Jolie type than a Marilyn Monroe.
Maybe I should change my profile pic to last Halloween (before this one) when I was Lara Croft...lol
Aw Thanks Mel..I know what you mean..We are all different types..beautiful and alluring in our own ways..
Funny you mention Marylin Monroe. I love her lol I have a huge vintage poster framed of her in my room lol Funny thing to, my guy says I look like her, even his mom said it lol maybe just a little, a long haired version ha
I love Angenlina/Lara Croft..beautiful sultry women..yum ;-)
Dang, Techno. So totally dead-on and well put.
But, of course I made the suggestion and led him by the nose. Why? Because he's new in town (moved here 3 months ago, spent 4 weeks in China, the others back and forth to his home state) so I took pity and suggested what to do.
But- that's the second and last time. The first time he caught me by saying he'd 'come out my way' (code for 'you pick because I don't know anything out YOUR WAY') and then this second time, in the middle of my day, where I was ironically planning the 3 year strategy for a line of beauty electronic appliances, I spazzed out like a retard. You caught me. Good for you.
I joked with him though and said that my typical go-to second date is 'Sex Dungeon', but that I thought it's more of a weekend kind of thing.
"Dang, Techno. So totally dead-on and well put."
:). "Androgynous relationship". I should trademark that haha.
If you are going to a sex dungeon, I recommend you bring hand sanitizer and clean sheets, and make up an emergency and non-emergency safeword. But why am I telling you this - you sound like you know more than I do :)
Techno-
I think I would hate any of those first date activities. Again- that's me. I don't find it sexy or appealing at all for a man to teach/instruct me on a first date...or really anytime. I think I almost murdered my ex the day he taught me to snowboard. It's just not fun.
Again, just my opinion. I'm old. :-p
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