Escape From The Friend Zone! (Podcast)

Men's Advice Attract and Approach, Uncategorized

By David Wygant March 7, 2012 491 Shares

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Hey there!

Welcome to Podcast Wednesday. Today, our question comes from Reed, a longtime customer and member of our blog audience.

Reed asks, in slightly more words: How do I escape from the friend zone?

Listen to my response below:

So what do you all think?

Are their any other ways to escape the dreaded friend zone? Let me know in the comments below.

About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

29 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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sandy h

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012

There are times that I wonder why a guy wants to remain as friends and does not want to go any further with me. I feel like I am being lead on by him. There are times he will open up to me and there were times it seemed like he would push me away. But all in all I believe this guy was into younger girls and women my age just suck...So to get out of this rut I decided to do the best thing find someone who meets my criteria and get over it. If he wants to date me after the divorce then so be it. But during that time I am going to date other people once I find someone to do so...proven to me that he is capable of cheating on his wife...so does that mean he will cheat on me if we are ever in a relationship...

Noed

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012

Hi Sandy h, Here’s my take on your predicament. Of course it only the opinion from a male perspective and I could be totally WRONG. I often am according to my soon to be ex wife who evidently can’t fix me. I gather from your posts, that you’re generally a cool chick (no offense) and most likley a pretty comfortable girl to be with. Well guys typically like to hang around with friends who are just like that, especially if/when there’s any chance of an occasional chance encounter… hehe, Sometimes guys (and girls) will say they want to stay friends just to spare their own fragile egos, or, as insurance to keep you around as a fall back position. If you feel as though you’re being led down the relationship to nowhere trail it's because you are. When he’s feeling emotionally positive he'll be attractive towards you, and when he’s feeling emotionally negative he’ll repel you; sounds to me like you’re allowing yourself to be used by someone who either bipolar or only wants to rent and not own the relationship. It’s unlikely that he just wants a “younger” girl; rather he’s just comfortable hanging with you while hoping and looking for some better opportunity. In other words, he doesn’t even know what he really wants! But if and when he ever discovers his heart’s true desire, there’s a real good chance you’re not her. In the mean time you should definitely be actively dating other people! In order to maintain a successful relationship both partys need to share some "TLC", Trust, Loyalty and Commitment. Well already you don’t trust him and he’s being unfaithful so loyalty’s pretty much out the window. And however convenient or inconvenient it may be, he can’t even committ because he’s still married. I wish you better than that.

ahmed kawu

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012

Well having gone thru ur messages . I understand ur points . I think going out mix at times takes mind and courage only dat guy don't always leave his girlfirend easily likewise it dosent take most girl anything to befriend her partner

Johnathon Deveroux

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

David, I like the transparent approach that you use in this scenario, and I will be using that. My predicament is every time I try to convey feelings to her, she is in a relationship, and when she breaks up, she goes off the market quite quickly, within a month or two. I'm not too what is an appropriate time to tell her. Do I say it while in the relationship or not? Finally, your playful approach with women is a true reflection of success, about 2 years ago I was very good with women, and ever since I put my social life on hold over my career things are not only stagnant buy decaying. My approach with women is to be myself, and it doesn't work well at all. What approach or introduction would you recommend if I don't want to be playful I.E drawing nudity on refrigerator doors. I prefer to the gentleman's approach I.E dinners, plays, sports events, wine tastings etc. Please advise and thanks for taking the time to read my reply, Johnathan

Mike

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

Hey sandy h, After reading your post, I thought I would chime in on what you wrote. It sounds like to me your settling perhaps because you have a confidence issue. You deserve way more than what your settling for. I'm not sure what your "criteria" is, but there are many guys out there who would love a gal like you and you need to get out there so they can find you. I suggest you focus on meeting as many people as you can and smile and be friendly when your out there in public which will open the door to new opportunities for you.

Konstantin

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

@David And what's the difference between this you said and mine. You said I killed the tension,when I said to her that I liked her. And here you tell''I wanna date you''and some other things directly. So I don't see diference I also said it directly and honesty like a man.

KC

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

I think a lot of guys get frustrated with this because many women say they want a guy who's their best friend.Guys usually go overboard with being a friend to the point where they' become a male girlfriend.

sandy h

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

Noed Thanks for the compliment...I am going to take this one day...one step at a time...there are times when he shows up and tells his friends that i am the one he is after...there are times he will ask what is wrong...but to hold onto thin air a person gets no where...but if he will allow me this i will remain his friend though....but i do not want to become a part of his harem of girls that might be lined up in court. but it is like my daughter said to me follow your heart mom...i would date him but he can not have a divorce pending or a wedding band.

sandy h

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

mike i am a cashier at wal mart and meet/see a lot of guys and i am as flirty as ever. but when i c them with a ring on the finger that is a major red flag. I have had guys talk to me about being without a partner and i will say who knows we may find that partner one day. and like yesterday there was this guy in the wheelchair he just bought him a sewing machine and i discussed that with him and said to him come back and let me know about how your project turns out...then i noticed this one guy that is my regular i talk to him also...I have a male friend at work and he seems to take my blues away we will get to talking about some of the wall stuff...but all in all because this dude is cheating on his wife does not stop me from looking....but i am not going to rush...as dave said in his book naked time to get out the boxing gloves and have a challenge with me vs myself...and i am trying to find out something within...would I date myself? beginning to thank so but i have some things to iron out...and few more boxing matches to go through

sandy h

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

this is how i feel about the seven/eight year ache about my married friend yes we talked about certain things in the past...but he has been with one woman for over xxx amount of years...i had rather he gets this out of his system and if he finds someone else in the process this is after his divorce or during then so be it...but life does not stop because my friend wants to go out and get laid. but i will in the meantime find other guys to date...oh if wants to still date me that is fine i will give him that chance but he can not have a divorce pending...thanks for your comments and they are very helpful...maybe one day our twain shall meet and who knows dave i may c u again in la..

sandy h

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

one more thing...this is what got me the girl he is seeing was chasing after me and doing things that i do not want to discuss on the internet...if she leaves me alone i will leave her alone...stomp my butt over a man she will go down like a lesbian. this girl thinks i do not have evidence of her attempted vehicular homicide...all i have to say is wal mart cameras do not lie...

Shogo (Coach)

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

john--WAKE UP CALL!! Women get stuck in the friend zone just like men. Most men that women want are not massive hornballs who jump on vagina at every opportunity. That's what makes these guys attractive, and the horny bastards very very unattractive.

Jennifer

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

I put myself in a friend zone and now Im wondering if I made the right decision. I find myself thinking of him. Last Sunday, I told him I was dating. The reason is a met a man that completely swept me off my feet. He was completely opposite of what I go for. I rode on the back of his motorcyle. He treated me to a wonderful barbeque lunch in the mountains. We went to the movies. He loves the outdoor. What I didnt realize the night we first met, his divorced was just finalized. I realized we are in two different stages of life. After I confessed to my friend, Im dating other people. He started calling me more. Telling me Im important to him and he wants to take me on my first train ride. He wants to surprise me this weekend. Now I wish I didnt say anything. For the outdoor guy, the time we spent was special to me. He is not looking for a relationship. So I chalked it up as a wonderful adventure. My friend wants to know what happen. What changed two weeks ago because I wasnt dating anyone. Now he is opening up to me.

john

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

What??? You FRIEND ZONED yourself? Ridiculous!! Can't happen. Women are never stuck in the friend zone. If you ever want out,, meet your "friend" and say,,"hey,, wanna have sex?" Trust me,, he's game.

Jennifer

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

John, I turn him down last month. After I turned him down, he only gives me one hug at the end of our time. That's all our physical contact. Plus, he knows I'm dating. We are going to meet this weekend. I respect his feelings and I do not want to come off that he is second prize. I messed up.

sandy h

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

john have a question what if the girl u ask wants to have sex with u and let u loose...just curious...lol..u know there are times i am tempted to give this guy what he wants and say see u babe so he will just leave me alone...lol

john

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

@sandy,, don't give him what you want,, unless it's what YOU want too! @jennifer,, lol, ok, i'm just saying that you are never "stuck". If he's like most guys, (i'll bet he is), if he thinks he's gonna get some, he won't care if he is first prize, second prize, or the boobie prize!! :)

Shogo (Coach)

Friday, March 9th, 2012

Jonathon: you are giving this power away to women that you are with. It has nothing to do with any power that women have. I'd really love to see you increase your own belief in yourself and understand that you have just as much power as anybody else. It's in there! John: are you telling me that I would have sex with any of my friends who have a vagina?

Shogo (Coach)

Friday, March 9th, 2012

Here's how a woman gets stuck in the friend zone: 1. She is attracted to a male friend. 2. She doesn't believe that her friend is attracted to her. 3. She is afraid of getting rejected if she says anything. Now what part of that is fantasy land?

Jacob

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

Aha! moment. I'm not getting the things that I want because I'm not asking/going out and getting it. It's simple and who the hell cares about what happens next. You have to ask so you can find out. If you don't ask, you sit there waiting on things to "just happen." Things don't "just happen," we have to make things happen. As Bruce Lee says, "To hell with circumstances, I make opportunities." Haha.

Jennifer

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

John, I agree with Shogo. I'm going to take it slow. Just to make sure what I'm feeling is right. Then when the next opportunity to express my feelings, I will take. Now I will just enjoy the moment without any pressures.

Johnathon Deveroux

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

@Sandy Well if that was an opportunity, I would not neglect it, But that's not the case. @Shogo How do women get stuck in the friend zone? If they want to be intimate with a male who are there friend, they either a) Initiate it through an obvious way via verbal, physical, text etc. b) They hint it in a subtle way and tend to spend more time. These two reason are based on reference experience I've had when I fail with my intro and just LJBF them and pursue it for the long term. My many failures with women can conclude on the basis that if I don't have sex with them they hate me. Example, I have had a girl I met at a night club, she comes from a nice family in a nice part of town, merely minutes away from me. She came to my home and we talked, I have a park path that I lead her to we held hands and talk about one each others life experience and other playful banter. To fast forward after that we went back to my house, and we watched some youtube video's, she sat on my lap and we laughed. I know I should have kissed her and then had sex but seems to be artificial in terms of the relationship to have sex on the first date. So I didn't and the date ended, than she ignored me and deleted me off facebook. The thoughts still resonates in my mind. The bottom line is women have options, they are never stuck. Eg. An aesthetically challenged women can get a good looking guy. This represents the power women have, it is a default they posses. I disagree with your statement.

sandy h

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

john i would not give him the pleasure of becoming a part of his harem or one of his harlots. i am so THANKFUL that i did not fall to his follies. matter a fact he still has a divorce pending. thanks for the advice. anyway i would not do a guy like that.

John

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

@johnathon,, Exactly Right. Face it,, most guys in the "friend zone" are there because they are trying to wait her out. Women always have options. Shogo,, PUA,, is living in fantasy land.

sandy h

Friday, March 9th, 2012

Shogo I have a question? How come is it when a woman says she wants to have the talk beforehand to tell the man how she feels he walks away from her? Or that is when the tires hit the pavement best way to get rid of a guy speak marriage, kids and etc?

john

Friday, March 9th, 2012

It's ALL fantasy land.. lol. You've been watching too much "Lifetime" or something. That BS never happens in real life.

José Colín

Friday, March 9th, 2012

That is funny John, yesterday I was talking with a friend about the guy she likes, and she had exactly the description that Shogo posted above! She really likes that guy, and she is not sure if he likes her o not. But she does not want to do anything about it, because she says that "she is TOO shy". And is afraid of being rejected! True Story!

john

Friday, March 9th, 2012

Man,, she's BS'n you. Women have options, no woman is ever stuck,, they are the selectors. Dumb topic,, all the good women are taken anyway. Everyone knows it,, just no one wants to admit it.

Tony K

Saturday, March 10th, 2012

Women can definitely get stuck in the friend zone. I've seen it among my female friends. I know which ones like me, but they never, ever say anything. I call them out sometimes and stay forever in denial. Anyway, even if they invited me to sex I wouldn't really go for every single one. @John, It seems to me that you wish to be a "selector" Right? -TK

Escape From The Friend Zone! (Podcast)

About David

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29 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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sandy h

Noed

ahmed kawu

Johnathon Deveroux

Mike

Konstantin

KC

sandy h

sandy h

sandy h

sandy h

Shogo (Coach)

Jennifer

john

Jennifer

sandy h

john

Shogo (Coach)

Shogo (Coach)

Jacob

Jennifer

Johnathon Deveroux

sandy h

John

sandy h

john

José Colín

john

Tony K