Drop the Validation
Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.
Here’s something really interesting that just happened.
So Taras was just going through his pictures on his camera. He got to a picture of himself and this woman, handed his camera to Steve, and said, “Look, man, she’s really hot,” and then said, “But I really screwed it up with her.”
What he was looking for from Steve was what I call “male-bro validation.” Steve was supposed to respond, “Wow, dude, you’re right. She is really hot,” which would make Taras say to himself, “See, I could get hot women if I didn’t screw it up.” And then it just becomes this long conversation.
Taras is now going to tell this story to Steve about how he met her, how she was really into him, and then he made this one crucial mistake where he decided to freak out and flake out, and it was all over from there.
In reality, he never had her! If he’d had her, she wouldn’t be just a picture in his camera – she’d be in his bed. She’d be hanging out with him right now.
You don’t need the validation of another guy. That’s how men bond – by validating each other. “Look man, I could get hot women if I just did this…” But it doesn’t really matter. You don’t need to show him that, and you certainly don’t need to be going over that situation in a play-by-play anymore. That play-by-play doesn’t help.
You didn’t ever have her. If you had her, she’d be standing next to you instead of your friend! You wouldn’t be talking about it.
So look at how this who process breaks down. You guys don’t need to be validated, either to yourself or to each other. If I had a friend come over to my house and all I did was show him pictures of the women I’ve fucked for the last thirty years, he’d be bored in about thirty seconds!
You can’t really talk with men if that’s all you’re going to talk about. By talking in that way, you’re demonstrating that you don’t own it – you don’t really believe that you can get women. You’re just trying to validate yourself in whatever way you can – and in this way you’re trying to validate yourself through other guys.
Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.
8 Comments | Join the Discussion!
Infinity
Sunday, February 8th, 2009
Taras
Sunday, February 8th, 2009
K
Sunday, February 8th, 2009
marina
Monday, February 9th, 2009
Sandra
Monday, February 9th, 2009
Sandra
Monday, February 9th, 2009
K
Tuesday, February 10th, 2009
Marina
Tuesday, February 10th, 2009