Don’t Take it Personally

Men's Advice Mindset

By David Wygant February 20, 2009 617 Shares

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Earlier today, I was in this great mood. We went to Whole Foods, and as I was walking in the automatic door, this cute woman starts to go in at the same time. I said, “After you,” and she just looked down at the floor, didn’t smile or anything, and walked in and away.

Has this ever happened to you?

In my mind, I thought, “Thank god I don’t ever have to talk to her again!”

Her reaction wasn’t about me. I didn’t take it personally. Most guys would think, “Oh no, what did I do wrong? I must have done something wrong!”

But in reality, you can take it a step further and have a fun little visual: imagine having sex with her. Wouldn’t that be fun? She’d just lie there like a sack of potatoes. That’s how you have to start thinking. Start finding the humor in these things.

I get blown off all the time too – but I don’t give a shit! You have to stop thinking negatively, and get out of your head!

Just wanted to share a quick moment with you all today. I am out for the day I have an LA bootcamp this weekend and a great group of guys that will learn this attitude and many others.

Have an amazing Friday!

About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

61 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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Joely

Friday, February 20th, 2009

Hahahaha. David I don't know why but I pictured someone having sex with a sack of potatoes and enjoying it more than that woman. Have a good bootcamp weekend too.

Lexi

Friday, February 20th, 2009

When I react that way, it usually has nothing to do with the other person, and more to do with what is going on with me. Any number of reasons a person might behave that way, that still doesn't make them boring, or someone you'd never want to talk to (just not talk to in the moment). In other words, you can not take it personally, and not pass judgment on them as a defense mechanism. * was assaulted recently * lost someone close to them * recently lost their job * was in a car accident * is in a lot of pain, and doesn't want to share/inflict it on others at the moment * is in a hurry and doesn't want to engage with other people Is imagining yourself having sex with someone who was just assaulted, especially if it was sexual assault, really something you want to do to avoid taking it personally? Why not just think of the reasons their mood may have nothing to do with you. You say to think positively David, but why not give other the benefit of the doubt, rather than, oh, they must not be worth talking to ever if in this one moment they aren't responsive? That doesn't sound very positive. Reasons I might not want to talk to someone who looks away-- it takes two to connect, if they aren't interested in connecting, I am not interested in forcing a connection. Maybe some other time. If you're taking it personally, you might want to take a look at how you're judging yourself, and then STOP IT.

Coach Yakub

Friday, February 20th, 2009

hi Lexi:) i think lot of guys put too much pressure on meeting women that they totally forget to think about how the she might be feeling. This one time, I was at a college campus, and I was behind this one woman, and all sudden a group of guys came right behind her, and one of the guys said out loud, "she got no ass" and of course the girl ignored all of the guys. Then i noticed her energy fell so quick, she looked really sad, i was so mad at those guys, i wanted to kick their ass. So i walked up to this woman, at first she didn't want to talk to me until, i explained to her how immature those guys were, and what they yelled to her isn't true. It made her feel a lot better. I felt good that she knew the truth. SO it goes back to today's post, so many things could happen to someone, because of that she may not talk to you or be more open!!

Vlad

Friday, February 20th, 2009

I'm taking major offense to this. I'm originally from Russia and my fellow countrymen find sacks of potatoes irresistibly sexy! Not everybody was fortune enough to have one! You are absolutely right about starting to find humor in things. You can't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive. :)

Tony888

Friday, February 20th, 2009

Good points Lexi & Yakub! The girl might simply have been lost in thought or maybe she kinda felt shy or submissive or sheepish at David's greeting and offer to let her go first. She could have been feeling down a bit, or tired, or maybe even thinking that David was the 10th guy today trying to pick her up. Anything could've been going through her mind that was nothing personal against David. She wasn't being bitchy or stuck up based on what little she did as a response. It was a reserved & reticent kind of behavior that really can't be judged. If you want to talk about a truly negative reaction to holding the door open for a woman, I've seen it. I've held doors open and usually gotten a polite "Thank you" but a couple times I got a sneer and another time a girl walked in and didn't say anything, but had her nose cocked up at an almost 90 degree angle as if she was a spoiled, stuck up "princess" type who felt the universe revolved around her. That girl wasn't looking down, but almost all the way to the sky. That is what you call a blow-off. And no, I didn't have a devious smile on my face or ogling her like I wanted to shag her on the spot or say anything unseemly. I simply opened the door and motioned with my left hand with kind of a waving motion as usual for her to go on in ahead of me. But regardless, twice I got a sneer and once that stuck up princess routine. But after many years, those have been the exceptions, not the rule. Most of the time, here in the South anyway, women will respond with a polite "Thank you."

Marina

Friday, February 20th, 2009

In situations where you would have expected a thank you. depending on their attitude and mine I Will say with a clear voice something from have a nice day to a thick sarcastic YOUR WELCOME.

j-dude

Friday, February 20th, 2009

Lexi, If you ignored me like what happened to David, I wouldn't take it personally. I would just probably think you are gay! :)

Taras

Friday, February 20th, 2009

Happens to the best of us...

Coach Yakub

Friday, February 20th, 2009

Tony888- where in south are you from?

Lexi

Friday, February 20th, 2009

Tony888-- I give you a big deeply sincere thank you! For opening doors! Even if I'm in a shitty mood, I will thank a person (man or woman) who holds a door open for me. I'll also hold a door open for someone (man or woman) who has their hands full. One of my guy friend's biggest complaints was not that women ran hot or cold re: the doors thing, but that if his arms were full, no one would help him, but men helped women all the time. I guess you can tell a lot about whether or not you would be a good match with someone based on their response to holding doors.

Robert H

Friday, February 20th, 2009

Sounds like an amazing view David! If I was one of those people bashing on you (a few blogs ago) and you counter bashed on me, I wouldn't give a shit! haha But seriously. I've been blown off by so many girls, you just get it in your head. WHO GIVES A FLYING RAT PISS! So I'm just a happy go lucky dude. :P

MAC

Friday, February 20th, 2009

David, I agree and disagree with you on today's blog. I agree that we shouldn't give a crap if a girl blows us off. The last time I got blown off was at the gym. I had made eye contact with this girl and she looked at me over and over so I said, I'm gonna talk to this chick. So she's walking past me and I wave and say hi and she has this weirded out look on her face and I'm about to say something when she continues walking right past me. I said, Wait! I wanna ask you something and she continued to walk. I just looked at her, in complete disbelief of what was happening and she finally stopped, REMOVED HER EARPHONE and asked what as if she was being bothered? In disappointment I said, Nevermind. And she walked off. I'm guessing she didn't want to be bothered at the moment, hence the earphones. She's the one I said I want to talk to but haven't had the chance to. Anyhow, I know it's not me because the dame looks at me every time. Now, however, it seems awkward after that first encounter. What do you guys think I should do when I see her again? I was thinking I should approach her and just kinda explain that our first encounter was a bit strange and I just wanted to ask her a question. Then I would ask her and that would be the starter. etc. That part I disagree with is the part where you wanna imagine having sex with her. Instead of doing that, why don't you have some compassion and say something nice like, hope you have a nice day. Imagining sex with a stranger because she blew you off sounds semi-perverted to me. I'm not saying I don't imagine having sex with hot girls, but why take that approach? If you say you don't take it personally when someone blows you off then it would stop right there and you wouldn't even thank god that you never have to talk to her again because maybe you would want to talk to her after all.

Jen

Friday, February 20th, 2009

In Texas, everybody holds the door for everyone. If you get to the door first, you hold it open until there is no one else needing to come in or somebody else takes over holding the door. And you say thank you even if you are in a crabby mood. It's so automatic that I was absolutely shocked the first time I left Texas and someone let the door close in my face. He had the nerve to think that I expected everyone to open the door for me because I thought I was cute. I know, the assholes are doing me a favor by showing their true colors early on. It just amazes me that the subject of opening doors keeps coming up. If you see someone with an armful, open the damn door!

Sandra

Friday, February 20th, 2009

I want to ask you all something in the evenings I come home and I open up my email and all of a sudden I get an email returned to me saying FUCK YOU! Now I am not here to start any trouble with anyone and I do have feelings like the rest of you. So next time you tell someone this think before you say. For how would you like it if you come home and all of a sudden the person you are with wants to tell you all the bad things that happened that day and start an argument yes I did take it personally and how do you expect me to feel. Yes I will come back and defend myself. I came to blog and try to give my advice but it seems as though there is only one that is target practice is ME! Play it on someone else people have put me down pushed me around hey I am used to it for I am Jewish. My mother said to me one time I would claim to be Jewish for there are people who will kill Jews.

Sandra

Friday, February 20th, 2009

The person who said this knows who they are and I see why no one wants to be around them for they are heartless people in this world. It goes to prove what I said before a guy that does not like will say what the hell you looking at BITCH.

Sandra

Friday, February 20th, 2009

correction I would not claim to be Jewish for there are people who do not like Jews and they would kill you just to look at you.

j-dude

Friday, February 20th, 2009

Sandra, Just before getting up for a 3 mile jog, I see these posts... You need a hug; here's a big hug for you, coming from AZ.

MAC

Friday, February 20th, 2009

Sandra, I would never say the f-word to anyone as mad as I can be. I personally, don't cuss and for some, it's a way of letting off steam. Just ignore those emails and posts and carry on, but honestly, you comment way too much on this blog and it's bound to happen that you get on everyone's nerves. Most of what you say makes no sense and you start talking about your life and many times what you say (along with many others on here) has nothing to do with the blog that David wrote. Just the other day everyone went off and started talking about which celebrity is hot and then that went in a different direction and it was irrelevant to the topic David posted. Stay on topic people. Don't bring your drama to this forum. Keep it on topic. Agree and disagree agreeably. See, now I went off the topic. Please don't anyone respond to this post of mine. Just say something about what David blogged.

Tony888

Friday, February 20th, 2009

Yakub, I'm in Tennessee. Lexi & Jen, I agree. It's common courtesy & respect really. And the way I was brought up. And most women do give me the courtesy & respect back by saying "Thank you." I'm not going to give a girl a hard time if upon letting her in front or through the door she seems distracted or preoccupied by her thoughts, like something is weighing on her. No harm or foul. It's the snotty, stuck up types that are likely to rub me the wrong way. But I should just let it roll off like the proverbial water off a duck's back. If she's that way very often, she's not someone I'd want to bother getting to know anyway. I wouldn't even want to shag her, because a bitchy woman loses major attractiveness points fast. That kind is likely to be a gf from hell and I'd pity the guy who'd have to put up with a shallow, self absorbed primadonna on a daily basis. That kind of girl/woman will be someone else's problem, not mine.

Sandra

Friday, February 20th, 2009

J-Dude Thanks I needed that if you really want to know something I have had one hell of a February and I don't know what March is going to be like. If you were in my shoes you would know I feel like I am being put through living hell without no one to talk too. But my parents

Sandra

Friday, February 20th, 2009

Tony888 I live in Tennessee also. But right now don't feel like blogging since I am target practice of some people.

K

Friday, February 20th, 2009

I think that this is a timely blog, considering some of our fellow bloggers' penchant for "emoting" and then feeling bad when someone "emotes" back at them. Gang, it's not all about YOU, hence the "Don't Take It Personally" blog subject du jour. This could have more global applications than just taking the initiative to start a conversation. Guys - On behalf of all of the ungrateful women who ever snubbed you for opening or holding open a door for them: THANK YOU!! When I was transferred from the nice, clean, white-collar office building to the noisy, grimy, blue-collar warehouse, I was a little worried about being accepted. But I have NEVER in my entire life seen so many men of all ages open doors, pick up things that get dropped, or assist the women and men in the area without being asked. Someone once said that 'manners grease the wheels of civilization.' It certainly beats sniffing each other and pushing each other out of the way to get somewhere first. So when some unappreciative woman ignores your courtesy, remember that you can afford to be big about it. Why? Because other women are watching you take the rudeness in stride and they are putting you on their list to bump into 'accidentally', smile at, etc. because you got game that you may not even have considered.

Sandra

Friday, February 20th, 2009

There are times that a guy will hold open the door and I would say thank you and say hi to him and ask him about his day. That usually brings on a conversation or smile to his face. Even if I am in a bad mood or thinking about something. I say hi to the people there at the convenience store that I go to.