I just got off the phone with one of my favorite coaching clients.

She told me about some things that were going on in her life.

She wanted to know if she should be dating right now, and I shared a story with her that I’m going to share with all of you.

How many times have you gone out with somebody, and you were ready to date?

You did the work, you cleared your time. You made it a priority to go and connect with somebody, and you actually met somebody and had a relationship.

But then you kept running into emotionally unavailable people.

It seems like every other date you were on was with somebody who you connected with, but then they ran for cover.

You tried to figure out why they ran for cover, and I can tell you why right now, here and now.

They weren’t ready. You see, when you’re not ready to date, you’re not doing justice for anybody you’re meeting.

As a matter of fact, you’re taking them down a journey they don’t need to go down. They’ve done their work, they’re open, they’re willing, they want a relationship. And you just want to test the waters a little bit and then go back into your cave and heal a little bit more. If you’re in that mode, you need to be honest with somebody before you even show up face to face.

I don’t care if you text it to them, I don’t care if you do it in the first phone call. But you need to tell that person, hey, I’m not really ready to have a relationship right now. I like to date, and have company and so forth, but I’m not ready for anything really in particular right now, and I just wanted to be honest and up front with you so you know.

That is huge.

To me, people are not honest, and open, and authentic up front. So, what happens is a lot of people are dating just to stay out of boredom, or just to see what’s out there, but they’re not ready for a relationship.

So, be up front with everybody that you meet and correspond with right from the get go. Because here’s what happens.

Let’s say, for instance, you’re not ready to meet somebody and you meet someone who is.

You go out, you have a great date.

You run back to your cave and hide.

They think they’ve met somebody fantastic.

You don’t return a text or a phone call. You don’t explain your situation at all.

They assume that they’ve been ghosted, blown off, that you didn’t feel a thing. They’re all confused.

Six months later, you’re ready for a relationship.

You’ve done the work, you’re open again, you’re looking forward to having a relationship.

And what happens?

You run into the person that you ghosted.

They’re still single, but they don’t want to talk to you. In their mind, they feel like they’ve been blown off.

You see, people are very wounded, and they take everything very personally.

It’s hard for a human being not to take something personally when they like somebody or think that they like somebody and that person has wounded them.

I personally don’t, but then again, I’ve done a lot of work on myself. It doesn’t make me a better person than you. It doesn’t make me more evolved. It’s just my attitude on life, and on dating.

But here’s the deal.

You can’t really reapply. What happens is, most of the time, you’ll try to talk to that person, that person will walk away. And then they’ll never know why you ran.

I’ve done that, and I’ve actually reapplied six months later, and I told people, hey I vanished on you.

I did so because I wasn’t emotionally ready for a relationship, I and thought I was. And I should have conveyed that to you, and I’m sorry. Can we get together again? Because I’m in that right mindset now.

I’ve actually done it, and I’ve actually gone out with people again, and I’ve had relationships go that way. But why not just be honest with each other from the get go, so we don’t have to explain six months later why we became Casper, the unfriendly ghost.

Dating is all about authenticity, and authenticity in being honest.

The more honest we are, the greater chance of actually meeting somebody who is really spectacular.

Think about that the next time you go ghosting, or the next time you’re out there dating and you’re not ready. Just be honest, and watch how life changes for you.