Don’t Be Cheap!

Men's Advice Dating Tips, Uncategorized

By David Wygant June 23, 2010 696 Shares

Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.

Are you cheap?

I want to talk about who should pay for the first date, and what the perceptions are about this.

If you actually allow women to split the bill on a first date, then you need to listen up and listen carefully to today’s podcast.

What I am going to tell you in this podcast can be the difference between an okay and an amazing dating life for you!

Click here to listen now:

Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.

About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

35 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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chris

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

understandable, but when you're a student, being cheap could be your only option. but yes... picnics are nice, haha

Greg

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Last weekend I met with a friend for lunch. I knew she has been dating one guy and so didn't feel obliged to pay for the bill. Part of me feels cheap because I did ask her to join me, but we are friends and I didn't see it as a date... Just friends meeting up to catch up... thoughts?

Kevin Hedstrom

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

You're absolutely right about it being a matter of perception. The window of opportunity for a great first impression is so small. Perhaps the greatest way to screw it up is to not pay, now that I think about it. I also like the point you bring up about meeting her close to where she works or lives. That's something that so many guys ignore. Really enjoyed this!

zandra

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

miranda & steve dating -sex and the city

Jimmy

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

David Wygant is the man! This is a must listen podcast for anyone who wants to improve their dating life. I forget sometimes how simple this is, thanks for the great reminder of how simple this really is.

anonymous

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

I am not going to use my name but I'm one of those cheap guys. I see the importance of paying. I think that's why I don't' get the date 2. That explains it David.

Coach Jacob

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Hey Jimmy I got your message and instead of going back I'm going to answer it here.

Tony

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

In my town there is a really expensive restaurant. Its so funny to watch bunch of rich guys taking out girls in the weekend. You can see in their face that they don't enjoy the dinner and there is tension in the air. I'm am not going to take the same route but I'm guilty of that in the past.

Coach Jacob

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

All is going great Jimmy and I appreciate your interest:) How are you doing?

Coach Jacob

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Tony You can tell when their is tension in the air. Yes I would advise you not to take the same route as you did in the past:)

Coach Jacob

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

anonymous This is what this blog is about. I'm glad you found todays' blog and podcast very helpful. Are you at times tempted to not pay?

Rick

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

@Coach Jacob- So good to have you back and its not the same without you;) @The blog- There is lot of bad advices out there about dating, this by far beats any competition David. @Jimmy- It's weird that we don't use what is easy/simple instead we like to get our self into mess that we shouldn't be into.

Carol

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Yes, more than being "old fashioned" it is part of the overall impression of the guy and how he views his role in the relationship. This is the first date, the start of what could be...? McDonalds could be really fun - Ashton & Demi went to "In & Out Burger" for their first date and they were probably very sexy. It isn't what you do, it isn't what is paid, but it is attitude, playfulness, being attentive, enjoying that 15 - 90 minutes together, even if it isn't a love connection, just being human and present with each other. When you want to allocate a bill or end the date negotiating money - awkward - and wide swing to get back to playful and sexy. It reminds me of how David uses the term "abundance" - going dutch, or even the momentary contemplation of going dutch isn't abundant anything.

anonymous

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Coach Jacob: Thank you for the reply. I have some bad conditioning which I need to get rid of. I do at times think about ways not to pay...... Its scary how you asked me that question you're like a mindreader lol

Coach Jacob

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Rick Thanks for the kind words buddy:) And this blog is not same without you:)

Coach Jacob

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

anonymous Our past conditioning will always hunt us until we clarify it. Most of us have some sort conditioning so you're not alone.

Rick

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Greg- In that case I think its fine not to pay. Wast it a expensive dinner or lunch?

anonymous

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

I really enjoyed todays podcast. How can I download it to my itunes? Thank you.

Greg

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Rick, it was a lunch- something around $8 or $10

Ajay

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

I hate being cheap. At the same time, I don't want her to expect that I should always pay for her, always do everything. So when she offers to split, I always smile and say 'I got this, you could treat me next time'. That also puts in an implicit "next time" between us.

B.

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

I do know guys who pay for a woman's company. But I live in a different country, and am probably of a different age bracket.

maxx

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

i disagree, some woman like quality and they feel like they should pay her part, and they may even fight to pay for herself. Or they may feel obligated to pay at least a tip. I would not fight with her if she is feeling that way.

Stu

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Gonna have to disagree with you there. This isn't the 1950s. My time is worth as much as hers. I'll say that again: MY TIME IS WORTH AS MUCH AS HERS. I am not at dinner to qualify myself to a woman or to BARTER for her attention. Thinking that I should have to inject money on my side of the equation, as if to COMPENSATE her for her time? Yeah right. That would cheapen ME. To all the ladies who think the man should pay, I'll tell you what. Take a guy out on the first date and pay for everything. Sound like something you'd be willing to do? If not, wouldn't you agree that it's hypocritical to expect him to do so? Really surprised to see a guy like David Wygant saying all this stuff, to be perfectly honest. It is really better to make the first date something that doesn't cost money at all, like a hike or something.

Frank

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

You shouldn't be paying outrageous amounts for the first encounter, anyway. It should be easy to afford 10 bucks for coffee/tea and a snack, you'd have to be abusing some substance if you can't! (Coming from a student with a dinky job). Always look out for deals at an eatery (a convenient one for everyone, as Dave pointed out). Be aware of your financial situation and what you can afford. Simple economics and personal finance, practice it in all facets of your life!

Thursday, June 24th, 2010

I'm a girl and when I went out on first dates, I would often offer to pay. The guys often volunteered to pay the entire bill but would seem happy that I didn't expect them to pay for me. But David is right: I feel special and appreciate it when the guy takes the time to plan things out. It doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive. I can afford to pay for my own meals but it's nice to be treated and pampered.

Thursday, June 24th, 2010

I agree with you that it might be hypocritical to expect a guy to pay for everything. I would pay for everything on a first date and I've done it before too. I also treat my friends out to meals or activities (and these are not potential dating friends either). I don't think it matters if it's a date or not. It's nice to treat people out once in a while. Maybe it's old fashioned for the guy to pay for everything. But so is chivalry, apparently. I agree that hikes could be great first dates. It's not because it doesn't cost any money but because it's a great way to talk and get to know one another. Meeting at a loud restaurant for a first date doesn't appeal to me because you can't really hear each other and you could be stuck sitting there with someone you have no chemistry with. But if you're out hiking, making pottery, or doing some other activity, at least you're doing something fun at the same time. Stu said:

To all the ladies who think the man should pay, I’ll tell you what. Take a guy out on the first date and pay for everything. Sound like something you’d be willing to do? If not, wouldn’t you agree that it’s hypocritical to expect him to do so? Really surprised to see a guy like David Wygant saying all this stuff, to be perfectly honest. It is really better to make the first date something that doesn’t cost money at all, like a hike or something.

Cathy J

Friday, June 25th, 2010

This is my favourite post so far - thanks David - I totally agree. Yes, it is not about how much is spent but being treated as someone special. And it is right that that first date (or first few dates) do set the scene and the lady may be more financial for a while and will be happy to pay for a while to support the both of you in a relationship ... while the cheap feeling at the beginning always leaves a sour taste... so do yourself a favour and treat her... of course to something you are happy to pay for. Picnics, a walk with a coffee or hot dog - picking her a flower - these do impress and often more than something expensive!! Ladies, let the man pay!

Christine

Friday, June 25th, 2010

AMEN! I recently went on a date and the guy asked me to split the bill. It ruined the entire date and killed all attraction for him. I think it's about masculine vs. feminine and planning, executing, driving, and paying for a date are all things men should be doing.

Khiem (DW Coach)

Sunday, June 27th, 2010

Stu, I know where you are coming from... and not paying for first dates is something a lot of PUAs recommend... but have you considered that your mindset comes from a place of scarcity? If you truly think like that, you may be perpetuating the fear of women taking advantage of you. Maybe before, that happened to you a lot because you were too nice and you didn't have the confidence to attract women the proper way. But now, does this mindset really apply anymore? When you like someone, you should be willing to do something for for them. I agree with you that the first date doesn't have to involve a lot of money but even if it does, I'm not saying you have to pay for everything all the time either BUT if you find yourself liking the girl, you should feel comfortable in establishing this back and forth of give and take. It shows that you care. It's a sign of interest. You aren't BUYING her time or attention. If she likes you, I'm sure she'll treat you the next time. In healthy relationships, you do things for each other. Paying for something is a reflection of your willingness to give and care for her and you can trust that she'll return the favor if she truly likes you. In short, be giving but don't give blindly. If the woman reciprocates, you know she respects your time and money. If you notice she doesn't even make the effort, then I'd agree with you that she's not worth your time because she probably doesn't respect you as a man.

Bob

Monday, June 28th, 2010

This is all well and good if the date is great and you definately would like to see her again, but, Y'all are missing kind of an obvious question...What if the date went terrible, the woman was a total bore, all she did was talk about her ex, and showed up a half hour late? Or even, if you just don't like her, and don't plan on ever seeing her again, anyway? Why should you pay? Just to be a "nice guy"? Let her pay her half, I say!

Robert

Monday, June 28th, 2010

When i think of someone who is cheap and they turn people off, I think of George Costanza from Seinfeld. You just have to hate almost everything about him.

Martin

Thursday, July 8th, 2010

This is a tricky subject. Especialy since a lot of other teachers say the opposite. I've made a decision on this and have decided to pay for first dates from this point onward. But I still ain't paying for drinks when I meet'em for the first time, dangit! Too many ladies without pockets in bars, kinda pisses me off when I think about it.

Daniel

Thursday, July 21st, 2011

It's a real dilemma for me. I've been "dating" extensively for the last 7 months, that is, meeting new women. I live in the high desert of Northern AZ, so frequently we live 1 to 2 hours drive from each other. So, first, it's just not practical to make it easy for her, with me doing all the driving to her location to make it easier for her. I feel she should show just as much interest and respect for my time by meeting in the middle somewhere. If she won't, I'll reconsider meeting her. Then there's the cost- even if I pay for a coffee date, it ends up costing 10-12 bucks around here. Multiply that by 3-4 women I meet a week, and it adds up fast. 90 percent of these women turn out to be people I don't want to see again, so why should I pay for the first meeting (I don't consider it a date - it's more us seeing if we like each other, to consider dating afterwards)? I've had many women play games and disappear to the rest room as soon as the bill arrives, essentially forcing me to pick up the bill. So I do. Without fail, they let me know by email afterwards they don't want to see me again. That is just wrong, and women who play this game should wake up to the fact that we're all in this together, man and woman. If you're not willing to be a partner, you should just stay home.

Daryl

Friday, July 22nd, 2011

You ask You pay.

John

Tuesday, December 6th, 2011

There’s this really beautiful woman that works in my building, she’s always going out with the execs in their BMW’s and Porch’s, I’ve seen them go into the most expensive restaurants in town spending a fortune. I really want to date this woman, but all I can afford is a take away Chinese or McDonalds. Do you think she’ll date me if I offer to pay?

Don’t Be Cheap!

About David

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35 Comments | Join the Discussion!

Cancel reply

chris

Greg

Kevin Hedstrom

zandra

Jimmy

anonymous

Coach Jacob

Tony

Coach Jacob

Coach Jacob

Coach Jacob

Rick

Carol

anonymous

Coach Jacob

Coach Jacob

Rick

anonymous

Greg

Ajay

B.

maxx

Stu

Frank

Cathy J

Christine

Khiem (DW Coach)

Bob

Robert

Martin

Daniel

Daryl

John