Last week I got a massage.

I was all mellow and chilled out afterwards, and there was a gas station across the street. Now, I’d been on empty for awhile.

I’ve always wondered, when you hit zero miles until empty, how many miles do you really have?

Now, we all know German cars and their engineering, and you know how precise Germans are. When you go to the movies in Germany, you literally get an assigned seat. Everything is very orderly. So, I kind of pushed it.

I’d been driving down Washington Blvd. I’m getting closer to the Arco station. I’m going to meet my friend Bret for dinner.

Unfortunately, in Los Angeles sometimes you get stuck at three lights. People just don’t move, and there’s so much traffic. So, I thought to myself, man, I’m on empty for a long time, there’s no way I’m going to make it.

Sure enough, the car started bucking and chugging. Not really good for a brand new car.

So, what happened next? I ran out gas.

Basically I ran out of gas a block from the gas station.

I had to push my car down a street. Luckily, an old man — actually a guy about 90 years old, literally — helped me push it.

He was really nice.

And I told him I appreciated him.

I went to the gas station.

And there’s not anybody who has a gas can.

So, my friend Bret came and picked me up.

And we went to the Auto Zone store, and this is where I paid the idiot tax.

The idiot tax was $18 for a two gallon gas can. $18. Why is it so expensive? Well, because only idiots can run out of gas.

Not only that, they know how desperate you are. There’s nothing you can do. You can’t look, and price shop, because your car’s stuck in the middle of an intersection.

No gas stations have a gas can to borrow, and lend you, god forbid, because people aren’t honest anymore in Los Angeles.

So, I had to pay the idiot tax. So, I’d like to know down below what you’ve done, and mistakes you’ve made that you’ve actually had to pay the idiot tax on.