Don’t Treat Women Badly After Sex!

Men's Advice Dating Tips, Uncategorized

By David Wygant March 6, 2014 504 Shares

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Rejected after sex I got an email from a woman named Sara the other day. In her email, she describes the type of man none of you should ever be. I’ll read you her email, and then I’ll explain.

Hi David,

I’m stressing. I had sex last night with a guy on our second date. I really liked him. I didn’t ask him up front if he was just looking for sex or an actual relationship. But after we had sex, he just stood up and told me to give him a call later. Now I’m not sure where to go with this. I need to know what I should say. Should I keep it cool? Do I tell him I had a great time with him last night? I don’t know if I should ask whether he’s just looking for something casual or a relationship. I’m so lost right now. I hope you get this soon.

Sara…

First of all guys, never be an asshole like that guy. Don’t ever behave like that toward a woman. Who jumps out of bed, and on his way out the door says, give me a call later?

You just had sex with the woman. You’re the man. Make her feel comfortable about what just happened. You text her later. You call her later. You tell her you had a great time later. You make her feel good for giving it up. Just read that email from her again.

Look how crazy she’s going. She sent it to me in the afternoon on a Saturday. Imagine how she felt on the Saturday night when she went out with friends. Imagine how she felt on the Sunday when the guy didn’t call. It’s down to a man to take the lead in a relationship. We’re the ones who need to make her feel comfortable with the fact she gave us sex. It’s down to us to make her feel wanted and desired.

When a real man has sex with a woman and isn’t looking for a relationship, he calls her the very next day and tells her. He doesn’t leave her hanging. A man communicates what he wants. A man makes it clear so women aren’t in any doubt where they stand. You need to work on your follow-up skills. As for Sara…

I sent her an email and told her she needs to find a real man. I told her the next time she goes out and meets a man, to ask him what he’s looking for before she has sex. Ask him if he’s looking for a relationship or a bit of fun. Obviously, he could lie and say he’s looking for something serious because he wants to get laid. But it gives her half a chance to read the situation better.

So guys, if you’re about to have sex with a woman, have the courtersy to be open and honest about what you want. Tell her she’s amazing and you had a great time, and be the one that picks up the phone and states his intentions. It’s not about old fashioned values. It’s about being a strong, confident, authentic, and real modern day man!

About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

48 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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Rick L

Thursday, March 6th, 2014

Have sex first, ask questions later (maybe). David, IMO your email should have been all about her. Why have a no-questions-asked fu*k fest with a guy on the second date, then act confused? He made you laugh, you turned each other on, you screwed. He's fulfilled, you're confused. His fault? Next time around, before he puts the wrapper on, ask him if he plans on holding you after sex. Perhaps that will give him the illusion of being a "real man", while giving you the illusion of being fulfilled.

Pam

Thursday, March 6th, 2014

I'm with Rick. Don't put all of the blame on the man here. I'm not sure what she was expecting to come from this situation, after having sex on only the second date. If you want a serious relationship, and it sounds like she does, you hold off until you know each other better and know what you both want, and if you're on the same page. It says in her email that she didn't ask the guy if he just wanted sex or an actual relationship. She should have determined first what she wanted and then communicate that to him. It seems like it should be common sense...I guess common sense is not so common.

Laura N.

Thursday, March 6th, 2014

No, common sense isn't very common these days, Pam. I agree that she should have found out if he wanted an actual relationship or just sex BEFORE she slept with him. Sounds like she made the classic mistake of using sex to make him LIKE her. But common courtesy isn't common either. While she should not have to "given up the cookie" on a second date, he didn't need to treat her like she was a hooker. We don't know if he got back in touch with her later that weekend (but he probably poofed on her). I know I'm going to bring down the wrath of the interweb on my head, but he really did need to say somethings afterwards so she didn't feel confused about his intentions. And she needs to keep the cookies in jar the next time she meets a guy she likes and knows what she wants from him.

Pam

Thursday, March 6th, 2014

LOL, Laura--I almost used the cookie analogy, too. You must be a Steve Harvey fan like I am.

Pam

Thursday, March 6th, 2014

I almost used the cookie analogy too, Laura. You must be a Steve Harvey fan like I am!

Dave

Thursday, March 6th, 2014

Gotta disagree here Laura. It's not his job to make her un-confused. This one is simple: She didn't communicate about anything. She consented to sex and assumed it meant something more than it did. No one should ever assume anything. And no one should expect another person to automatically be on the same page. Could this guy have had more tact following their hookup? Absolutely. But he didn't do anything "wrong." This was a consensual act between two adults. If the woman in question wanted more, she needed to make that clear beforehand.

John

Thursday, March 6th, 2014

Nope. Sorry.. Cannot keep quiet through this one. It's because of Pam's comment. The kind of guy Pam is describing.. "relationship guy" aka "provider" is exactly the kind of guy you DO NOT want to portray yourself as.. ESPECIALLY in the beginning stages of a relationship. See.. In any relationship, there is a "power pendulum". Before sex... The pendulum is hard over on her side. She has ALL THE POWER. She knows that you want to have sex with her, and YOU have to prove yourself "worthy". She has plenty of guys chasing her, and she doesn't NEED YOU. Screw up, and she's GONE. After sex... The pendulum swings HARD the other way. You gave it to her, and you gave it to her GOOD. (If it wasn't good, btw, she's GONE.) She's hooked, now she wants to keep you. She NEEDS YOU. The power is ALL YOURS. As a guy, THIS is where you want to be. And, as QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. Here's why. (I know this is long, but bare with me.) Women see guys in two ways. Lover..and Provider. A guy she wants as a lover, and not a provider, she is eager to have sex with. She doesn't really care about the long term. He's sexually attractive, exciting, and she wants him. A guy she sees as a provider, not an exciting lover, (the kind of guy Pam is describing) she wants LONG TERM. This guy is boyfriend material, maybe even HUSBAND MATERIAL. She is going to WITHHOLD SEX, because she doesn't want to screw this up! She doesn't want to seem too "easy". She's going to want to take it slow. You DO NOT want to be this guy. Reason.. While you are "Taking it slow", and proving yourself... If Mr. LOVER comes along...and he will.. SHE'S HOOKED.. and SHE'S GONE. This is why women leave a nice, provider type guy.. And run off with the BAD BOY. That's why, you want to have sex with her as QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. Thg longer that pendulum stays on her side, the longer of a opportunity there is for "Mr. Lover" to show up, and excite her. Be "Mr. Lover." THEN, if you decide you want her around.. Show her Mr. Provider.

John

Thursday, March 6th, 2014

Oh, btw.. I know that post is going to anger the female posters on the board. But you know what, this is the MEN'S ADVICE site. This is the kind of stuff women don't want us to know. They want that power pendulum to stay on their side as long as possible. They want you to be the nice, "provider" type guy. They actually hope the exciting Bad Boy, "Mr. lover" doesn't show up. Because she knows if she falls for his charms, and sleeps with him, she's gonna be hooked. This is a GAME. There are two OPPOSING SIDES. What I just described is the CHEAT CODE. Ask any guy who is really great with women. Ask Bob. Hell, email David and ask HIM, if you don't believe me. If Multiple guys are after the same girl.. The guy she sleeps with first, the guy who TAKES HER TO BED, and gives it to her GOOD, is the guy who wins.

Bob

Thursday, March 6th, 2014

Good to see you posting again John, Could have used your help a time or two, with some of these "old prunes" jabbering, about me. Yes, the rule is ALWAYS sleep with the girl ASAP to equalize the playing field, or even put it in your favor. All men, who are experienced with women, know this. The dude that DW examples in the blog, did everything absolutely textbook correctly, for his purposes. He obviously is only interested in this girl for a booty call, and now he has achieved his goal, by leaving her guessing what the hell is going on, and unsure of his motives and relationship expectations. I guarantee, he could not call her for a month now, and then, in the middle of the night, half drunk, show up and get another "session" from her. I am not saying this is "nice" or being a "good guy", but is how to exploit a woman's feelings to get her to behave as you wish. The example you site about the pendulum being on the woman's side until she gives in is correct. That is why you sleep with them as quickly as possible. However, I have found an easy way to shift the pendulum to my side, even if she does not sleep with me as quickly as I desire, and a way to make her desire to do it After I feel the time is right to have sex with a woman, and she "holds the cookie in the jar", she is now playing me, attempting to maintain the pendulum on here side. This is where experience comes into play. By now, she has already recognized my experience, value, and confidence, and she knows that there are plenty of women available to me. (abundance mentality) So now is the time to NOT call her everytime she expects, not text her right back, don't be on time every date, etc. Act like it is no big deal, and not that important, when she refused my advances, and don't even attempt it again for a long time. You know where I am going here... She will be wondering now, what is going on. Am I seeing another woman to take her place, since she is not giving up "the cookie"? Is she losing control, etc. Within a few days, she will be lighting candles, and showing me in the door in her Victoria Secret nighty, begging me to stay over. Simple female psychology, and now I get to hear from the women what an asshole I am, and how mean, thoughtless, uncaring, etc, I am, and that no woman would fall for that routine, bla bla bla.

John

Thursday, March 6th, 2014

Exactly Bob. I'm not "posting again", really.. I just couldn't ignore it when Pam throws out the advice to "take it slow, until you know each other better". That's GREAT ADVICE... for WOMEN! But, this is the MEN'S SITE. Wanting a relationship is great.. But a guy shouldn't show that card until AFTER he has established himself as a "lover". Actually... Looking at my own situation... That's exactly why I have been so unsuccessful with women. I just don't have that "Bad Boy" appeal that taller, better looking guys have. No woman, will ever look at me and say.. " YEAH! I wanna get with HIM tonight!" I have exactly ZERO sex appeal to women. I'm too short, and too unattractive. I'm the "sexually invisible man". That's why, back in my younger, better looking days, women who told me they wanted to "take it slow", and "get to know each other better", ALWAYS slept with, and ran off with the first taller, better looking, "bad boy" type that came along. But, the few that I got in there early with (first, or second date), were HOOKED. I couldn't understand it. I actually would lose interest, and break it off, and I've actually had a few women cry, and BEG me not to leave... ME! Why? I'm nothing special. I couldn't understand it. But, looking back and putting it all into perspective.. It all makes sense. It was always girls that i'd already slept with that got hooked. The pendulum had moved in my favor, and I didn't even know it. I'd give anything to go back 20 years, and be in shape, and decent looking again.

John

Thursday, March 6th, 2014

You know what Rick.. I've studied Deangelo, "aka Mr. Pegan", and that may very well be where I learned a lot of that. In fact, LOTS of "dating coaches" teach those same principles. Doesn't make it wrong.

Rick L

Thursday, March 6th, 2014

Sounds like textbook David DeAngelo teaching there John

Brad

Friday, March 7th, 2014

As far as my experience goes, for women, there really is nothing to 'give up'. The point is, you want to find out asap if you are sexually compatible, because there is a good chance you are not. Imagine going out with a woman for months before sleeping together, only to find out that the sex sucks, which can be caused by either the man or the woman, and then what ? If a guy is not interested in a girl anymore after sex, nothing can change that. Even waiting for months to actually have sex won't change a thing. I am with Bob and John here, waiting and taking it slow doesn't serve a purpose.

Rick L

Friday, March 7th, 2014

How often does mind blowing sex happen on the first time? Sex should naturally get better the more we learn each other's bodies and what turns them on and what doesn't. That's a process. The first time I had sex with the woman I'm currently dating, it sucked. Fast forward months later, it's great. We have a better understanding of what the other prefers and when they prefer it. And, our rhythm is more fluent, synchonized. And, we actually have discussions on how to make it better. Like everything else in a relationship, it's a process. And, no, sex doesn't have to take place asap in order for the man to have the pendulum swing in his direction. If you conduct yourself like sex isn't a big deal, and stop behaving over-eager and "thirsty", you will set yourself apart from all the guys she previously dated, and that will intrigue her. This is not theory talking, but experience. She'll most likely up the ante and attempt to raise your sexual temperature, but pass with flying colors and the "pendulum" will swing in your direction. By showing her that sex can never be her trump card with a guy like you is much more effective than getting sex as early as possible. Guys can lack "game", yet luck up on sex early. She could just as easily not call him for a number of day, nor return his calls, leaving him confused, thereby depriving him of any perceived advantage. The behavior AFTER sex is what really determines where the pendulum goes. If you behave as if you're not concerned about when the next episode will occurs, it will swing heavily in your favor. It's all mind set. It's an never-ending dance of masculine, feminine interplay. Presently, I don't seek out any advantages. I simply take the lead in the dance (because I'm the better dancer- meaning I have a better understanding of getting us both what we want), and she prefers that.

Bob

Friday, March 7th, 2014

All good points Rick But, you are the nice guy in this picture. You are the guy John speaks about, who wants a long term, committed, relationship, and has the patience to see it through. You wait for sex, care about improving sex with one woman, and worry over performing correctly and pleasing your woman, as you should in a monogamous relationship. I am the "other" guy, that John speaks of. The dangerous guy, with the beach house, Harley, and blue water boat, who tempts the girl that you are waiting to have sex with. I provide the excitement, allure, and naughty danger, that most girls fall for. I don't want a "relationship" or one woman to commit to. I have had all that. Raised the family, been married, and done the one woman show. That was the point John was trying to make (I think), that the bad boy usually can pull the woman away from the good guy, who is waiting on the sidelines. That is why you want to sleep with her ASAP, and satisfy her needs, curiosity, about what you will be like to have sex with, and get the pendulum on your side, as quickly as possible. You may not agree. you speak as though your experiences are fact, and ours are only theory, but we are speaking from years of experience as well, and yours are no more real and factual than mine, or anyone elses experiences...

Rob

Monday, March 10th, 2014

@Bob I couldn't have said it better myself. The only real defense-mechanism a man has from being used & abused by women is if he gets them into bed fast, and fucks them really good; making them sexually addicted to him. Failing that, a man is at a woman's complete mercy to be used and abused in any way she sees fit. I remember when I was like 25, and met a really cute girl in my hometown, how she fooled and tricked me into borrowing money to her and stuff like that. And I fell for it of course, wanting to be nice (no not because I just wanted sex from her), but because I genuienly liked her and wanted to be kind. What did I get back from all of that? Nothing of course, and least of all my money. But still, "women want nice and chivalrous" guys, haha, but the very day they meet one they treat them worse than they would a rabid dog. Well, no more Mr. Nice Guy here thanks. Here comes Mr. Nasty!

Tee

Tuesday, October 27th, 2015

Many guys call themselves "nice guys." However, if you think helping out a girl, or CHOOSING to give her money when she was in a hard situation makes her obligated to like you romantically or have sex with you (which is what you implied) then you were not the nice guy you seem to think you were. Many people in this world do nice things for people they genuinely like. If that person does something back and reciprocates, the connection can become deeper. YOU LIKED HER. I ask people for assistance at times in my life, asked a co-worker to help me unscrew the cap on my tire so I could add air to it, it was screwed too tight for me to get it off. I hope he doesn't think I owe him a BJ now. Getting angry that a woman didn't develop romantic feelings in you isn't something nice guys do. Sometimes the chemistry isn't there for the other person, even if it's there for you. Most people experience both sides of that coin at some point in their life. There is nothing wrong with feeling hurt that the object of your affections didn't share those feelings. I get that you feel used, and you have every right to not like the sting that comes with having invested in a person who doesn't feel the same about you. A nice guy doesn't give ONE woman that much power to turn him into a jerk. A nice guy is nice regardless, but maybe not to the woman who hurt him. He stays nice so that someone else can appreciate what he has to offer. I was very disturbed by your comments. You seem to have a false impression of yourself and until you are looking at yourself realistically, then you will continue to be in that jilted lover attitude, which attracts people who don't want to stick around for very long.

Rick L

Friday, March 7th, 2014

I was simply making the points above that 1) just because sex may suck initially, doesn't mean it can't become amazing, and, 2) getting sex quickly doesn't necessarily =pendulum shift. Act like a dog in heat for the next session, it could easily swing back. Bob, you seem to have more dating and sexual encounters than the other fellows on this blog. I may be assuming, but it seems most of the guys here have not been having any action with the ladies and/or been single for a while. You're in full "fling mode", while most here just want to get Aaa date.......something remotely interesting going on with the opposite sex. Once again that's just my assumption. I also think that most guys here are seeking something long term. I could be wrong.

Rick L

Friday, March 7th, 2014

But I do agree that a man should not behave like Mr. Provider (what John was referring to). I think I'm pretty exciting and intriguing to the ladies, though I'm only dating one at this time.

Mary

Friday, March 7th, 2014

Sorry guys for chipping in, but something that Rick said is very crucial, which is the importance too many men put on sex. We can smell it from a mile away if all a man wants is sex, it is very much a turn off. The dog in heat, yes, that is what we usually run from. Sex is something very natural, it just happens, or it doesn't, don't make a big deal out of it.

Rob

Sunday, March 9th, 2014

Monday, March 10th, 2014

@DaZhane Thanks for all those kind words and encouragement. I appreciate it.

DaZhane

Monday, March 10th, 2014

You're more than welcomed, anytime, Rob and thank you for sharing your story with me. I appreciated it. It gave me VERY EXCELLENT insight and I'm happy you gave that to me. Thank you again. I appreciate. :)

Mary H

Monday, March 10th, 2014

I don't think any truly great relationship I've ever observed or had, though, has been characterized by a "pendulum swing" that needed to be constantly managed or a chess game of strategic power. The best relationships are...well...easier than that, right? More intuitive than that. When was the last time you saw a happily married elderly couple worrying about whether the pendulum was swinging farther toward the husband or father toward the wife?

DaZhane

Tuesday, March 11th, 2014

ONLY bitch boys do that, seriously!!!! Genuine man WOULD NOT do it. Some men are SO DEPRAVED that they are reduced to scheming for pussy.......When you've been in a relationship for that long as a elderly couple. You don't worry about no damn power struggle because in ALL honesty when YOU ARE TRULY ARE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE. WHEN BOTH OF YOU ARE HONESTLY, TRULY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER. YOU BOTH HAVE THE SAME POWER AND EFFECT ON EACH OTHER IN DIFFERENT WAYS.....BUT THE SAME POWER AND SAME AMOUNT OF POWER. No need to play the power game, no need to feel less in control. You just let it be. I think that's how people can live with each other and be in love and stay faithful for so long. God Bless Them!!!!!! ......ONLY boys that feel being in love or emotionally involved (They're emotionally undeveloped) is taking away their control and manhood and feeling like a man and being a man so they have to play this power game or "Pendulum swing" or whatever they call it but in my book, like I said before it's called "OVER TIME" and I love it.

Bob

Tuesday, March 11th, 2014

It amazes me, daily, how ignorant women are, when it comes to dating and attraction, from a man's point of view, his reality, and experiences with women. I guess it is like a guy trying to understand why a woman needs 500 pairs of shoes, or cakes makeup on a perfect face, or grows fingernails 2 inches long... OF COURSE, there is no "pendulum" in a long term relationship! This only applies in the initial encounter, and the very beginning stage, of a relationship, where the man is trying to attract the woman, and KEEP her from straying off, with her very limited attention span. Women are so damn fickle that they are impossibly vulnerable, and insecure in the beginning, after just meeting a man. It seems as if they try to find reasons NOT to like a guy, look for every fault, be totally insecure, and even sabotage a "nice guy", before he can bed her. That is the only reason I recommend that men need to fuck them, as quickly as possible, and resolve all the woman's insecurities, expectations, and indecisive behavior, immediately. Get the pendulum to the man's side as quickly as possible, so some freaking "bad boy", who could care less about her, will dump her as soon as he is done with her, and who can easily woo her, and steal her, with a few slick words, does not swoop in and ruin a perfectly good relationship, with a guy who actually wants to keep her, get to know her, please her, and have a lasting relationship. I am amazed at some of the preposterous, self centered, and unabashed comments made by women here, on a regular basis. Women just have no idea what a man goes through, as the pursuer, and seemingly refuse to even try to understand the many challenges that men face in today's dating environment. It really is absurd and amazing to me. I think just mail ordering a Chinese girl, would solve about every guys problem on this blog!!! Women in America, and Western society, really have a whole different perspective, and mindset on what a woman's role, purpose, value, and how male/female interaction if supposed to occur... I don't know who is to blame for this inequity, but is seems to be getting worse, as time passes. Women's value continues to skyrocket, and men's continue to plummet. I commented on the 62 year old woman, who posted her opinion about getting 250 men chasing her after posting a dating profile, in one weekend. She explained how she chose 5 (five damn men!!!) men out of all of them, who she would even consider dating. How can women not believe they are the prize, be constantly looking for "a better man" and not be totally biased in a relationship,when modern society has places that much value on them?

Kristina

Friday, April 8th, 2016

Well I wish women got to be the pursuers once in a while. We like a guy and were not suppose to show it because then hel'l become disinterested and disappear because the thrill of the chase is over. That so messed up you feel like calling him ,you feel like sleeping with, and you really want him but you have to act like you are barely into him.It drive us crazy. So many men will ghost us and call us needy for show our true feelings.

Rob

Tuesday, March 11th, 2014

@Bob "I am amazed at some of the preposterous, self centered, and unabashed comments made by women here, on a regular basis. Women just have no idea what a man goes through, as the pursuer, and seemingly refuse to even try to understand the many challenges that men face in today’s dating environment. It really is absurd and amazing to me." Amen to that! =) Hey Bob, you seem to have been around a bit longer than I have, so I would like to ask you, what would be the most important advice you would have for a guy in his early thirties, who's just looking to find a good family oriented girl? I would go for a mail order bride if I dared to, but I've been scammed so much on that before so I don't really wanna risk it anymore. Heh. You see, I grew up in a tiny village in Scandinavia with about 200 people in it, lived there for the first 24 years of my life, so, me being a country bumpkin it's not really hard to take advantage of me (altho, by now I've learned a thing or two the very hard way.. and I understand there's no shortage of evil and duplicitious people in this world) Anyway, I'm a pretty naive and open person, when I start talking with people, women espescially, I always tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and be as frank and honest as possibly with them, since that's the way I want to be treated myself. Still, I've gotten into a lot of problemes because of this outlook of mine... but it's hard to change this kind of behavior for me, given my background, when you've grown up in a tiny village like I have, you learn how to act naturally around people, you can't do it otherwise, because your reputation as an honest person is all that you have in a place where every single person knows who you are. City folks however, can act any way they want and get away with it, since they can hide behind anonymity so easily..... I've only ever done internet dating due to my shyness, and given how vicious the women of my own country is, I think things will remain that way (altho atleast for now I've taken a break from it all, gotten burnt too much..) But foreign women tend to be into me more in general... dunno what it is... american girls esp seems to be into dating Scandinavian guys for some reason. Anyway, that's that. I would appreciate any advice very much! =)

DaZhane

Tuesday, March 11th, 2014

Oh, Bob, before I truly answer the way I want to answer. Tell me!! What do you think of me? Really? What do you think of me? For the man that took interest in me. :)

DaZhane

Tuesday, March 11th, 2014

Why thank you. Go ahead, Bob. I want to be honest about you too. You're not bad. :)

Laura N.

Tuesday, March 11th, 2014

::getting out my industrial sized head clamp to keep my mouth shut now::

Hans

Tuesday, March 11th, 2014

Laura...lol. Speak your mind, that is what makes this forum fun ! Head clamps are not allowed on David Wygant's blog !

Yureon

Tuesday, March 11th, 2014

Who cares I treat em like shit. The dirty talk continues after I am done with them. I don't respect them. And Then I associate them with that and if they ask for more especially when it is established it's NSA then I really have at em. Sometimes I take pics too.

Kanika

Friday, June 20th, 2014

I met this great guy... we were together for three months before we decided to have sex.. Immediately after as in 2 minutes after he was trying to get me to leave, treated me worse than a hooker, did not call sent me a random text and blew me off when i asked to meet him... and I fall in the highly selective, very careful and high quality women. So what was it the thrill of the chase, the power to treat a woman badly and feel more like a man.. It hurts a lot and yeah more power to you bad boys to feel better about yourselves after treating a woman so badly.

Don’t Treat Women Badly After Sex!

About David

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