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Friday Q&A!
Today, I answer questions that have come in through Twitter, Facebook, and the Blog.
Watch and learn:
Make sure to follow me on Twitter and send those questions to @Davidwygant.
And how did you all do with last week’s Friday Challenge? Who amongst you is still Master of Your Domain?
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About David
1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.
I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.
Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.
i have one...why does a man have to lie to get what he wants? then keeps coming around and saying he did not lie when he is still seeing a another woman? I work with women and we are starting to believe that men lie...but i feel not all men are like that? answer when i get home have to go to work...
So I've been reading a number of different sites and books, and particularly on the PUA type sites they obsess about alpha and beta.
Your approach is a bit different so I'm curious on your take on the most common questions you probably get emailed about from guys, "how do I get my girl back?" (and in this case I'm going to assume it was a girl you genuinely connected with and had a real relationship with and not something where the feelings were one sided in which case the advice would be very different)
The PUA sites tend to say don't bother, chasing after her will make you look weak and ruin what little chance you have of actually pulling this off and it ruins the 'abundance mindset' of the alpha male. The advice is just to go and see other women to move on, and potentially make the 1st girl jealous and miss you.
I can see how this protects you and your public image somewhat, but fail to see anything alpha, or otherwise superior, in giving up when you face conflict, just letting some other guy take your girl, or even just letting her walk out of your life.
I'm curious to know what goes through your mind when you read these types of messages and how you sort through these emails and respond to them.
Also, on topic, looking at the categories I don't see one on dealing with conflict (short of an actual breakup), thinking that might be a good topic to link to and the recent podcast could fit in there nicely.
sandy, not all men lie and I wouldn't project your past experiences onto the new men you meet (easier said than done, if you don't believe me see my post back in the stalker thread from a wek or two ago, I'm guilty of this to some extent in a different way). If you act distrustful from the go they will probably resent you for it and actually be more likely to lie, kind of a self fullfilling prophecy.
If you feel everyone is lying to you I'd take a look at what you might be doing wrong since you're the common element to all of the scenarios. Not saying it's on you necessarily, but the more of these stories that add up, the more likely it becomes that you are doing something wrong.
Hey david,
What is the best way to get over a break up? What can I do everyday in order to really open up to everybody, and get out of my head? And what is the absolute best piece of advice you can give somebody who has been shy their whole life? Give me some exercises to do to become that confident sexy man.
Thanks a lot for everything you do man.
tim
Hi David,
Glasses look great! I love the Q & A format and found it very helpful. Just got "Naked"....planning to read it this weekend.
Thanks for the inspiration...now I need to act!
Frank
Hi David.. i have been reading your blogs for a long time it has helped me i guess however i want to ask you a question..
how do you look at a girl without looking to pervey as i get that alot or how do i look at a girl because nowadays you look at them for more then 2 seconds and smile and they assume u do that to all the girls when you approach they just say go away and i always approach within a few seconds.. whats going on David how do i give that look which dont look pervey u know what i mean..
As far as questions for David go, I'm likely going to be coming to visit friends in LA in a couple months. Would you be up for grabbing lunch if I did?
Hey David!! Loved the whole Q&A session!! If you would really like me to be honest about how those glasses look, I would say it's quite reminiscent to wood shop safety glasses and the red plaid shirt kinda helps reinforce that image. My question is to you:
Do players generally have underlying confidence or self-esteem issues?
By the way, I "mastur" my "domain." I was one day close to beating the Friday challenge, but I just starting having urges to have sex with every girl I see. What's worse was, I started dreaming about sex more often.
David,
Thank you, bless you for giving of your time and talent to the new Friday Q and A blog! I'll be posting a question for next week's blog on Twitter.
By the way, I think that the glasses are sexy, and make you look even more sexy and sophisticated! And I like your shirt; not every man can rock red plaid! You make it work.
Dez
Sandy H,
Why do men lie to get what they want? Simple, we just tell people what they want to hear so they will give us what we want. If the man gets caught lying, he will lie and say he didn't lie because men want to avoid confrontation, Men don't like arguments.
Kevin
It goes both ways I wonder how many women have lied also...Actually I have no stones to throw I told some in my lifetime..
When I first wake up those boxing gloves come on and here I go again in my head...I love that one in Naked...For I know one thing i was basically doing the same thing..
Kevin
thanks again for the advice...
David,
The new glasses make you look more manly, unlike them sunglasses you wear...lol :) I'll be going on vacation next week, looking forward to meeting women on my travels. In the upcoming week or two, I'll have a question for you. :)
I read your book, "Naked" and liked it, but I liked the "fearless code" much better.
Hi David
I have two questions:
1. at what stage do I introduce children into the picture when dating? I have not let any man that I have dated near my children yet.
2. how can you successfully date when the father has a distinct allergy to peace? This is not my doing and why I am no longer there.
Leanne
Hey David,
SO this girl that I am into in college, I only see her once a week only for like 5 seconds..I know what classroom she has her class in.
She mostly hangs out with this other blonde chick. We have no mutual friends.
And she has see me noticing her few times.
When & How do I approach?
thanks
Hey David,
The age old question of "Does size really matter?" has me seriously doubting my own confidence. Is is really important how big your penis is to women? I've noticed that this can affect a man's confidence in so many ways on so many levels. So, can you put and end to the stupid hype and answer the question of "Does size really matter?"
@Aryan, I don't know what David would say, but I'm a pretty big fan of just walking right up to her the next time you see her. Say, "Hi, I keep seeing you around, but I don't think we've ever actually met. My name is Aryan. What's yours?"
It's simple, yet bold. If you over think it, you'll never come up with something perfect. I mean, on my way over to talk to a girl the other night, I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I just said, "Do you really not have anybody to keep you company while you drink alone?" It's not the most elegant pickup line of all time, but it worked.
The longer you look for the perfect thing to say, the harder it's going to be to talk to her.
Actually, I have another question that goes back about 15 years:
How do you deal with the great guy who is plain lousy in bed? That's a really fragile area for anyone to be tip toeing around in.
Let's see if I can articulate this... I used to believe in "the one" until my marriage disintegrated. Intellectually, I now believe that there's more than one "the one" but I'm very picky about what I'm looking for (and I tend to be a "procrastinating perfectionist"). I'm really not interested in "just getting out there and dating"; it really seems like a waste of time (and for me, NOT FUN). This wouldn't be a problem if I was just looking to have some fun, but I'm not just looking for a "good time".
It seems like the only girls that are even attractive to me (beyond physical attraction) are all religious. They all take the religion very seriously, but I'm a devout agnostic. This makes it hard to maintain an abundance mindset, no matter how friendly I am with them.
Any tips? Thanks!
@Collin - Yeah, I hear that a lot, both from the religious girls and my ex-wife (who thinks it would be great if I got together with one of those religious girls).
I'm just not buying into the whole "god thing". Pragmatically, I mostly live my life as if I follow that religion (which is why/how I spend so much time around them), but the "god thing" is really NOT something I'm into.
#1 - I gotta be me!
David
This question comes from your Mens Mastry series section on "gold diggers". I would like to hear your definition of a "gold digger". What constitutes one, what qualities do you need to watch for, to trigger an alarm, that they are only with you for your money, etc? Most women expect their meals to be paid for on dates, cocktails, flowers, gifts on holidays, cards and gifts "just because", etc. You go into "gold diggers" in the men's mastery series and are adamant about staying away from them, how you detest them, etc, but don't go into detail about how far does a woman have to go, before becoming a "gold digger", and which ones to avoid, or call her out on it? Shouldn't they expect a wealthier man, to take them to nicer places, do more monetarily, and spend more on presents and such, than a more frugal man?
Bob
Hey love the picture by the way...Look out for will seekers...this happened in my family these people will look in the obituaries and see who has passed away man or woman...My families story goes as follows after my aunt died this woman was looking in the obituaries and noticed that my uncle was widowed and they dated well when he did not call her back she went to another uncle of mine and said that my uncle did not go and see her. and so my other uncle calls up his brother and says u need to go and see this woman...well what happened was they ended up getting married and it has been said in my family the reason why she married him was to get the house for her daughter in which did not have a place of her own and before he died she tried her hardest to tear the family up. When my uncle lost his only son he died a few months later and she did not end up with a house but is allowed live there but if she marries again or moves the house will go to the grand kids...my cousin was killed in an atv accident while hauling a welder in back of a trailer...my uncle died of health complications it was one big mess...me myself and i...when i care for a man it does not matter if he is dog but broke or rich i am not there for the money...
luv u bob...
Leanne,
Simple, You teach him. tell him straight up what you want and how you like it. We aren't mind readers and always want the woman in our life to be happy. Direct is best, Don't worry, you're not going to hurt his feelings.
@Leanne, it's all about positive reinforcement. Compliment him on how well he did the things that you like. He'll do that more often, and before you know it, he'll be much better at it.
This is all speculative, of course. Every woman I've ever been with just assumes that I am a sex god.
@Leanne,
I think that (regarding your question on how to approach a man about something without him shutting down)that you did three things right (when you asked him for help with an issue about your kids). A) You didn't use the kiss-of-death opener "We need to talk"! B) You conveyed a sense of concern and urgency about someone/something mutually important to you (your children), and C)you asked for help. Men are problem solvers, by and large, and they want to feel like they have the power to 'come to the rescue', even if you're not connected anymore romantically or if you are but it's not going well.
Also, about the question on a sub par lover, I think that Collin is right, and that Kevin is mostly right. I think if you show him (during) and tell him (tactfully and before your next encounter) that this will help. Men want to please their woman sexually, unless he's the type that is totally narcissistic and not worthy of you anyway! And men definitely like a direct approach. Often, we women get accused of dropping hints, sulking and stewing, and sitting around pouting instead of just coming out and saying what's on our minds. We're afraid of 'rocking the boat'. But I'm telling you, as a very sexual and down to Earth woman, any man who wants to rock my 'man in the boat' will know what I want and need! Without being pushy, yet being very straightforward, my next serious relationship will be much more balanced in the intimacy department than the last one. No more lazy, vain lovers for me! Owning our sexuality, and helping steer the quality of that is up to the individual, regardless of gender or orientation. Take charge, sister!
@Kevin - There used to be a bumper sticker or t-shirt that said: "It's not the length, it's not the size, it's how many times you can make it rise."
Of course, this depends on the sexual appetite and desires of you and who you're with.
I'd always thought I was average. I'd never really thought about it, but my ex-wife figured it out for me... I started dating when I was 16 but I was almost 23 when I lost my virginity (and since then, I've only slept with my wife, when we were together). So between 16 and 22, things would typically go well with girlfriends for a month or two, until they stuck their hand in my pants: Then they all said "Oh my god! It's so big!" and then we'd wind up being "just friends". This happened with pretty much every girlfriend I ever had! I never connected the dots. I thought they were just trying to flatter me, or something.
My ex wife and I were friends for 5+ years before we started dating, and she was mostly celibate for 2.5 years before we started dating. We were living together for a few months before we started sleeping together. So when she finally stuck her hand in my pants, she was thinking (at first), "That seems really big, but maybe it's just been a long time since I've grabbed a penis."
This is another reason why I'm inclined to date religious girls, or at least "respectable girls" who are happy to move slowly... The only way I'll get past "3rd base" is either with a hose-monster or someone who gets to know me first, slowly. Given that choice, I'd prefer the latter. It works out well that casual sex isn't appealing to me, because IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN for me!
This is hard now that I'm not a teenager any more, and sex generally isn't something that well-adjusted adults hold out for in modern society. My ex-wife was telling me that one of the reasons I should be dating one of these religious girls is because any "regular" girl who's old enough to date me would expect sex within the first 5-6 dates... Or else she'd think there's something wrong with her, or something wrong with me, or that I'm gay, etc. But anyone who doesn't have significant time invested in a relationship is going to stick her hands down my pants and then run away, screaming. It's a no-win situation :(
So yeah... Too big really just scares girls away. It's a challenge. Bigger is NOT better.
I heard one story of a guy, where I worked, nicknamed "tripod" (think about for a second, if it doesn't make sense at first) who was hung like a kosher salami. His wife wouldn't go near the thing so one day he went to a prostitute... He gave her the money and dropped his pants; she shook her head, gave him his money back and left.
So yeah, size does matter. Average is probably the best size. If your penis is extremely big or extremely small and that makes it difficult to pleasure your partner with it, well... Start by sticking out your tongue ;) and let your fingers do the walking ;)
If you're on the extremely small side, maybe find a girl with vaginismus - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus
Only date girls who are petite, this way they have really tiny hands which will make your penis seem really big to them.
It's not the length that matters, it's thickness. If the woman you're dating need something 8-10+ inches, that is 7 inches around, then she's just a loose hoe who needs something that big in order to feel anything.
If you have a small penis or are nervous about whether or not yours is enough, just learn the art of foreplay. It's like Kat Williams says. Go down on her, and by the time you get to having sex, her reaction will be, "He brought dick too?!?!"
Collin
I am not a "rodeo" cowboy. Rodeo cowboys represent a very small percentage of
"real cowboys". In fact, while in Vegas, a few years ago in Gilley's, while enjoying a drink
I got in an actual fistfight (we were all thrown out)with a couple of bullriders. They were sitting there in cowboy hats talking bout their bullriding experiences, and I mentioned in passingthat "bullriders are not cowboys, but rather "athletes". I assumed it to be taken as a compliment, but they became angry as I explained my position.
Most bullriders have never even ridden a horse, much less, bred, raised, trained,spent the years in lessons and training to learn how to actually ride a horse properly finally show them to a World Championship level, such as I have.
Rodeo cowboys are highly specialized athletes who perform one or two events well. I rate "cowboys" in about four or five categories in this order of authenticity.
2)Working ranch cowboys (do actual ranch work everyday and know a lot about all phases of working with horses and cattle
and most know about breeding and training as well.
3)Ropers, cutters, and specialty cowboys, such as Rodeo cowboys (most know at least their specialty,and how to at least ride a horse, albeit, mostly improperly and not with proper equitation)
4) Weekend warriors, trail riders, wannabe cowboys, etc.
5)Race horse breeders and trainers
(the most lowly of all, in my opinion of all horse enthusiasts, due to the treatment of their "commodity"
Finally the most knowledgeable, experienced and successfull cowboys
#1)Showhorse Cowboys, such as myself. We are the ones who buy the broodstock (Mares)to breed to the most complementary suited,and correct stallion,to produce the best offspring for the desired result we wish the offspring to excel in.(There are over 150 show horse events that are to be considered when breeding and training a showhorse, and each horse is usually only suited for 1 to 5 events, as it is that specialized)
The showhorse world is larger than Rodeo,Bullriding and Racing combined, and starts from 4H and open shows and goes all the way up the the worldwide Breed Association shows, which I was involved with.
It is the ultimate horse enthusiasts that reaches this level of knowledge and dedication, and where the "zillionaires" put their money into, to hire and spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on a top trainer to find and train them a World Champion Showhorse. This is the epitome of the horse world, and the people that deal with the very best of the best. Sorry for the longwinded answer, but most laymen need to at least learn this once in their lives, about the real world of cowboys and horses.
Collin
No problem. I hope your mind will no longer "jump" to the misunderstood world of the different types of "cowboys", and what constitutes a real one, from a commercialized,artificial, media, defined one, and along the way, explain the differences to laymen, in passing.
This subject may seem unimportant,to most, but it has the same relevance to me, as you may have noticed, David Wygant's constant defiance of the publics understanding of calling him a PUA coach, which he abhors. The difference between a PUA coach, and what he teaches is lumped into the same categories with the media. That is why he brings this same subject up over and over, as there is a big difference, when you are proud of what you do, and the majority of people are confused about it.
Hi David,
Your website has helped me a lot. However, I do have a question. In a weak moment, I winded up in bed with someone on the first date. Because my last break up wasn't to long before we met, I didn't want anything serious. So, we decided to be friends with benefits. The whole thing went for a little over a month. It first it was very sexual, which I liked. But the he started to discuss politics, his work and family with me. One time he stayed the night. He ran out the next morning, because my dad came over to fix something. He wanted to inform how the whole thing went. So, I send him a text. He texted the whole weekend. But then I cut it off, because he had told me that he doesn't want a relationship with me. After that we didn't have any communication for about 2 weeks. When I went to text him, we sexted for 3 days straight. I was really looking forward to seeing him, the following Saturday. Yes, I was randy like never before. He came over. I made dinner, in an attempt not seem like I am using him. We ate and kissed and talked. I realized that I have feelings for him. He again told me that I have all the qualities of his future partner. However, for him there is no spark. Okay. The following day, I realized that I am in love with him. So, I wrote him a message (because I couldn't muster up the courage to tell him in person) saying I am in love with him and that I know that the feeling isn't mutual, which I wish would be different. He wrote back to me that he thanks me for my honesty and that he hopes we will soon meet for a beer. I kinda get the feeling that I made a mistake. How can I turn the situation around? Is there anything I can do?
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sandy h
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