Are You An Actor Or A Person? By David Wygant

Last week when I was doing a bootcamp, Once again I was seeing men that are so not natural when they approach a woman. They try to take on a whole new personality that isn’t really them. Men are looking for the magic pill – the word or the routine they can practice that can work in every situation when they approach a woman. Such an approach, however, will leave a woman feeling like she just encountered a puppet who is too slick for the strings that were working him.

Women recognize when a man is working a routine. Women can tell because usually when a man works a routine, his is not listening and interacting on a deep level. Instead, he is just talking and entertaining to get the phone number.

There are a lot of people in my industry who teach routines that men can memorize in every situation. Those routines make you look like an actor. There’s nothing real about a routine. All you’re doing is memorizing lines, performing, and hoping that performance passes and is believable.

But let’s get deeper into this. Who are you? And what exactly are you trying to do when you connect with a woman?

Are you walking over to her just to see if you can actually speak with a woman?

Is it just practice for you?

Are you trying to get a date based upon just her looks, even though she drools and speaks Russian back to you?

The idea of approaching a woman is to see whether or not she’s worthy of your time. The profound insight here is that most men who practice routines are just desperately trying to sell themselves to a hot woman.

A woman can smell a routine right when you open your mouth. When you walk away from performing like an actor, and all you did was perform some pick-up routine in front of her, she will start to wonder who you really are. Even if you get her phone number, she will start to process this and wonder why she would even want to go out with a man who knows nothing about her.

Women are all about connecting on a deep emotional level. Even in the beginning when you first approach her, she wants to know that you’re interested in her. When performing a routine, all you’re doing is acting. You’re not absorbing the interaction between the two of you. You’re not connecting with her . . . you’re just trying to get the phone number.

When I approach a woman, I want to find out who she is so I know whether or not she is somebody I’m interested in getting to know. Men that perform routines objectify women, and that is why the ratio of callbacks in response to those routines is not very high. Men that try to connect with women on an authentic and real level tend to get the callbacks most of the time.

When you walk over to a woman as a confident men (and not as a performing actor), you ask her about herself, and carry on a conversation based on what’s happening in the moment, she will be intrigued by you and turned on by the way you’re connecting with her. Men that walk over with a routine like an actor, tend to leave women feeling confused and wondering what happened.

When you go out on a date with a woman after you’ve used a routine, she will be expecting that character to show up at dinner. That means that although you may have been able to get a phone number with a five minute routine, over the course of a two hour date the woman will start to notice the inconsistency in your personality. Where is the man she met three days before? The man she met before was so funny and slick. The man she’s sitting across from on the date is nervous and shy. Who is the real guy? Is it the first one or the second one? Women will always know that the first guy was “actor guy” and the second guy was the real you.

So in order to meet women and get more out of it – from better sex to better dates – you need to drop the routine, and learn the power of observation and connection. The best opening line is one based on an observation about something happening in the moment. By bonding with a woman in the moment, you’re going to seem natural and real . . . and not like a guy with a sleazy come-on.

Also, by paying attention to what a woman has to say and showing interest in who she is, it will increase her attraction to you. I’m not talking about kissing her ass and telling her how beautiful she is, I’m talking about having a conversation with somebody and not acting like you’re trying to pick her up. When you’re running a routine on her, she knows you’re trying to pick her up. When you’re having a conversation with her about the kind of sandwich she ate at the lunch counter, that may lead to knowing that she eats the same kind of sandwich every day which you then can tease her about. If you memorize a routine and play the actor guy, you will miss all the physical and mental cues that will allow you to intrigue her and allow you to grab the date.

The whole point of meeting a woman is having her qualify herself to you. A routine is a performance that she’s judging . . . but let me ask you, who is doing the real qualifying? When I’m meeting a woman for the first time, she has no idea what’s going on. The point is to not make it look like a pick-up. The point is to make it look like a natural encounter.

Women love when they meet you in different situations and it’s a total surprise. They’ll tell their friends “You won’t believe it! I met this guy at Starbucks today.” They’ll even make up a nickname for you . . . and call you “Starbucks Man.”

Recently I met this woman in Barnes and Noble in New York when I was doing a bootcamp there. It was so casual the way we met, and it was so casual the way I emailed her. A couple weeks later at a party, I met one of her friends and ended up having a great night with her friends. When I met the woman in New York, it was so casual that I got the “thumbs up” reference from her to her friends.

When you perform like an actor, you’re going to get women thinking way too much about who you are and if you’re real. Coming across as “slick Rick” is not the way to approach a woman.

If you desire to learn more about how to connect with women on a deeper level so you can take your game into something that’s authentic and real, then we need to talk further another day
Last week I posted a blog call The Power Of She Talk. Take a look back at that one and the power of both these posts will allow you a deeper connection with women.
And that is what they desire!